Good God, seeing something steamy on TV when my parents are around is one of the most uncomfortable feelings ever.
Picture the scene: Two characters will be talking and to my horror I’ll realise they’re flirting and the sexual tension is building. Two seconds later they leap on other, snogging the living daylights out of one other and ripping off each other clothes.
Here’s what usually happens when I’m stuck in this situation:
Avoid all eye contact
Look anywhere…anywhere at all, besides the tv screen. This is the perfect time to start counting how many flowers are on my wallpaper (126).
Do something, anything, so that it looks like I’m distracted from the shenanigans on tv. I usually feign getting more ‘comfortable’, patting the cushions or twiddling my thumbs.
Check my phone
Lifesaver! Remember that text I got yesterday that I couldn’t be bothered to reply to- well now’s the perfect time to reply with an essay. Check Facebook. Scroll through my photos. Change my ringtone settings- it doesn’t matter that my phone is always on silent. Just look busy.
Take a loo break
If I’ve seen the movie before and anticipate a steamy scene, I will just dash upstairs and have a pee. If my bladder’s empty, I’ll simply wash my hands and contemplate life or something.
I did this one time and I went downstairs feeling smug that I’d just escaped an awkward situation only to realise that my dad had pressed pause so I didn’t miss anything. Epic fail.
Head for the fridge
Fill the awkwardness with food. One time I searched the fridge but there was nothing decent to snack on. I didn’t want to come back empty handed so I took a tomato.
Awkward fast forwarding
If the show’s recorded, the natural thing to do is to fast forward. This is an awful time to lose the remote (I’m still scarred from that incident). The bad thing about fast forwarding is that you still ‘see’ everything…just very quickly.
Change the channel
If it’s not recorded, someone will usually change the channel and I’ll pretend to be really engrossed about some documentary about.. something. There have been a few times when my dad’s changed the channel and then changed back (often more than once) but they’re still ‘at it’. Cringe.
The worst time was when my dad changed channels to a programme that was also in the middle of a steamy moment. I could have cried.
Over and Out!