Welcome to the inside of my head.

After the insane weekend I had in Paris, returning back to London felt surreal. I had been awake for 26 hours straight, my feet were aching from wearing heels for two days and I was exhausted right down to my bones. As soon as I got home, I ate some Coco Pops and promptly fell asleep for 9 hours straight. When I woke up I was so disorientated; I had no idea where I was or what time it was because my body clock was so messed. The first thing I did was check out what I had missed while I was gone and it was then that I found out that third year results were released.

To be honest I didn’t want to open them but I had to assess the damage. I knew beforehand that it wouldn’t be as good as last year and the ‘I don’t give a shit’ feeling that I had after the exams had faded by now so I was anxious.

I was… disappointed.

Don’t get me wrong. I didn’t do badly but I was so far off what I aspired. My New Year’s resolution was to try and get a First in every non-maths module (there are 7) and I got 3 (though one was only off by 1) and they weren’t good Firsts either. They were scrapes to the extreme but I’ll take what I can get.

My lowest mark was in Managerial Economics which is supposed to be an ‘easy’ option and to be fair my friends did really well in it but I thoroughly lack economic sense and I have a long standing history of hating multiple choice exams. I should have known better than to listen to other people. No more non-maths modules for me.

There was one module that I was particularly disappointed with; Games, Risks and Decisions. I really enjoyed the module and I felt like I had a good grasp on the content but I got a very average mark. It’s not unfair because I know I didn’t perform well in the exam but it’s definitely not representative of my understanding. Oh well…I guess it evens out. Last year I got higher marks in modules that I knew very little about.

I don’t want to be completely negative so I’ll share a positive too. I got a First in M3T: Communicating Mathematics which is the project I wrote after my exams. It’s one of those modules where it’s usual to get a 2:1, rare to get a 2:2 but difficult to get a First so I guess I should be pleased.

I might sound obnoxious complaining about a high 2:1 but I wanted to do better and I’m pretty bummed. I’ve never not got the highest grades and I really don’t want my university degree to be where I mess up. I don’t give a shit about how it’s good to fail sometimes and how it’s a learning curve. It’s going to be challenging to get a First overall but it’s still within my grasp (just about). I just need to pull out something special next year but it’s going to be seriously tight. I don’t think I can outrightly get a First but I can get in the grey area between a 2:1 and First forcing them to discuss my case and I’ll have to pray it goes in my favour. But that’s the thing, I’m now reliant on other people rather than my own merit.

I’m such a mix of emotions right now. I’m ecstatic for my friends who are graduating with amazing marks and I’m still on a high from my action packed weekend (which I will share more about with lots of pics later) but I’m kicking myself about my results. I haven’t told my parents yet because they’re still asleep. In a way I’m glad because I’m scared I’ve disappointed them but at the same time I really need some comforting words from my mum because I can’t ‘forgive’ myself until she does… though I’m not sure that’s the right word to use here.

But there you go. I was in Paris living the good life where my biggest worry was what necklace I should wear for the wedding and now I’m back in London smacked back to reality and I need to focus on my internship and university. Don’t things change quickly!

Over and Out!

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Comments on: "103. Back to life, back to reality" (9)

  1. Sorry about the exam results! I hope you don’t get too disheartened. I know what you mean about that ‘back-to-earth’ feeling as well… Though not in Paris. I found the Eiffel Tower a bit disappointing. Also the London Eye. I don’t know, maybe I don’t have an eye for architecture.

    • Thanks- I’m trying to be optimistic and I hope to sort things out next year.

      I still haven’t had a chance to visit the Eiffel Tower properly (despite visiting France several times…) so I can’t judge. Ahahaha with the London Eye, I remember being really disappointed that it moved SO slow. I was expecting a ferris wheel. 😛

  2. refried_beans said:

    This was enjoyable to read and I like the way you express yourself. I really don’t think you need to do something special next year to get a first; it looks like you’re already on course for one and just need to improve a little more from third year! The majority of msci students get firsts as long as they apply themselves in final year. You’ll do it! 🙂

  3. But didn’t you know the only purpose of Imperial is to destroy all your dignity, confidence, self esteem, intelligence etc and make you feel utterly worthless and insignificant???

    On the other hand a high 2.1 at Imperial is an outstanding performance! Even if you don’t rate it, I think it’s amazing! And you’ll definitely have a chance of pushing it to a first next year! Don’t be down on yourself 🙂

    • Haha Imperial are succeeding by that criteria then lol! It’s knocked my confidence but I’ll be fine given some time.

      Yeah you’re right a 2:1 is good but I’m fussy and set high standards for myself and then beat myself up when I don’t meet them. We’ll see… I still have time to turn it around.

  4. You sound like math whiz-kid. You tick of all the boxes of how Hollywood tells us what awesome people come from the Asian background!

    I so wanted to do something grand with my school level math but… me understanding trigonometry is like Batman kissing Bane. Just not possible!

    • I’m no whiz kid I assure you! Most people have that view on Mathematics- they either ‘click’ with it or they just hate it!

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