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LongBeachGriffy

So LongBeachGriffy is someone I follow on YouTube and his content is so consistently funny that I feel like I need to give him a shout out here.

He plays all the characters in his skits not limited to himself, a girl, a teacher, God, cops, you name it. And he usually ends his videos with yelling of something description and the same sad ‘day after day’ song. This will make more sense once you see some of his stuff!

I deffo think I am going to enjoy this post more than anyone else reading this…but yeah this guy is not for people who get easily offended or are ‘politically correct’.

SIT DOWN. SIT. DOWN. SIT DOOOOOWWWWWWWWN.

 

i JUST wanNA gO to THe GYm. Get some gainz.

 

(Sister Keisha)

 

Put your goddamn hand down.

 

This some seriously dark humour

 

Day after day…

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Avengers End Game

To begin, this post is spoiler free. Though if you haven’t seen it yet, what are you waiting for?!

Also worth noting that I actually saw the movie quite a while back now – I’m just super late writing this.

My ticket to see this movie was pre-booked and I was excited all week to see it. In classic fashion, the group of people that intended to watch it together fizzled down by the end to just me and my friend, Trevor.

In the middle of the day, I got a message from Trevor saying that he wasn’t feeling well and inside I was like.. DON’T EVEN THINK ABOUT IT.. and then he killed my hopes and dreams by saying he would have to bail on me.

So there I was, alone and abandoned, wondering if I could swallow my pride and go see this movie by myself. Before people start crying about the lost ticket, Trevor has purchased a student one for himself so I couldn’t even rope someone else in easily.

But yeah I totes went by myself, for the first time ever. I had planned to eat something before the movie but it took me longer than expected to get there and I basically ended up having 2 scoops of ice cream for dinner. Super healthy.

The cinema was PACKED and the vibe was awesome. By the time the film started, I didn’t even feel alone. I was sharing this experience with about 300 people.

Now the movie itself was good. The atmosphere I watched it in made it epic! There were several rounds of whooping and cheering, one almighty roar at a pivotal moment (if you know, you know), some crying and an entertaining FUCK YOU THANOS (that doesn’t count as a spoiler surely!) from a group of people towards the end.

All in all, 10/10. Deffo want to see again. Not with Trevor though 😛

D8

So I survived my date. I’m going to try and write down as much as I remember so I can look back and scrutinize this later!

When I described the meet-up as a date, my mum was horrified. I asked her why she was reacting like this and what exactly she thought a date entailed. “Doesn’t it include kissy-wissy stuff?” – I genuinely face-palmed and assured her that everyone would be on their best behaviour.

Now the dude, let’s call him Mr K. He was travelling from Stoke to London which is a lot of effort so he got brownie points for that straight away. I met him at Euston and beat him there so we played ‘who can spot the other first?’. I told him I was near the information desk but actually I was a few metres away so I could run if I needed to. Safety first, ladies! But I spotted him and he did not look like an axe murderer so I approached him.

I had no idea how I was going to greet him. In the hour or so it took me to get to Euston, I stress farted several times. I also found myself becoming self conscious over really stupid things like how I walk and if my lips looked chapped. My mind was basically like this:

But I managed to pull myself together. I even napped a bit on the tube. The soundtrack to my journey was “Back to love” by Chris Brown because apparently I am a sap.

When I saw him, he hugged me and I responded on instinct. Thank god he took care of that decision because I would have been just stood there awkwardly if it was left to me. Or worse, gone in with a handshake as if it was a work meeting. Anyway the hug broke the ice and we said hi and stuff and starting discussing Avengers End Game (will post about that separately!).

I’ve been talking to him on and off for over a year but it’s been predominantly over whatsapp. We didn’t do phonecalls or videochats though I’ve received the occasional voice message so I was taken aback when I heard him speak. I should have put two and two together. He’s from Stoke. He’s a Northern boy so he’s going to have an accent. It was actually pretty charming.

I think the whole day could be summarised as “City girl meets Northern boy”. It was obvious he’s not from London. He let people off the tube first; he asked how literally everyone was; he didn’t walk aggressively fast.  In comparison I must have looked like a pushy angry Londoner lol. One of thing he said that cracked me up was when he said “wow everything is contactless in London”.

We made our way to Piccadilly Circus where he bought snacks and then we went to the theatre to watch Book of Mormon. He had an umbrella with him and joked that he’d probably leave it behind. I said I’d remind him (famous last words).

I’d been warned several times about Book of Mormon, that it was offensive and controversial. Those warnings were well deserved but I enjoyed it anyway. It was witty and crude. If I saw it online, I probably wouldn’t bat an eyelid but hearing it live in an audience of well mannered people made it shocking. We had awesome seats which Mr K paid for; I’m still trying to convince him to let me pay for my own ticket. He promised he would as long as I let him pay for dinner (which I did after some convincing). He sat quite close to me during the show and it didn’t feel awkward which is something.

Afterwards we went to Masala Zone for dinner. We have different attitudes towards food which to be fair is not surprising given I am annoying person to eat with i.e. I eat boring plain food and am not very experimental whereas he is a lot more foody and really enjoys eating. I eat to live, not live to eat, though my weighing scales may dispute that. During dinner, we had a proper chance to talk. It was nice that we could gloss over the bullshit opening questions because we already know each other. And it was nice to have this conversation in real life, and to be able to match words with a voice and face and gestures. Made it all real.

After dinner, we went to Snowflake Gelato for desert and I got chocolate ice cream *grin* and he got an Eton Mess. This was my favourite part of the evening because it felt like we were sitting in a little bubble and I got to ask him the real stuff… if I was what he expected, if it all felt weird, if he was happy we met. He answered pretty positively. I like that he didn’t try any mushy stuff like say he thought I was pretty or any other crap. Am super non-receptive to that.

It was here that the umbrella got left. Face palm.

We then headed to Oxford circus and parted ways. I hugged him – I had to to tip toe which he found amusing. Whilst I got home fine, turns out he couldn’t get a train home so was stranded for a while. He eventually took a train to another destination and got his cousin to drive him home. This must have been an expensive date for him…

After I got home, I got a mini interrogation from my mum. She went a lot easier on me than I expected… Are you okay? (I made it home, didn’t I?!) Did you like him? (Yes I did) Did he like you? (I think so) Will you see him again? (Yes most likely)

We’ve spoken a bit since then and one of the things that has cropped up is that he is a specific type of Shia Muslim whereas I’m technically a Sunni Muslim. These labels mean very little to me. I think they’re a minor issue for my parents but ultimately if I liked someone enough, they’d be fine with it. The rest of my family would likely kick up a fuss but I’m less bothered about that. Unfortunately my “Sunni-ness” might be problematic for his family. Call me egotistical, but I never expected to be a problem for anyone’s family! Either way, we both agreed to cross that bridge if and when it arose.

Why can’t anything be simple?!

 

I don’t know what I’m doing

Pretty sure no-one reads this any more. I think I like it that way. I have written a whole bunch of stuff over the last year or two and then just left it in my drafts but I think I’ll hit publish on this one because why not.

This seems to be turning into a stream of consciousness. I’m sure I had something to say. Oh yeah. I have a date.

A date I hear you cry?! A date. A   D A T E. Yeah I’m surprised too.

You know what is even more surprising. My mum knows. So not only is it a date, it’s a mother-approved date. I know. I KNOW. But hey my dad doesn’t know, which means the Earth is stilling spinning on its axis. Think my dad would chop off the balls of any guy that didn’t look at me right. He’s kinda protective.

So the person I’m going with. I met him under…strange circumstances. I’m not going to go into that here. We have been speaking on and off since Jan 2018, in weird bursts. I’ve always found him easy to talk to. I never feel judged with him. He sees me as a woman rather than a friend.. which is a pretty novel experience for me and ngl kinda nice.

At the same time, I don’t feel sure about him. I have pushed him away because of this at least 2 times and he’s maneuvered his way back in both times. Props for persistence. I think that’s why I caved and agreed to this date in the whole place. We’ll see how it goes.

So it’s tomorrow. We’re going to the theatre. Ooh la la. Book of Mormon, which I’ve wanted to see for a long time. I hope he doesn’t expect too much chatter during the show.

I’ve decided on what I’m going to wear but realistically will probably change my mind last minute. I’m kinda nervous because I’m not sure how much is riding on this. Also I got my hair cut today and the hairdresser cut the front wayyy too short so I look less than tip top. Oh well. My plan now is not to plan. What will be will be.

Over and Out!

 

 

 

 

5 books that will give you all the feels

In case you don’t know, I read. A lot. And I am one of those people that actually enjoy reading books about pain and heartache and loss because I am a masochist but also because I think it helps put my own life, and my own struggles into perspective.

So without further ado, there is my top 5 list of books that will give you ALL the feels. Keep some tissues handy.

Eleanor and Park by Rainbow Rowell

I cannot rave about this book enough. I love it to death. I think it might be my favourite book of all time.

It’s short and bitter and about two teens who sit next to each other on the school bus and fall in love. The reason I think it’s special is because it reminds me of how exaggerated everything feels at that age; how amazing the good things feel and how utterly devastating the bad things feel. It makes you remember all of your firsts; the first time someone looked at you and really ‘saw’ you, the first time someone held your hand, the first time someone kissed you and you felt it right down to your toes.

Image result for eleanor and park

Memorable lines:

“Holding Eleanor’s hand was like holding a butterfly. Or a heartbeat. Like holding something complete, and completely alive.”

“The me that’s me right now is yours. Always.”

The Fault in Our Stars by John Green

In my opinion, this book is worth the hype. Why? Because John Green managed to write a book about two teenagers who have cancer and he made the cancer feel secondary; an intimidating obstacle for sure, but always second to them, and to their friendship. Augustus Waters breathed life into Hazel and it was so so beautiful to read. I will never hear the word ‘okay’ in the same way again.

Image result for the fault in our stars

Memorable lines:

“Some people don’t understand the promises they’re making when they make them,” I said.

“Right, of course. But you keep the promise anyway. That’s what love is. Love is keeping the promise anyway.”

“But I will say this: When the scientists of the future show up at my house with robot eyes and they tell me to try them on, I will tell the scientists to screw off, because I do not want to see a world without him.”

It ends with Us by Coleen Hoover

Coleen Hoover is a Wonder Woman. I don’t think she has it in her to write a bad book but this one in particular, really got to me. It is about a woman who has experienced domestic violence in her childhood home and hated her mother for ‘allowing’ it. Fast forward a few years and she is the same position. It shows you just how easily these sorts of situations can develop and how, even if you’re strong, your limits can be eroded. What you might have thought was unacceptable a year ago can become palatable.

I loved this because it never felt simple and that is what made it real. Could you leave someone who was the best thing to every happen to you 99% of the time but also the worst 1% of the time?

Image result for it ends with us

Memorable line:

“Preventing your heart from forgiving someone you love is actually a hell of a lot harder than simply forgiving them.”

All the Bright Places by Jennifer Niven

This book killed me. It was like a burning dagger to my heart that turned me into a bawling mess crying into my blanket at 1am. And that’s saying something because I have never ever wept whilst reading before.

Theodore Finch isn’t like other people. In fact he isn’t like anyone else at all. He is apologetically himself  but he seems to feel everything. His mind races at 100mph and he is constantly struggling to keep up with his own thoughts to the point where it is overwhelming. From the first page you know that he wants to die, and he’s about to do it when he realises that Violet is also standing on the belltower for the same reason. For someone so set on dying, it hit me right in the feels that he was able to talk her down.

In the months that follow, Theo still wants to die but Violet gives him a reason every day not to. In return he loves her fiercely.

I usually shy away from books like these because I think some authors try too hard to evoke emotions but I thought this was different. The ending felt both inevitable and surprising. Both beautiful and tragic. Both necessary and pointless.

Image result for all the bright places

Memorable line:

“You have been in every way all that anyone could be.… If anybody could have saved me it would have been you.”

The above is actually an extract from Virginia Woolf’s suicide note which is one of the most bittersweet things I have ever read.

If I stay by Gayle Foreman

The premise of this story is deceptively simple; Mia loses her entire family in a car crash and she is hanging on by a thread in intensive care. She has one choice to make; should she follow her family or should she stay?

This is not one of those books which is like oh love conquers all, she has her grandparents and her friends and her boyfriend, of course she’ll stay. It is messy and it is honest and it is vulnerable. I really appreciated that it was not clear cut. The snippets of her life as she knew it versus her life in real time were interwoven so compellingly that it made Mia and her choice feel real.

Image result for if i stay book

Memorable passage:

“It’s okay,’ he tells me. ‘If you want to go. Everyone wants you to stay. I want you to stay more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life.’ His voice cracks with emotion. He stops, clears his throat, takes a breath, and continues. ‘But that’s what I want and I could see why it might not be what you want. So I just wanted to tell you that I understand if you go. It’s okay if you have to leave us. It’s okay if you want to stop fighting.’

Okay who is cutting onions god dammit?!

Over and Out!

Hello boys.

So I joined Minder – for those that don’t know what this is – it’s “Muslim Tinder”. Quite frankly that sounds like a paradox but I thought what the heck. Just like Tinder you take a peep at someone’s pics and bio and if they sound aight you swipe right. Otherwise you swipe left. If the other person also swipes right for you, then you can start a conversation. So that’s the mechanics… here’s what I have observed from my experience so far:

  • Is it Mind-er or Min-der? And if it’s Mind-er, that doesn’t rhyme with Tinder. This frustrates me.
  • Literally every guy says he goes to the gym and loves to travel… like every single one.
  • 90% of these guys say they are 6 foot or taller. Now I dunno if I’ve clicked something saying I only want tall guys (if I have, I desperately want to untick it) but surely everyone can’t be this tall.
  • I am such a bitch. I swipe left so much. I am a terrible human being.
  • I’ve got a type. The app stores the people you’ve had conversations with and if you put all my guy’s pictures together, they’re practically the same person. It would be embarrassing if it wasn’t so funny – but hey at least I know what I’m attracted to? Beards and swishy hair? God I am letting the female race down.
  • Things that will instantly make me swipe left: shirtless pictures, pictures of guys at the gym, shameless pictures of muscles, guys wearing really unbuttoned or low cut shirts, guys with earrings, guys doing shisha, guys wearing their trousers too low, guys taking pictures in bed
  • Okay not all of the muscle is bad. Some of these guys have nice arms.
  • Conversations are weird. I dunno what’s wrong with me – when I engage it’s like I’m actively trying to make them run away just to see who will stick around. Sarcasm abounds. One person said I had a “cute, nerdy look” and I said “is that a compliment or a veiled insult?”. I think he got scared.
  • Just because someone looks innocent does not mean they are innocent. One supposedly friendly looking guy asked for my thoughts on buttsex within the first 5 minutes. That promptly ended that conversation.
  • In case there was any doubt, guys are super interested in sex. Like I get it, it’s important, but there is MORE TO EXPLORE. I can’t even post some of the stuff I’ve been on the receiving end over the last few weeks but here’s a sample:
    • “If you were my wife, you wouldn’t be able to walk”
    • “Do you like choking?”
    • “Have you heard of Mia Khalifa?” <- If you don’t know who she is, for the love of god don’t Google her.
    • “I’m trying to imagine what kind of roleplay you’d be into”

THIS IS NOT OKAY. At all.

Over and Out!

 

 

100 things that encapsulated my 2016

I haven’t posted in months and months but I still wanted some way to remember this year so here goes:

  1. 67
  2. 1Million Dance Studios – Mina Young, Sori Na, Lia Kim, May Jay Lee
  3. A dose of cyanicism and realism
  4. Accounting… pensions accounting
  5. Andy Murray’s success
  6. Anna and the French Kiss: “I wish for the thing that is best for me.”
  7. Bailey Sok – the girl with more swag in her finger nail than I have in my entire body
  8. BATMAN Wifi
  9. Beyonce’s Lemonade – and absolutely shutting down the VMA’s with her world class performance
  10. Black Scholes formula
  11. Brexit
  12. British success at the Olympics
  13. Busting my knee at the traffic lights and nearly getting run over
  14. Candy Crush
  15. Dodgy Wrist
  16. Drarry – still my OTP
  17. Dubsmash
  18. Dyeing my hair and actually pulling it off
  19. Elementary… and liking it more than Sherlock ssshhh
  20. Eleanor and Park: “…and his eyes were so green they could turn carbon dioxide into oxygen.”
  21. Escape the room
  22. Facebook
  23. Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them: the awe of watching this at the IMAX
  24. Fear of being alone
  25. Fear of marriage
  26. Fear of settling
  27. Feedback and feedback on feedback
  28. Feeling sexy in gold heels
  29. Forgetting dates, like all the time.
  30. Getting fat, so fat that I can’t fit into some of my old clothes
  31. Goodreads and their reccomended reading lists
  32. Harry Potter and the Cursed Child
  33. Incidents on the Holborn escaltors
  34. Inheritance issues and family squabbling
  35. James’ and Quidditch
  36. Jersey Boys, The Four Seasons – watching it in Theatre
  37. JK’s boy drama
  38. Ju Ju on the beat
  39. LadyLuthien and Lilly
  40. Leicester City winning the Premier League
  41. ‘Lovely’ by Sarah Jessica Parker – my perfume of choice
  42. Magic Mike… in particular that one interview on Ellen…
  43. Malec – yes I’m talking about Magnus Bane and Alec Lightwood
  44. Marium’s birthday party… the best party I’ve ever been to ever
  45. Masters of Sex, the TV show, don’t get your panties in a twist
  46. Memes, so many memes
  47. Micrsoft Outlook – my lifeline
  48. My CA1 squad
  49. My favourite smart trousers from Next
  50. My Iphone 5C
  51. My Iphone headphones, all hail
  52. My new fan heater
  53. My WTW Squad
  54. New watch for my tiny wrist
  55. Old Flame
  56. Our Sky Q Box
  57. Plans that keep falling through
  58. Reigate Manor Hotel
  59. Rick Stein, my favourite cooking programme presenter
  60. Rihanna ANTI – my favourite album of the year
  61. Rihanna’s work work work work they say me haffi work work work work work
  62. Sean Lew – born to dance
  63. Seeing Beyonce live at Wembley – definitely one of the best experiences of my life
  64. Semi serious marriage proposals
  65. Shakira’s engagement
  66. Shambles 1, 2 and 3
  67. Shopping at Oasis – my new favourite shop
  68. SimCity Buildit
  69. Sleeping at 2am for no reason and regretting it terribly the next morning
  70. Speed Dating
  71. SUMIF
  72. Team KC
  73. That never-ending Flu
  74. That stupid day when I got stuck and Greenford and it took me 3 hours to get home and my phone died
  75. The 140 bus
  76. The Apprentice – well done Alana
  77. The Bake- Off, both the show and the annoying move to Channel 4
  78. The Central Line
  79. The continuation of Sumaliya
  80. The Daily Mail
  81. The Diana Memorial
  82. The end of Sumalium
  83. The Exam- Takers
  84. The Garage roof contruction
  85. The horror of becoming 24
  86. The jubilation of passing CA1
  87. The Khandashians
  88. The Nae Nae
  89. The Pink Zone
  90. The return of Gilmore Girls
  91. The SIAS Ball
  92. The soap opera that was the US election
  93. Twerking
  94. Vitamin tablets, iron tablets and an inhaler
  95. VLOOKUP
  96. Weatherspoons
  97. Winning over AW – took a lot of patience and time but so worth it
  98. Wooly hat and socks
  99. WTW Purple
  100. YouTube Playlists… in particular the WTW Playlist