Welcome to the inside of my head.

This post might seem a bit erratic in contrast to the tone of my other posts but I’m just feeling pensive today.  Bear with me. I heard about a difficult situation someone was in and it made me wonder how I would feel in their shoes.

To give you some context:

Imagine you applied to a job you really wanted. You thought it was exactly what you needed and you really felt like you had a place there. You go to the interview and perform well. They are impressed by your calibre and like your enthusiasm but unfortunately someone just pipped you and they don’t have enough space for you. Those words sound pretty hollow given the end outcome. But what if they got back to you? What if they said the person that pipped you is out of the picture and well…you’re next in line. Say you knew the other person wasn’t coming back. Would you take the job?

I think most people would- I would anyway- simply because of how much I wanted it initially. I’d take the first rejection on the chin.

But what if this wasn’t for a job? What if this was a relationship and it all revolved around someone you really cared about? Would you make the same decision?

It doesn’t feel straightforward anymore. When it comes to affairs of the heart, pride is a bitter pill to swallow. The rationale of this being everything you wanted plays second fiddle to the disappointment of being second choice, second best.

There’s something attractive about the idea of pushing someone away and hurting them right back, regardless of whether it’s actually what you want to. Some might call it ‘tit for tat’. You could also look at it another way. Technically you’re their ‘first’ second choice. Some might call that the silver lining. Maybe we should make the most of it.

If I’m being brutally honest, I would probably shove them away because I am bitter and stubborn, though I’m sure I would regret it. I like to think I’d eventually make amends though.

The question is…could you settle with being the person that someone settled for? 

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Comments on: "41. Second choice, second best" (1)

  1. Actual Advice Mallard said:

    With jobs it’s fine to take it after a rejection. However with a relationship like you said it’s much more complicated, however quite frankly you should never settle for someone if they settle for you, because you will always feel like you were the second best and not what that person really wants.

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