Welcome to the inside of my head.

Posts tagged ‘anger’

129. A day of coding…

…goes pretty much like this…

I’m going to be really productive today. I am refreshed and ready to tackle these questions. Bring it on!

im1

Just look at that positive attitude.

Let me just copy and paste the code that worked perfectly at home. Done. I think I’ll just run it to check everything is working…

It’s not working. Why isn’t it working?

im2

My computer hates me

Oh I forgot to install the packages at the start. Silly me. It should work now.

It’s still not working. I don’t understand why this is happening.

im4

EHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Crap now I’m going to have to run everything line by line to identify the problem.

Oh FFS I left out a bracket. Now everything is working.

FINALLY I can start. Oh crap is that the time?! I’m going to be late for my lecture.

im3

When will this be over?!

*sigh* another day of unproductive coding.

And that guys, is basically my life right now!

Over and Out!

P.S New background- good, bad or ugly?

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125. I hate it when someone asks you for advice and then they get angry because you were honest with them

I don’t get it- do you want my advice or do you just want me to agree with whatever you say? Like let me know- I can start neck exercises in preparation for all the nodding if that’s what you want. I thought it was in the friend job description to look out for your best interests and help you overcome your hurdles, even if one of those hurdles is you getting in your own way.

When my friend asked me if I recommended he study Mathematics at uni, I told him I thought he’d find it difficult and I suggested other subjects that were numerate but not quite so intense.  I think it was a fair comment because I know what a Maths degree entails having lived through three years of it already and I took care to tell him this kindly. However all he heard me saying was ‘no’ and accused me of not being supportive and preventing him from reaching his goals.

My opinion that Maths isn’t right for him ≠ My opinion that no subject is right for him

Why do people interpret things so negatively?

Surely I don’t deserve his anger for thinking there is a better alternative out there for him?

I don’t get it.

Over and Out.

62. This makes my blood boil.

So Aliya, you’re next! *wink*. Aliya, when are you getting hitched? Hey Aliya, have you thought about your wedding? You know what, I got asked all of these questions today and it’s not the first time. I keep getting asked these questions, particularly since I hit 21. It is just relentless.

Of course I want to get married, of course I want a family but I want to finish my degree first. Every time I say that, some of the aunties give me this look of disdain… oh you’re one of those ‘career minded’ women. They say it like it’s a dirty word. I’m sorry I actually want to use the education I worked so hard to get. I am sorry my ambition isn’t solely linked to finding a husband. Today an aunty said to me, haw you’re 21 and you can’t even make kheer (Indian dessert). Fine, it’s true. I can’t make kheer off the top of my head but I can prove S5 is an insoluble group and if I can do that, I sure as hell can follow a recipe and make some bloody kheer. Do you notice how the reverse argument doesn’t hold? Being able to make kheer doesn’t mean you can prove S5 is an insoluble group. But did I say that? No- because aunties get a free pass to be condescending but any retaliation from me makes me a ‘gustaak larki’ (ill mannered girl).

My mum is like the community agony aunt and being her daughter, I have heard all sorts of stuff about marriage problems and I have learnt a lot. I’mma speak some hard truths today because I am supremely pissed off. If you are a woman and you work, your marriage will be fairer. You know why? Because you put money on the table and guys might not respect you but they sure as hell respect money. There, I said it. If you don’t work, you can bet that when you go shopping, for every two things you put in the trolley, he will take one thing out and justify it with ‘but I pay the bills’. He won’t do that if you’re paying.

You know what aunties… I’mma get a real good job, buy a nice house and a nice car and if I want to buy new shoes, I’mma buy them because I can afford it.

Disclaimer: If this sounds like man hate, I apologise. If you are offended at my generalising, I apologise. I know there are exceptions to every rule but everything I’ve mentioned, I’ve observed firsthand. If you haven’t, then you’re very lucky.

Over and Out.

57. Expressing your anger

My dad isn’t speaking to my mum right now (don’t worry- this isn’t a sob story). Every now and again, my mum makes a comment perhaps a little sharper than she intended and my dad will take it personally. Today for example, my dad came home from work feeling chatty for some reason but my mum wasn’t in the mood to talk because she had just finished working with some really noisy kids. Dad took it badly.

When my dad gets offended, he gets all huffy and speaks minimally to the person he’s angry with. He also wears a very grumpy expression. The longest I’ve seen it last is about 5 days. As long as you’re not the person he’s peeved at, it’s actually quite funny because usually my dad is super mature but when he’s like this, he acts like a stubborn child. Say he’s angry at my mum and she offers him water, he’ll say no. If I offer him water however, he’ll say yes. Petty, I know.

Then you have my mother. Sometimes really tiny things set her off and when my mum gets angry, she unleashes her inner scary (and screechy) demon. She will rant and rave and won’t censor a damn thing. If she’s really pissed, she’ll revert to Punjabi and start swearing. That’s when you know the shit just got real.

What I find interesting is that I am a real mix of my parents. I have never shouted at anyone in anger in my life (though sometimes I wish I did) but nor do I simmer in silence. I have a habit of  giving the silent treatment and once I’ve calmed down a bit, I write down my angry feelings and give it to them. I realise this makes me sound like a nutcase but that’s just how I roll. I have always had great difficult verbally speaking about serious things. In essence, I write the things I can’t say.

In my memory, the only time I’ve lost it was when I was 8 years old and slapped a boy. He repeatedly kept throwing mud at me and the teachers told me to ignore him but that didn’t work so I complained to my mum and she said to hit him- so I did. The thing is I burst into tears straight afterwards because I felt so bad. (I slapped him well and proper though; even several hours later you could see my hand print on his face. My bad.)

What are you guys like when you’re angry? And what’s the craziest thing you’ve done in the heat of the moment?

(I don’t usually do this whole ask people questions thing. I’m kind of trying it out. Please don’t leave me hanging.)

Over and Out!

54. Things that annoy me

  1. When one shoe lace is tied tighter than the other.
  2. When the L and R on headphones are not adhered to.
  3. Being touched with moist/sweaty/ hot/wet hands. Actually, just don’t touch me.
  4. When subtitles are behind the actual speech or worse, subtitles are unavailable.
  5. When I’m in a public bathroom and I’m not alone and it’s pin drop silence so I can’t pee peacefully because I’m conscious of how much noise I’m making.
  6. When the home phone, my mobile AND the doorbell all ring at once. Seriously- this happens.
  7. When I need my glasses to you know, find my glasses.
  8. When I accidentally bite my tongue or the inside of my mouth while I’m eating. Such pain.
  9. When people don’t close the door behind them when leaving my room.
  10. TV epidoes that end with a cliffhanger and then announce there’s a season break and it won’t be back for like 3 months.
  11. Eating oranges, mangoes and other such fruit that get all sorts of stuff stuck between your teeth.
  12. Looking in the mirror before going out and thinking I look (extra) sexy only to realise I look like a pregnant elephant in all the photos.
  13. When I really like a song but don’t know who sang it or what it was called, nor did I catch enough lyrics to run a search in Google.
  14. People who don’t write their working out clearly when doing maths questions and those who don’t use the equals sign symbol correctly.
  15. When delivery costs are higher than the price of the item I ordered.
  16. The excessive and completely redundant use of hashtags on Facebook. If I see one more #YOLO or #SWAG, somebody gonna get hurt real bad.
  17. When TFL (Transport for London) tells me a tube line has severe delays so I change my journey only to find out the line was running fine. GET YO SHIT TOGETHER TFL.