Welcome to the inside of my head.

So in that last post where I said I hoped to still keep up with my blog- yeah that didn’t happen. I can only apologise. I’m guilty. I chose sleep over blogging. Disgraceful.

So what the hell have I been doing? The daily grind covers it- the getting up, going to work, commuting home and collapsing in bed routine.

People ask me all the time how my job is going and I smile and say it’s good and that I’m being kept busy.

But here is what I really want to say.

I have caught myself questioning working life a hundred times over the past month.

The first, and it makes me sad to say this is, is this it? Is this what my life is going to be… 40 years of a daily 9-5  (let’s be honest 8.30-6) and catching up on sleep on the weekend. There’s got to be more, surely.

Then there’s WHAT I’m doing. I like that I’m being given responsibility and I’m doing something ‘real’ but I’m basically a glorified Excel person. Spreadsheets and Outlook are my two sidekicks.

Sometimes I feel like such a sellout. I picked such a ‘safe’, ‘stable’ career. I’ve been so busy being realistic about the future that I never sat down to actually ask myself what I wanted to do. I stumbled into this with my eyes closed and my fingers crossed and a mantra that it’ll work out. And you know what, it probably will. I just need to adjust and grab any opportunity to do non-standard stuff. But for now I’m going to moan because I bloody well want to.

I also worry about my time, more specifically the lack of it. What’s the point of earning money if you don’t have time to use it?  I am quickly beginning to realise that there are not enough hours in the day for me to do all the things I want, and this makes me feel bitter. I want to see my family, chat to my friends, keep up to date with all my tv shows, listen to all the new music and spend hours exploring YouTube and WordPress. But I can’t. And I think it sucks.

And the bit that shocks me is that I’m lucky. I can come home and my parents take such good care of me. How do people living alone function? When do they find the time to go food shopping or cook? How do parents drum up the energy to entertain their kids and keep up to date?

The way I see it…if you let it, work will suck you in and take over your life. I need to prioritise what is really important and do enough things in my personal life so that I don’t lose my identity.

I need to remind myself that I am so much more than just an employee.

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Comments on: "161. Working Life: The Sucky Truth." (10)

  1. Wow. I haven’t blogged in a while either, so I very much sympathise.

    I get where you are with the existential crisis – I’m having one myself. 😛 As for careers, I really want to be an author, but it’s not really the most lucrative choice. I would be fine with this, but I don’t know, if I raise kids, I want to give them as decent a standard of life as I currently have. I’ve been procrastinating a lot more recently. For me its not so much a lack of time as a lack of time management skills.

    Hang in there. 🙂

    • Gah I should have replied to this ages ago!
      It is a difficult balance…doing what you want v. being practical. For me personally, I think I went a bit too practical but hopefully this decision means my kids will have more freedom to do that they want. I always take a long term view.
      Being an author would be so cool though! It only takes one awesome plotline… If you’re serious about it, I think you should pursue it!

  2. As a student who is soon to graduate and enter the working world (praying to the heavens I can even find a job), this is one of the things I’m afraid of. After all the struggles and cheering because I got a job, am I even going to like it? It terrifies me to think about a life outside of the 9-5 daily grind even though I know it’s probably a better option for me. I do hope you’ll be able to hold onto yourself tightly and not let the everyday overwhelm you 🙂

    • It’s a pretty terrifying step, joining the big bad working world. You learn a lot very quickly and you also appreciate things that you used to take for granted such as time and sleep! However I think it gets better and we learn to adapt.

      You say you worry that you might not like your job but you never really know until you try, and even then you have to give it enough time to get an accurate picture of your role. The best way to find out is to dive in.

      You mentioned jobs outside the standard 9 to 5. What kind of stuff are you thinking about?

      • I supposed that is true.. I always find myself being scared of something before I even give it a try :$ And I’m talking about things like freelance or a more flexible job where you can take some work home or just make your own hours. But of course those are either hard to come by or much more difficult to be successful at.

      • That is true- those sort of jobs are definitely more difficult to find. I think it would be unrealistic to start with that kind of job but I definitely think it is something you could work towards. The more experience you gain, the more flexibility your employer usually offers… or better yet you can use that experience and go freelance and take control of your career.

      • I think that’s what I’m thinking of right now..but who knows, maybe I’ll fall in love with the job I find after coming out of school and never think about a second thing. That would be a dream haha

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