Welcome to the inside of my head.

145. Brain Fart

So Seb kinda brain farted and came up with these questions for a me…and I’ve finally found some time to formulate some responses.

1- Who would win in a fight between a legless gorilla with chainsaws for hands and an ostrich with robo legs made out of titanium? And what are your reasons for this?

I feel like this depends on what the saw in the chainsaw is made of. If it’s brutal enough to cut through titanium then the ostrich loses its advantage. However I think titanium is pretty damn strong and added to the fact that the ostrich will probably be able to move quicker, I feel like it has the edge. Continuously karate kick that gorilla in the face! I’d like to see this battle.

2- Do you think that people who don’t follow whatever you believe in on a religious scale are doomed in the afterlife, regardless of how nice they are?

Absolutely not. The majority of people believe what their parents believe because that was what they were taught. If people really are doomed for believing the wrong thing and their parents beliefs are supposedly ‘wrong’, then they too are doomed by association. That just seems grossly unfair to me. I don’t even believe religious beliefs qualify you for a happy afterlife. I’ve always felt than being a decent human being takes priority.

3- If you had to, would you rather have wings which give you the ability to fly for a minute, but then you gotta rest the flying for an hour because it’s super tiring, or would you rather have a tail that is flexible and can carry your own body weight and you can use it whenever? The wings and tail can be in your own image.

Having a tail probably wouldn’t be the best look… Also if I had a tail, I’d probably use it all the time to carry my lazy arse around and then I’d get fat and look even worse. Yes, vain I know. By that logic wings all the way. Plus omg flying.

4- If you had the opportunity to instantly learn any language in the world that you don’t already know, which one would you pick?

That’s easy- Elvish. It’s just sounds divine no matter what you say or how nasty. Plus it’s hella sexy! I point you to this video of Liv Tyler:

5- Favourite Pokémon?

Don’t shout at me but whilst I enjoyed Pokemon as a kid, I’m not a hardcore fan. I don’t know all the names of the original Pokemon and I also never played the games. That being said- Pikachu. I do good Pika Pika impersonations. Hire me for £5 an hour.

6- Tell me about the moment when you felt the most betrayed and used.

If I shared that experience here, shit would hit the fan. Instead I will say that it was awful and I have never felt more stupid.

7- If you had the option to wipe out all people who had one particular personality trait or image in common, who would you annihilate and why?

I have a really low tolerance for people who don’t have a sense of humour and/or can’t take a joke. That’s not to say I think everyone should turn into giggly idiots. I just feel it’s important to be able to laugh at yourself and whatever bad situation you might be in. I also find it annoying having to censor what I say to avoid offending their sensitive ears. So yeh, them.

8- If you become rich and famous, could I please have some money? Couple of grand would be fine.

Sure. You’ll have to get in line though. SO many people have made dibs on my salary. I’m not gonna have anything left.

9- If I were to bring you into my crew in a post-apocalyptic world, (e.g zombies) what skills do you have that would benefit the group enough for us to take you on?

1. I have killer stinkbomb farts that would keep an army of zombies at bay. I have people that can validate this.

2. I can count because I do maths and shit. This could be useful. For example ‘Argh Seb there are one, two, THREE zombies on our tail’.

3. I’m short and small so don’t take up much room.

4. Under pressure I have mad reflexes. I discovered then when I was 15 and the guy I had a crush on threw scissors at my face (his way of showing affection?) and I caught them millimetres from my face like a ninja. He then threw a ruler really hard at my head and I caught that too so it wasn’t just a fluke!

10- If Stalin and Hitler were hanging off the edge of a cliff and you had to save one, which dictator would you save?

Good God they’re both grade A bastards. I don’t think there’s an obvious choice here. Although people know Hitler was a nasty piece of work, I feel like people generally underestimate Stalin’s crimes. Stalin overall is responsible for more deaths perhaps not directly but certainly through his policies. Also Hitler only invaded Poland (often taken to be the trigger for WW2) after the Nazi-Soviet pact. Had Stalin not agreed to this, I think there’s a good chance a world war could have been avoided. On these grounds, I vote Stalin.  (This is probably the first time my GCSE in History has come in useful!)

11- Tell me about an invention you could make a reality, even if it’s actually impossible to do.

I have actually thought about this before. I would like to invent a painless, instant form of hair removal that is permanent. I just think it would save women so much grief and time and money (and pain). We’ve sent people to the moon, surely we can find a way to blast some hair follicles permanently. C’monnnn. I honestly think it would be Nobel prize worthy.

Over and Out!

*sweeps away books*

*rips up notes*

*runs out into the sun arms outstretched*

Well hello there! My term ended last Thursday and whilst I thought it would be an emotional day having my last lecture, it turns out I was just pretty darned relieved that I didn’t have any further content to revise.

Which brings me onto REVISION. I’ve only just begun and I’m already sick of it. Too much bloody content. Anyway during this rather horrible period I always feel a bit shit so I thought I’d remind myself and share with you guys that I’m not actually (completely) incompetent.

Without further ado, here is a list of things I *think* I’m good at:

  1. Candy Crush- I am GOOD at this game. I can spot a speckled candy or a packet faster than you can spot your mum. OHHHHHHHH.
  2. Formatting on Microsoft Word- I’ll have you know that this is an art form. Tables, borders, shaded cells. You name it, I can do it. I even got commended during my internship for sorting out some dodgy line spacing. Don’t mess.
  3. Remembering song lyrics- I often recite entire songs in my head when I can’t sleep. My favourites are ‘She will be loved’ by Maroon 5 and ‘Just Lose It’ by Eminem when I’m feeling adventurous.
  4. Flipping omelettes- I don’t do anything extravagant like chuck it in the air but I have perfected balancing it on the spatula and turning it over before it breaks. It’s all in the wrist action.
  5. Clicking my joints in weird and wonderful ways- Disgusted? I hope so. *clicks neck*
  6. Identifying sequences- There’s a reason I study Mathematics. I was once good at it.
  7. Acting like I’m listening when I’m not- You need to strike the balance between smiling and nodding and mhmm-ing at the right time.
  8. Enjoying my own company- I think more people need to get better at this. I am perfectly happy entertaining myself (titter). No but seriously I don’t feel alone even if I’m by myself.
  9. Reading quickly- I don’t know how many words per minute but I’m fast. I can read heavyweight books in a day.
  10. Finding good gifts- If Maths doesn’t work out, I think I could set up a successful tailored gift service. I like giving people kooky but practical things.
  11. Using keyboard shortcuts- It physically pains me to see people using their mouse to do things a keyboard could do in half the time.
  12. Not wasting money- I don’t get a high from retail therapy but I do when I see my bank statement.
  13. Being on time- not late, not early, on time. I think people who arrive early are nearly as annoying as people who arrive late.
  14. Adjusting to the situation- I can be sharp and serious when it matters, quiet when I need to be, loud when I want to be, and social if I have to.

Wowwww this list really isn’t very impressive.

Over and Out!

Yeah this blog is on hiatus. Blame my degree. Blame my final year project. And while we’re at it, blame me.

I’m not entirely sure where my time is going. You ever look at the clock and then look back a short while later only to discover it’s been like 4 hours? This seems to be happening to me more and more. It’s really weird too because I’ve actually been cutting back on procrastinating. I’m not even keeping up with my tv shows. From this I conclude that everything I normally do is just taking longer?

Oh I dunno.

I’ll still be on WordPress, just not posting for a while. Le sigh.

Over and Out!

T’is Valentines day. Instead of roses or mush or complaining about how unromantic my day will be, I hope the following absurdly awful pick up lines will make you laugh (or cringe) (or both).

Honesty is an admirable quality.

 

I’d take this as a huge compliment.

 

The speech bubble kills me every time.

I genuinely think this is so smooth.

Lol ‘be here in 10 minutes’

Quite possibly my favourite pick up line ever.

This makes the mathematician in me very happy.

My most romantic relationship right now is probably with my wifi <3.

*snort*

The picture of David Tenant is also a very welcome addition.

*giggle*

I’m so easily pleased.

Over and Out!

What I tell myself: I’ll just have a quick nap. I’ll be so alert and energised afterwards.
What actually happens: Omg it’s tomorrow.

What I tell myself: I’ll start working at 7.30.
What actually happens: Oh look it’s 7.31, better start at 8.00 now.

What I tell myself: Oh god I’m so full- I cannot eat another bite.
What actually happens: Oooh ice cream! I got room for that.

What I tell myself: I’m going to try all of these questions without looking at the answers. The struggle is part of the question.
What actually happens: Fuck it where are those solutions? Ain’t nobody got time fo’ this.

What I tell myself: Omg he’s a douchebag- I’m never speaking to him again.
What actually happens: Hmm it’s been an hour. Maybe I should say sorry.

What I tell myself: I am going to do lots of revision today.
What actually happens: Hole punching my notes and neatly putting them into a folder counts as revision right?

What I tell myself: Ehhh I don’t want to have a bath.
What actually happens: I am a dolphin. I am a mermaid. I’m never leaving this tub.

What I tell myself: I shall read sophisticated books to improve my vocabulary.
What actually happens: Where’s my copy of 50 shades of Grey?

What I tell myself: Now that I’ve bought new kitchen utensils and oven equipment I will become a domestic goddess.
What actually happens: *eats Cornflakes for dinner*

What I tell myself: I need to lose weight- right! Time to do 50 sit ups.
What actually happens: *does 20* Good God, I can’t move.

What I tell myself: Saving a document? I’ll save it as ‘shizzle24′. It is both descriptive and I’ll remember exactly what it is in future.
What actually happens: *in the future* God dammit why do I have 36 files called shizzle.

What I tell myself: I’ll just watch the first episode of this series to decide if I like it.
What actually happens: What do you mean there are no more episodes to watch?! I’ve only watched 3 seasons in 3 days.

What I tell myself: I should really sort out my underarms.
What actually happens: Hmm forgot to do my underarms. I’ll just get through the day avoiding lifting my arms at all cost.

What I tell myself: I’m going to get up 10 minutes earlier so that I don’t have to rush.
What actually happens: Leaves 5 minutes late.

What I tell myself: I’m going to make an effort to look presentable and female.
What actually happens: Unflattering jeans and hoodie it is.

Over and Out!

139. It’s Ma Birthday

Guysss I’m 22- according to Taylor Swift I should be feeling happy, free, confused and lonely in the best way.

I think I’ll just stick to happy.

I’ve celebrated by playing Candy Crush obsessively (it’s becoming a problem). I’m on level 89 after 4 days (yeah I know late on the bandwagon). I’m even dreaming of those stupid colourful blocks bursting. Anyone else suffering from Candy Crush syndrome? If you don’t play, I suggest you keep it that way.

No but seriously, my real celebration will be to have dinner with my parents. We’re just about to head off. I fully plan on stuffing my face with yummy goodness. Party part 2 will be on Wednesday- I’ve having my uni friends around and we’re going to party like a mofo- by which I mean we’re going to watch Pitch Perfect and play Monopoly. Same thing right?

In terms of presents, my mummy bought me a very beautiful photo frame with pearly shiny stuff on it (anything shiny is a winner tbh). I just need to find a picture to put in it now…

Over and Out!

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