Welcome to the inside of my head.

LongBeachGriffy

So LongBeachGriffy is someone I follow on YouTube and his content is so consistently funny that I feel like I need to give him a shout out here.

He plays all the characters in his skits not limited to himself, a girl, a teacher, God, cops, you name it. And he usually ends his videos with yelling of something description and the same sad ‘day after day’ song. This will make more sense once you see some of his stuff!

I deffo think I am going to enjoy this post more than anyone else reading this…but yeah this guy is not for people who get easily offended or are ‘politically correct’.

SIT DOWN. SIT. DOWN. SIT DOOOOOWWWWWWWWN.

 

i JUST wanNA gO to THe GYm. Get some gainz.

 

(Sister Keisha)

 

Put your goddamn hand down.

 

This some seriously dark humour

 

Day after day…

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Avengers End Game

To begin, this post is spoiler free. Though if you haven’t seen it yet, what are you waiting for?!

Also worth noting that I actually saw the movie quite a while back now – I’m just super late writing this.

My ticket to see this movie was pre-booked and I was excited all week to see it. In classic fashion, the group of people that intended to watch it together fizzled down by the end to just me and my friend, Trevor.

In the middle of the day, I got a message from Trevor saying that he wasn’t feeling well and inside I was like.. DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT.. and then he killed my hopes and dreams by saying he would have to bail on me.

So there I was, alone and abandoned, wondering if I could swallow my pride and go see this movie by myself. Before people start crying about the lost ticket, Trevor has purchased a student one for himself so I couldn’t even rope someone else in easily.

But yeah I totes went by myself, for the first time ever. I had planned to eat something before the movie but it took me longer than expected to get there and I basically ended up having 2 scoops of ice cream for dinner. Super healthy.

The cinema was PACKED and the vibe was awesome. By the time the film started, I didn’t even feel alone. I was sharing this experience with about 300 people.

Now the movie itself was good. The atmosphere I watched it in made it epic! There were several rounds of whooping and cheering, one almighty roar at a pivotal moment (if you know, you know), some crying and an entertaining FUCK YOU THANOS (that doesn’t count as a spoiler surely!) from a group of people towards the end.

All in all, 10/10. Deffo want to see again. Not with Trevor though 😛

D8

So I survived my date. I’m going to try and write down as much as I remember so I can look back and scrutinize this later!

When I described the meet-up as a date, my mum was horrified. I asked her why she was reacting like this and what exactly she thought a date entailed. “Doesn’t it include kissy-wissy stuff?” – I genuinely face-palmed and assured her that everyone would be on their best behaviour.

Now the dude, let’s call him Mr K. He was travelling from Stoke to London which is a lot of effort so he got brownie points for that straight away. I met him at Euston and beat him there so we played ‘who can spot the other first?’. I told him I was near the information desk but actually I was a few metres away so I could run if I needed to. Safety first, ladies! But I spotted him and he did not look like an axe murderer so I approached him.

I had no idea how I was going to greet him. In the hour or so it took me to get to Euston, I stress farted several times. I also found myself becoming self conscious over really stupid things like how I walk and if my lips looked chapped. My mind was basically like this:

But I managed to pull myself together. I even napped a bit on the tube. The soundtrack to my journey was “Back to love” by Chris Brown because apparently I am a sap.

When I saw him, he hugged me and I responded on instinct. Thank god he took care of that decision because I would have been just stood there awkwardly if it was left to me. Or worse, gone in with a handshake as if it was a work meeting. Anyway the hug broke the ice and we said hi and stuff and starting discussing Avengers End Game (will post about that separately!).

I’ve been talking to him on and off for over a year but it’s been predominantly over whatsapp. We didn’t do phonecalls or videochats though I’ve received the occasional voice message so I was taken aback when I heard him speak. I should have put two and two together. He’s from Stoke. He’s a Northern boy so he’s going to have an accent. It was actually pretty charming.

I think the whole day could be summarised as “City girl meets Northern boy”. It was obvious he’s not from London. He let people off the tube first; he asked how literally everyone was; he didn’t walk aggressively fast.  In comparison I must have looked like a pushy angry Londoner lol. One of thing he said that cracked me up was when he said “wow everything is contactless in London”.

We made our way to Piccadilly Circus where he bought snacks and then we went to the theatre to watch Book of Mormon. He had an umbrella with him and joked that he’d probably leave it behind. I said I’d remind him (famous last words).

I’d been warned several times about Book of Mormon, that it was offensive and controversial. Those warnings were well deserved but I enjoyed it anyway. It was witty and crude. If I saw it online, I probably wouldn’t bat an eyelid but hearing it live in an audience of well mannered people made it shocking. We had awesome seats which Mr K paid for; I’m still trying to convince him to let me pay for my own ticket. He promised he would as long as I let him pay for dinner (which I did after some convincing). He sat quite close to me during the show and it didn’t feel awkward which is something.

Afterwards we went to Masala Zone for dinner. We have different attitudes towards food which to be fair is not surprising given I am annoying person to eat with i.e. I eat boring plain food and am not very experimental whereas he is a lot more foody and really enjoys eating. I eat to live, not live to eat, though my weighing scales may dispute that. During dinner, we had a proper chance to talk. It was nice that we could gloss over the bullshit opening questions because we already know each other. And it was nice to have this conversation in real life, and to be able to match words with a voice and face and gestures. Made it all real.

After dinner, we went to Snowflake Gelato for desert and I got chocolate ice cream *grin* and he got an Eton Mess. This was my favourite part of the evening because it felt like we were sitting in a little bubble and I got to ask him the real stuff… if I was what he expected, if it all felt weird, if he was happy we met. He answered pretty positively. I like that he didn’t try any mushy stuff like say he thought I was pretty or any other crap. Am super non-receptive to that.

It was here that the umbrella got left. Face palm.

We then headed to Oxford circus and parted ways. I hugged him – I had to to tip toe which he found amusing. Whilst I got home fine, turns out he couldn’t get a train home so was stranded for a while. He eventually took a train to another destination and got his cousin to drive him home. This must have been an expensive date for him…

After I got home, I got a mini interrogation from my mum. She went a lot easier on me than I expected… Are you okay? (I made it home, didn’t I?!) Did you like him? (Yes I did) Did he like you? (I think so) Will you see him again? (Yes most likely)

We’ve spoken a bit since then and one of the things that has cropped up is that he is a specific type of Shia Muslim whereas I’m technically a Sunni Muslim. These labels mean very little to me. I think they’re a minor issue for my parents but ultimately if I liked someone enough, they’d be fine with it. The rest of my family would likely kick up a fuss but I’m less bothered about that. Unfortunately my “Sunni-ness” might be problematic for his family. Call me egotistical, but I never expected to be a problem for anyone’s family! Either way, we both agreed to cross that bridge if and when it arose.

Why can’t anything be simple?!

 

I told you so

So my dad thinks he can fix/fit/install anything and to give him credit, 9 times out of 10, he can. It just takes him a long long time.

Yesterday the weather was lovely so he decided it would be the perfect opportunity to fit the new window for our living room (which has been sitting in our garage for the best part of year).

It was all going so well. We removed the glass from the original window, walloped the edges of the window (I got to help with this – so satisfying) and painstakingly removed the window frame. Then we hauled the new window into place and secured it. Next was putting in the new glass.

To secure the glass you need to clip some stuff around the edges, almost like a border. However my dad wanted to put some ‘packers’ in first (learning the lingo) except he needed to remind himself how to do it so went off to watch a YouTube tutorial (I can’t make this up).

Meanwhile the glass is literally secured by the act of gravity and some duct tape. I warned my dad that this was too flimsy and he was adamant that it would be fine.

I kid you not. 15 minutes later, a gust of wind resulted in the glass crashing onto the floor, shards everywhere.

I learnt that my fight or flight response is screaming. Like a banshee.

I spent the rest of evening cleaning up and hoovering glass. Think I deserve an award for not telling my dad ‘I told you so’.

Given we didn’t want to get burgled, my dad installed the broken window (one side was still miraculously intact) and slept downstairs with a bat.

 

ePIC FAil

I GOT THE DATE OF MY DATE WRONG. AND HE KNOWS THAT I GOT IT WRONG.

I AM SO MORTIFIED.

WHAT IS MY LIFE.

IT IS NEXT SATURDAY.

Pretty sure no-one reads this any more. I think I like it that way. I have written a whole bunch of stuff over the last year or two and then just left it in my drafts but I think I’ll hit publish on this one because why not.

This seems to be turning into a stream of consciousness. I’m sure I had something to say. Oh yeah. I have a date.

A date I hear you cry?! A date. A   D A T E. Yeah I’m surprised too.

You know what is even more surprising. My mum knows. So not only is it a date, it’s a mother-approved date. I know. I KNOW. But hey my dad doesn’t know, which means the Earth is stilling spinning on its axis. Think my dad would chop off the balls of any guy that didn’t look at me right. He’s kinda protective.

So the person I’m going with. I met him under…strange circumstances. I’m not going to go into that here. We have been speaking on and off since Jan 2018, in weird bursts. I’ve always found him easy to talk to. I never feel judged with him. He sees me as a woman rather than a friend.. which is a pretty novel experience for me and ngl kinda nice.

At the same time, I don’t feel sure about him. I have pushed him away because of this at least 2 times and he’s maneuvered his way back in both times. Props for persistence. I think that’s why I caved and agreed to this date in the whole place. We’ll see how it goes.

So it’s tomorrow. We’re going to the theatre. Ooh la la. Book of Mormon, which I’ve wanted to see for a long time. I hope he doesn’t expect too much chatter during the show.

I’ve decided on what I’m going to wear but realistically will probably change my mind last minute. I’m kinda nervous because I’m not sure how much is riding on this. Also I got my hair cut today and the hairdresser cut the front wayyy too short so I look less than tip top. Oh well. My plan now is not to plan. What will be will be.

Over and Out!

 

 

 

 

In case you don’t know, I read. A lot. And I am one of those people that actually enjoy reading books about pain and heartache and loss because I am a masochist but also because I think it helps put my own life, and my own struggles into perspective.

So without further ado, there is my top 5 list of books that will give you ALL the feels. Keep some tissues handy.

Eleanor and Park by Rainbow Rowell

I cannot rave about this book enough. I love it to death. I think it might be my favourite book of all time.

It’s short and bitter and about two teens who sit next to each other on the school bus and fall in love. The reason I think it’s special is because it reminds me of how exaggerated everything feels at that age; how amazing the good things feel and how utterly devastating the bad things feel. It makes you remember all of your firsts; the first time someone looked at you and really ‘saw’ you, the first time someone held your hand, the first time someone kissed you and you felt it right down to your toes.

Image result for eleanor and park

Memorable lines:

“Holding Eleanor’s hand was like holding a butterfly. Or a heartbeat. Like holding something complete, and completely alive.”

“The me that’s me right now is yours. Always.”

The Fault in Our Stars by John Green

In my opinion, this book is worth the hype. Why? Because John Green managed to write a book about two teenagers who have cancer and he made the cancer feel secondary; an intimidating obstacle for sure, but always second to them, and to their friendship. Augustus Waters breathed life into Hazel and it was so so beautiful to read. I will never hear the word ‘okay’ in the same way again.

Image result for the fault in our stars

Memorable lines:

“Some people don’t understand the promises they’re making when they make them,” I said.

“Right, of course. But you keep the promise anyway. That’s what love is. Love is keeping the promise anyway.”

“But I will say this: When the scientists of the future show up at my house with robot eyes and they tell me to try them on, I will tell the scientists to screw off, because I do not want to see a world without him.”

It ends with Us by Coleen Hoover

Coleen Hoover is a Wonder Woman. I don’t think she has it in her to write a bad book but this one in particular, really got to me. It is about a woman who has experienced domestic violence in her childhood home and hated her mother for ‘allowing’ it. Fast forward a few years and she is the same position. It shows you just how easily these sorts of situations can develop and how, even if you’re strong, your limits can be eroded. What you might have thought was unacceptable a year ago can become palatable.

I loved this because it never felt simple and that is what made it real. Could you leave someone who was the best thing to every happen to you 99% of the time but also the worst 1% of the time?

Image result for it ends with us

Memorable line:

“Preventing your heart from forgiving someone you love is actually a hell of a lot harder than simply forgiving them.”

All the Bright Places by Jennifer Niven

This book killed me. It was like a burning dagger to my heart that turned me into a bawling mess crying into my blanket at 1am. And that’s saying something because I have never ever wept whilst reading before.

Theodore Finch isn’t like other people. In fact he isn’t like anyone else at all. He is apologetically himself  but he seems to feel everything. His mind races at 100mph and he is constantly struggling to keep up with his own thoughts to the point where it is overwhelming. From the first page you know that he wants to die, and he’s about to do it when he realises that Violet is also standing on the belltower for the same reason. For someone so set on dying, it hit me right in the feels that he was able to talk her down.

In the months that follow, Theo still wants to die but Violet gives him a reason every day not to. In return he loves her fiercely.

I usually shy away from books like these because I think some authors try too hard to evoke emotions but I thought this was different. The ending felt both inevitable and surprising. Both beautiful and tragic. Both necessary and pointless.

Image result for all the bright places

Memorable line:

“You have been in every way all that anyone could be.… If anybody could have saved me it would have been you.”

The above is actually an extract from Virginia Woolf’s suicide note which is one of the most bittersweet things I have ever read.

If I stay by Gayle Foreman

The premise of this story is deceptively simple; Mia loses her entire family in a car crash and she is hanging on by a thread in intensive care. She has one choice to make; should she follow her family or should she stay?

This is not one of those books which is like oh love conquers all, she has her grandparents and her friends and her boyfriend, of course she’ll stay. It is messy and it is honest and it is vulnerable. I really appreciated that it was not clear cut. The snippets of her life as she knew it versus her life in real time were interwoven so compellingly that it made Mia and her choice feel real.

Image result for if i stay book

Memorable passage:

“It’s okay,’ he tells me. ‘If you want to go. Everyone wants you to stay. I want you to stay more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life.’ His voice cracks with emotion. He stops, clears his throat, takes a breath, and continues. ‘But that’s what I want and I could see why it might not be what you want. So I just wanted to tell you that I understand if you go. It’s okay if you have to leave us. It’s okay if you want to stop fighting.’

Okay who is cutting onions god dammit?!

Over and Out!