Welcome to the inside of my head.

10. Assessment Centre

My dreaded assessment ordeal day is finally over. I am so relieved but more than anything I am just mentally and physically exhausted. 

Somebody give me a massage. And put a flower in my hair too.

I woke up at the ungodly hour of quarter to 6 to guarantee I got there on time. It was pretty much pitch black outside- seriously depressing! I was on my feet pretty much the whole day and when you’re in heels, that absolutely kills. My back is actually aching right now and if it was possible to have a 6 pac on your calves, I would bloody well have one. They are rock hard. It’s as if Medusa looked at them and turned them to stone.

I was really worried on the day that I wouldn’t be able to get words coherently out of my mouth. Thankfully I didn’t have any spluttering incidents or say something like wag1 y’all, wassup homie or yeh boi. Instead I word vomited. Taking this as a metaphor, I hurled ALL over them and I don’t even know what was in my sick. Yes… I bet you’re all loving that imagery.

A few people mentioned that there might be some awkwardness at the assessment centre with the other candidates. After all, how much do you have in common? Now I don’t know if I just got lucky, but I was with a great bunch. Most of them spoke quite openly and freely and it genuinely made the day so much better. There were conversations about A Game of Thrones (Daenerys is well fit said one guy), One Pound Fish song (I gave them a rendition of “Come on ladiess”) and Twilight (oh my god it is so shit but I’ve got to see it said another guy).

Afterwards we all headed to a pub nearby and sat down and chillaxed. One of the dudes was talking about his supreme ‘bullshitting’ ability and how he actually created an imaginary child (called Ryan) from an impoverished background who flourished after he tutored him. All of this was for the purpose of creating a relevant example for a competency question. Unbelievable! We’re all guilty of exaggerating our accomplishments but that’s just taking the biscuit!

Overall, I didn’t flop as hard as I anticipated and given that I’m an AC virgin, I think I did alright. I have zero expectation of actually getting the offer though. But hey, at least I looked good. Yeh boi!

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