So I like to listen to music at work; more specifically I have no filter with regards to what songs I listen to. In fact the more inappropriate the better. I dunno, I just seem to get a kick out it. It may look like I’m building a spreadsheet on the outside but actually I’m having a private party in my head screaming SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS.
This occasionally has adverse consequences. For example a few days ago someone approached me at my desk and I hastily took off my headphones but didn’t have time to mute. Unfortunately that was the exact moment Nicki Minaj ‘Only’ started to play. If you’re not familiar with the opening lines, let me enlighten you *ahem*
I never f*cked Wayne
I never f*cked Drake
All my life man – f*cks sake
If I did I’d ménage with them
And let them eat my a** like a cupcake
These are some inspired lyrics but probably not something I’d want my colleague to hear. I’m privately optimistic that he’s deaf.
So the guy I like asked me what I thought of his face. I could have said anything; I could have said that he has a very nice face, (what looks like) smooth skin and that he has a cheeky grin.
So many flattering comments I could have made…
Instead I said “if I squint and tilt my head and the lighting is just right, your face looks mildly okay”.
He replied “I hate you”.
I don’t know whether I deserve a round of applause or a slap.
So I took this whole week off work (much needed I assure you) because I felt like it. I was able to restart my blog, catch up on sleep, chill with the parents, watch movies, read fanfiction, sleep super late and stuff my face whenever I pleased. Unfortunately I have to go back to work tomorrow.
Don’t get me wrong. I like my job but that doesn’t mean I’m not gonna moan about going back…
It doesn’t help that I totally let myself go his week (and the few weeks before) and I kinda feel like I should look decent upon my return. Unfortunately getting myself into a decent state and actually sorting out my face is a longer process than you’d think. So long in fact that I need to mentally prepare myself beforehand.
I had to:
- Scrub every inch of my copper smelling body and dust filled hair (due to renovation work next door). I felt 10 kilos lighter after my bath/exorcism.
- Sort out my underarms. I look forward to be able to lift them freely.
- Wax off my moustache and sideburns.
- Shave my legs even though no one will see them.
- Use a facial scrub to remove the layer of grime on my face.
This takes hours and hours. How do some women look flawless 24 7?Where do they find the time? Where do they find the energy? Just how?!
So we recently took up the opportunity to buy the house directly next door to us. No one has lived in it for 20 years. Opening the door feels like opening a time capsule. The decor, the furniture, everything is so so old. It needs a lot of work; the whole thing is a mess. The roof needs fixing. The central heating needs updating. The God damn bath tub is made out of cast iron. And the garden is basically a network of homocidal stinging nettles.
This week we have focused on central heating. The way it was originally set up is actually illegal now because it is so inefficient. They didn’t even separate the supply from the return which is plumbing 101. Anyway this entire week I have been dashing from one house to the next fetching tools and keeping my poor dad hydrated and engergised. This means opening and closing the shoddy front door several times a day. This door is so dodgy and awkward that you have to kick it (hard) in just the right place or it won’t open. This evening however the door threw a strop and didn’t budge even after we nearly broke our legs smashing it. We were essentially locked out of our house.
What to do?
It’s pitch black outside but we need to get back in. We got a ladder and climbed onto the kitchen extension roof and walked across to next door. From here we had access to the bathroom window. But of course it was too small for my dad to get through.
Guess who had to pull her sorry arse ungracefully through this damn window in pitch darkness and land on friggin floorboard with nails poking out.
That’s right, me.
My butt hurts.
I would just like to share the fact that I accidentally sprayed eau de toilette on my underarms instead of deodorant because I am fail. On the plus side my underarms smell hella fine. On the downside I look like a weirdo sniffing my underarms.
A movie called Kill Your Darlings was recently brought to my attention; it’s about some poets breaking free of literary tradition. Not the kind of film I usually go for. I would have probably passed it by had it not starred Daniel Radcliffe. I watched the trailer and then it suddenly became glaringly obviously why Drarry fans everywhere were jumping up and down with excitement.
Dane Dehaan (you may know him as Harry Osbourne from ‘The Amazing Spiderman’) plays Lucien Carr, a blonde guy with bright blue eyes. I wouldn’t describe him as traditionally handsome but the character is magnetic and vulnerable in a way that makes everyone fall in love with him. He is basically the Draco Malfoy described in fandom. The fact that his name in the movie is Lucien which sounds so much like Lucius is not lost on me either.
He is perfect in this movie. He is addictive and challenging and open and closed all at once. ‘I knew you were trouble when you walked in’ should be his anthem.
And he has so much chemistry with Daniel Radcliffe. There are some incredibly tender moments, uncomfortable moments (one scene in particular has scarred me for life) and some scenes that had me reaching for ice water. Yes I’m talking about eye sex in the library. Hot damn.
So thank you Dane Dehaan for making my inner fangirl’s dreams come true!
This gif is very distracting.
Over and Out!
So I don’t know what made me think watching ‘The Impossible’ at night by myself was a good idea. What the hell is wrong with me?!
It’s based on a true story of a family that got separated during the tsunami of 2004. I’ve pretty much guaranteed myself nightmares of tidal waves and drowning. Which is why I’m awake. At 2am. Blogging.
I cried when they got separated, nearly threw up at the sight of so many body bags and cried harder when they all found each other.
Like yo film producers, can you stop making everything so damn realistic and yo mother nature, can you calm yo shit?
Let’s add this to the list of aeroplanes, earthquakes, tornadoes and various other disasters I’m terrified of.
If I ever decide to watch a movie about any sort of disaster ever again, can someone please stop me? Please.
*hides under blanket*