Welcome to the inside of my head.

Edit: I got a call back which led to a marathon Skype session. It was perfectly fine once I got past ‘hi’.  Shouldn’t have worried.

So now that I’m totally and utterly free from uni (post about that in the works) I’ve had an alarmingly large amount of time to just think. One of the things that has been particularly bothering me is that I’ve been a pretty poor friend to my friends outside of uni. Enduring your final year at Imperial doesn’t leave much stress-free time but I still feel like it’s my fault.  Anyway the reason I’m writing this post is because I tried to rectify that today. I thought I’d call a friend who I haven’t spoken to in ages so I did; I unlocked my phone, went to the address book, found his name and then sat paralyzed in fear for about 20 minutes. I have rarely felt so pathetic.

I was actually scared. What if he doesn’t want to talk to me? How do I even start the conversation? It got to the point where I was practicing variations of  ‘hello’ and considering writing down an opening line. And the overwhelming feeling accompanying this was guilt. Guilt that I hadn’t stayed in touch. Guilt that I hadn’t called. And fear that I might lose a friend because I couldn’t get over my own god damn pride and press a button on my phone.

Anyway after convincing myself that backing out meant I was a scaredycat, I hit the ‘call’ button and listened to it ring, and ring.

Yeah it went to voicemail. Didn’t leave a message. Now I have to make sure I don’t mess things up when/if I get a call back.

Moral of the story: I need to man the eff up.

 

Over and Out!

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Comments on: "150. Just me, being an idiot." (9)

  1. Oh I totally sympathise. Not in exactly same situation, but just in general… friendships can be complicated. And extremely awkward. 😛

    • Haha I’ve definitely had my share of awkward moments with my friends. In the long run however I feel such experiences bring you closer and if not, they make for amusing tales 😛

      • Once I had a less successful encounter with an old friend. I said hi, stood in silence for like a minute and then walked away. 😛 Not sure that brought us closer, but it sure was awkward. 😀

  2. Flora Pan said:

    I totally understand that. And sometimes it’s not even because I want to be a part of that friend’s life again, but that I just want to catch up about things and just have a conversation, BUT I STILL GET SO NERVOUS!! I’m one of those people who are really bad at keeping in touch, so I feel you. T-T

    • It’s really scary being the person to initiate. I always feel like I’m ‘intruding’ or ‘disturbing’ them, gah!

  3. I see what you mean.

    I think especially that when you and your friendship group leaves uni (or if you do a Masters like you), everyone understands that people might be really busy. So I doubt they’ll take it badly that you’ve been a bit quiet

    • Yeah you’re right- my final year deffo was a black hole in terms of time.
      Turns out I worried for no reason, the conversation was easy once it started. Looks like the hardest part is simply starting.

  4. I can totally relate to this if I haven’t spoken to someone in a while I get nervous to text or call them because I feel like they probably are busy and I’m disturbing them. It’s so weird because if someone gets annoyed at you for being busy and act’s offish then surely that’s a problem with their attitude rather than you being a bad friend – well that’s my perspective on it.

  5. I’m sure you’ll get a call back! But don’t beat yourself up about it, I’m sure he understands that you’ve been busy. You sound like a great friend 🙂

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