Welcome to the inside of my head.


My phupho, my dad’s sister, passed away this morning. She had suffered with ill health for the majority of her life and if there is anything positive at all to take away from this, it is that she is no longer in pain. But she leaves behind two children, aged only 21 and 17 whose lives have been turned upside down in a heartbeat.

She was one of the most gentlest women I have ever known. She was never physically strong but she was a fierce mother.

We found out yesterday that she had been taken to the hospital and that things were looking bad. However this had happened several times before and we all prayed that she’d get through it again. But everyone’s body has a limit and she reached hers.

My family is stricken; the grief in my house is palpable. Today has just been a blur of tears, tissues and phonecalls, so many phonecalls. My dad is the rock of our house who always keeps a level head and he’s just broken. I can’t even look him in the eye; it hurts me to see him like this. My mum has been alternating between stories of my phupho and heavy choking sobs. And me. All I keep hearing in my head is her voice saying ‘Aliya beti (child)’ the way she used to. I find some comfort in tears but then a little while later someone says something and the grief hits me again like a tidal wave.

The only thing I pray for this New Year is that my phupho rest in peace and that God gives the rest of us strength.

Inna lillahi wa inna ilaihi rajioon
“Surely we belong to Allah and to Him shall we return”

Comments on: "Grief" (11)

  1. Aliya, I’m so so sorry for your loss. I pray God rests her soul among the best, and grants you and your family strength and patience.

    • Thank you for your thoughts and prayers. Over the last few days, I have been grateful that God has indeed granted my family more strength and patience than I would have believed possible. I don’t think we could have coped better.

  2. Sorry to hear this, I hope time heals the wounds her passing leaves. Know that wherever she is, it’s a better place and no matter what, she will always be with you. Give yourself the time to grieve but keep the positives with you. Much love.

    • Thank you. I find it consoling too that wherever she is, she is finally getting the rest and peace that she never got in life. We are all doing our best to keep positive.

  3. So sorry for your loss. I pray God grants her heaven, and eases your families grief.

  4. So sorry for your loss. I pray God grants her heaven, and eases your families grief.

  5. So so sorry about your Aunt, Inna lillahi wa inna illayhi raji3oon.

  6. Sorry to hear about your loss. May Allah grant her the best of the best in Jannat!

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