Welcome to the inside of my head.

27. Lethargi…

…see I’m so tired I couldn’t even be bothered to finish typing the title.

My point being- I’M SO TIRED. I don’t even know why. I’m not 100% well healthwise but even when I am, I still feel tired.

Waking up in the morning is such an arduous task- I actually dread the sound of my alarm and I snooze it as much as I can get away with. Of course when I do that, it means I have even less breakfast than normal, on top of which I have to run for the bus/ train so that I get to my lecture on time hence I’m extra exhausted when I arrive.  And so the day goes by. I take breaks to eat but while it satiates my hunger, it doesn’t exactly revitalise me. If anything, it makes me want to sleep which is not helpful when you’re trying to stay alert during lectures.

On the journey home, I usually try to get some shut eye but in the back of my mind I know I can’t fall asleep completely in case I miss my stop and end up in Oxford/ Banbury/ Radley/Twyford/ Heathrow or god knows where else. Furthermore, there will probably be some person:

  • sitting entirely too close to me
  • shuffling every five seconds
  • has a dozen bags with them, half of which are on my lap
  • is chatting really loudly on the phone or to someone across the carriage
  • decides to fart/ burp through the journey
  • had terrible body odour

All of the above make it bloody difficult to rest on the train!

By the time I get home, I know I should nap but here’s the thing. People go on about how naps are so refreshing and how it gives them energy but personally, I find it works in the opposite way. I wake up drained and desperate to continue sleeping. And anyway I’d feel guilty for sleeping before I got any work done…except I don’t even start working till about 10pm. 10pm – 12pm is my most productive work period which is pretty weird because I am fighting sleep the whole time. Maybe this battle to fight my eyes closing is what makes my brain productive. Who knows? By the time it hits 12pm, I know I really should be getting to bed otherwise it will be impossible to wake up the next morning. I go to bed ready to sleep but does my brain listen? HELL NO. It just wants to replay everything I’ve done today with particular emphasis on all the stupid stuff I did or all the things I should have said but didn’t. Thank you brain. Thanks a lot.

Right you know I started this posted wondering why I am so tired. I have my answer. Scumbag brain. God.

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