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Posts tagged ‘beauty’

Sorting Out My Face 

So I took this whole week off work (much needed I assure you) because I felt like it. I was able to restart my blog, catch up on sleep, chill with the parents, watch movies, read fanfiction, sleep super late and stuff my face whenever I pleased. Unfortunately I have to go back to work tomorrow. 

Don’t get me wrong. I like my job but that doesn’t mean I’m not gonna moan about going back…

It doesn’t help that I totally let myself go his week (and the few weeks before) and I kinda feel like I should look decent upon my return. Unfortunately getting myself into a decent state and actually sorting out my face is a longer process than you’d think. So long in fact that I need to mentally prepare myself beforehand.

I had to:

  1. Scrub every inch of my copper smelling body and dust filled hair (due to renovation work next door). I felt 10 kilos lighter  after my bath/exorcism. 
  2. Sort out my underarms. I look forward to be able to lift them freely. 
  3. Wax off my moustache and sideburns. 
  4. Shave my legs even though no one will see them. 
  5. Use a facial scrub to remove the layer of grime on my face. 

This takes hours and hours. How do some women look flawless 24 7?Where do they find the time? Where do they find the energy? Just how?!

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122. Makeover. Photoshoot. Why am I doing this?

Sometime during my internship, Shakira and I bumped into a random person outside the station selling a makeover day and I don’t know if it was the weather or I had a long day at work but we ended up buying it. We booked it for two months time and didn’t really think about it until a few days ago when we had to start preparing.

This morning when I woke up, my first thought was WHY AM I DOING THIS? I don’t know the first thing about hair and beauty. My beauty essentials are moisturising cream and eye pencil. I still haven’t figured out how to utilise liquid eyeliner. I rarely paint my nails because they’re usually half bitten. Basically I’m a disgrace to the beauty community.

However I thought: fuck it. It’ll be an experience, good or bad, at least it’ll be interesting.

As part of the day, they gave us a manicure (lol), an aromatherapy hand massage, styled our hair and gave us a full blown makeover. After that there was the photoshoot… which was the part that I was worried about. My mental commentary was something along the lines of:

How do I stand? What do I do with my hands? How do I smile? Should I pout? Can I even pout? *commence awkward fish faces in the mirror* argh Argh ARGH.

However I need not have worried. The photographer clearly knew what he was doing. He told us exactly where to sit, where to look, where to put our hands. All of this he did very quickly so I just felt like I was following instructions. Head here. Face up. Chin down. I can do this.

It turned out to be a really fun day. Definitely worth the experience.

So yeah. This is my face. 

26091301 SUMAIRA & ALIYA 012

Thanks Photoshop.

I hope this doesn’t turn into my Rishta (pre-wedding) photo. Because they will be hella disappointed when they see me in reality.

Over and Out!

104. Excuse my French but I’m in France

I’M JUST SAYIN’

This is what I should have posted several days ago but better late than never eh. So as I’ve banged on and on about, I went to Paris this weekend for my cousin’s wedding. SO much happened even within a short amount of time but these were some of the high/low lights:

Travelling
The train station was an hour and a half away from the house we were staying at and the house was another hour away from the venue. Who came up with this fabulous planning?- I don’t know- but my god did we do a lot of driving. It was really annoying too because it was so hot in the car that our make up was melting.

The House
I have family all of the world, literally at least one representative from every continent attended this wedding and we were ALL, yes ALL, housed in this one place. It was absolutely stunning, a huge paradise in the middle of nowhere but it still only had 5 bedrooms and there were 31 of us. Yeah you can imagine that not many of us slept on beds. What’s worse was that there were only 3 bathrooms so goodbye privacy. People were hiding behind beds and doors when they were changing but eventually we all just gave up. Trust me when I say that I have seen enough aunty’s stomachs for a lifetime.

Drama
If you know anything about asian weddings, you know that they can’t happen without some drama. This occasion was no exception. My Khala aka. my mum’s sister and bride’s mother is a very emotional person and when the Nikkah (the closest to vows Muslims get) finished, she promptly passed out and I was the idiot who had to run to the guy’s section and get help. Then the crying commenced. It was like a chain reaction. The bride started weeping, and then her sister started which set my mum off and next thing I know my own eyes were wet.

The Rush
There were three events in two days and I was there for two nights. Everything was rushed. As soon as I arrived (literally as soon as I got my foot in the door), I was told to get ready and change my clothes but I was knackered and couldn’t be asked so I just stayed in my jeans. I eventually got the energy to change for the second event but I wore no make up. I sorted things out for the third though.
For the journey home, I caught a very early train back to London and because of the timings and distance from the venue, I actually didn’t sleep for 26 hours. It’s always been on my list of things to do before I die to pull an all nighter but I never thought it would be under those circumstances…

Language Problems
There were many. I speak English, understand Urdu but speak it to a below average standard whereas the rest of them are fluent in French and speak better Urdu than me. Basically there were three languages flying around the whole time and it got hella confusing.

Heels
I fucking hate heels. I wore them for two days straight and it murdered my feet. I genuinely limped home. Don’t do it!

Dancing
In case you don’t know, I love to dance… in private. I’m absolutely terrible but I enjoy practising my balle balle and Beyonce booty shake… in private…because you know I’m brown and dancing unashamedly would ruin my reputation. Now at any other wedding I would never be expected to dance. Come a family member’s wedding however and suddenly my mum is actively telling me to join in. Great! I’m sorry but I am not a closet professional dancer. Let me eat my biryani in peace.

I know this all sounds like a huge rant but it was a wonderful experience really. My cousin looked beautiful (though she won’t let me put up any pics of her yet -_-) and it was amazing to be part of such a Punjabi energetic wedding.

Without further ado, here are some pictures. More may be added later.

Over and Out!

Note: If you live under a rock and don’t understand the title and first line, it’s from ‘Ninjas’ in Paris.

99. Anti-Pervert Hairy Leggings…what the…

Disclaimer: these aren’t my legs.

Hairy leggings…or contraceptive fashion as they’re calling it. Apparently they’re all the rage in China!

They’re being sold as “Super sexy, summertime anti-pervert full-leg-of-hair stockings, essential for all young girls going out”.  

Hold up just a second.

Super sexy; unless hairiness is your ‘thing’, I think we can safely agree this is more repellent than sexy.

Anti-pervert, essential for all young girls; just how bad are Chinese men that these sorts of measures need to be resorted to? If they are that bad, surely that’s the bigger issue here?

I’m not even sure if it will keep men at bay. The first time I saw it, I was very much wtf but more so than that, I was curious. Is it real hair? What does it feel like? Do they come in different hair colours? The guys will probably want to come and stroke them.

I just have so many questions about this.

Who came up with this?

Who actually thought ‘yes this is what women need’… I’m going to go get it manufactured and I’m going to get it made with really coarse dark hair.

Who actually bought it?!

I would be mortified walking around like that. These girls must have balls.
Also the people buying this must be fairly fashion conscious. Clearly they want to wear short dresses…how exactly do these leggings look good with that?

Is it really necessary?

Come on. If you don’t want male attention, just put on trousers like the rest of us do when our legs become socially unacceptable.
If it’s hot, why not wear a floaty skirt or a maxi dress? There are so many other options.
If you truly believe this is the best way, why not just go natural and stop shaving?

What’s next? A gorilla suit?…

Over and Out!

P.S Ibtehaal, have you seen anyone wearing these?

96. Neck pain, aching feet, stiff arms….yup sounds like a good day of SHOPPING!

My cousin who is about to get married came to visit to buy all her accessories and decorations. First of all I’ve gotto tell you IT IS SO MUCH FUN SHOPPING WITH A BRIDE.

We only had 2 days to buy everything so we had to be fast! Of course we went to Southall ie. Mini India in England. I got to go all the fancy shops and actually buy stuff instead of just walking around dreaming and contemplating my future (with excitement but also a heavy dose of fear). Everyone was super willing to help because they knew we had big moneys to spend. Additionally Southall is one of the few places in England where you can ‘negotiate on the price’ and I swear my mum is a force of nature when it comes to bargaining. She is FIERCE! The vendors might come up with a figure of £120 and she’ll just dive in and say NO £60. Like I would be too embarrassed to even start that low… She’s clearly not though and to her credit, she’ll walk away probably paying £80 because she is BOSS.

My friends will know that I like all things shiny but my cousin really puts me to shame. She loves her bling! She wants to wear the biggest, shiniest, brightest jewellery possible. She picked out what I thought were HUGE earrings and dismissed them casually… ‘nope not big enough’. Like woah sister! Are you still hoping to have ears after this?

If she could have this, she probably would… It’s wayyyyy too much in my opinion but each to their own…

She also bought 5 inch heels. I made the mistake of trying them on and I seriously could not walk; the best I could do was an awkward shuffle and even wearing them for under a minute killed my feet. She on the other hand was strutting like a model, no problem. Talking of shoes…

Me no like

So many of the heels I saw were poor excuses for shoes. There was literally just a small strip that was supposed to hold your foot in place. I tried one of them on and my feet felt naked. Why would anyone want so much of their feet on show?! Feet aren’t even pretty. Also I don’t know why but wearing them made me feel like a stripper. I almost expected people to start throwing money. Maybe it was the clear heels I dunno. All I know is, never again.

 

 

My cousin was also very excited to buy some parandas which are things you plait into your hair. It’s essentially a decorative piece that some brides like to wear on their Mehndi. Ooh we also got her chooriya which are bangles. We went to this guy who specialises in this sorta stuff and showed him what colours she was going to wear; he rummaged around in the back for a while and came back with a lovely bangle set that was spot on in terms of colour combinations. It was expensive though!

Bangles bangles everywhere

This is what parandas look like

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This shopping trip was also a chance for me and my mum to look around and buy something for ourselves to wear. I saw this stunning blue dress thing that had lots of shiny stuff around the neck and they let me try it on. Guys, I looked good…my first thought was wow I look like a Middle Eastern princess. If I wore that to a wedding and didn’t come back with at least three marriage proposals, I would be disappointed. That was how good I looked. Howeverrr I was in danger of upstaging the bride and it was rather expensive so I didn’t buy it. In fact I didn’t buy anything which means I need to go to Southall… again!

Car Shambles

I also need to tell you guys about our car.

My dad was dropping us all off at Southall; he pulled out the driveway and drove a little way down the road when I started hearing this funny sound from the right hand side. I told my dad to stop and as soon as we got out of the car, we noticed that the back tyre was flat. Great start!

My dad keeps all sorts of tools and equipment in the car boot so we had everything we needed to change the tyre. I was in charge of jacking the car up (manually by the way- took bloody ages). My mum and my cousin were very helpfully still sitting in the car- thanks a lot for making this harder. Me and my dad undid the nuts and lugged the spare tyre out, replaced the tyre, redid the nuts…only to realise that it didn’t have enough air in it. Yup our replacement tyre was also flat! Wonderful! We had a (manual) foot pump in the car so again it was me standing there like an idiot pretty much jumping up and down to get air in the tyre. However I was failing epicly… because the foot pump had a crack and air was escaping. Eventually we borrowed an electronic air pump and got it all sorted out but my God, anything that could of have gone wrong DID go wrong….

Just another day in the life of Aliya.

Over and Out!

 

84. And the award for best customer service goes to….

I did not realise getting my hair cut would be so much effort…

My Mum has been going on and on about the state of my hair. You look like a ‘jungli’ she said. Long hair doesn’t suit round faces she said.  Go get it cut Aliya. I finally caved and agreed to get it done today.

We have a hairdresser’s down the end of our road. It’s about a 5-10 minute walk away and it’s owned by an Indian lady. You already know this story is going to be hilarious. Now this shop isn’t just a hairdressers, it’s a beauty parlour too which means there’s always someone on the side getting their eyebrows threaded or their moustache waxed. I walked in (trying to ignore the women wincing on the side) and asked if I could get a haircut. Before you ask why I didn’t book an appointment, I will highlight that this place is owned by brown people. If I requested an appointment, they’d probably just look at me blankly. I was informed that their one hairdresser wasn’t there at the moment but that she could be there in half an hour. I said fine, and went home resolving to come back in half an hour. As I was about to leave, the lady asked me if I wanted my eyebrows done. I said ‘no thanks’.

I went home and watched the first half of a House episode before making my way back to the hairdressers. This time I was told to take a seat. I noticed a lady come in to get her eyebrows done and for some unknown reason, she had her teenage son (about 13/14 years old) with her who looked like he’d prefer to bury a hole and die in it than be at a beauty parlour full of women. Meanwhile I was stuck watching some God awful Indian drama to pass the time. After waiting for 15 minutes and the hairdresser still being a no-show,  I was informed that she thought I wouldn’t be coming back (how did she come to that conclusion) so she didn’t leave home and could I come back at 7pm?

I am quite a reasonable person most of the time but I was pretty peeved to hear that. Despite this, I agreed to come back at 7. As I was about to step out, the lady asked again if I wanted my eyebrows done. NO! What made you think I changed my mind in under an hour?! Leave my eyebrows ALONE.

Finally I went back at 7pm- this being my third visit to the shop… and the hairdresser was still not there. Thankfully she turned up in 10 minutes and then spent under 5 minutes actually cutting my hair. I think these guys need a customer service award.

So there you have it. My locks have been cut off. Even if it was a huge headache, at least my Mum is happy… and I got some exercise.

In order news, my head has been hurting me for a while and I assumed it was because I was tying my hair too tight. Turns out I actually have a bump. I have no recollection of ever hitting my head. This concerns me.

[Edit]

aliyahaircut

To be honest for under 5 minutes, I think it came out okay.

37. My Beef With Fake Nails

Girls, I know you want your hands to look pretty. I can understand that. Feel free to paint them any colour of the rainbow if you wish but what is this obsession of attaching plastic claws to perfectly nice nails?! For one they look really tacky. Shocking pink nails with shiny studs scream CHAV louder than an adidas tracksuit. On top of that, they are actually really impractical. I had fake nails temporarily over the summer as a method to stop biting my nails and I couldn’t hack it. Within 2 days I had ripped them off and vowed never to try them again. (It probably didn’t help that I’m used to having teeny tiny nails.) Some of the problems I had were the following:

1. You can’t bloody text or type. Well I couldn’t anyway. The claws just got in the way. I was having to press down on the keys with the plastic instead of my fingertips. I don’t know how working women manage it. Aliya minus texting and typing makes for a VERY grumpy Aliya (/cat).

2. I couldn’t even eat. I’m brown so I eat roti pretty much everyday and that means eating with your hands. It is unbelieveably difficult with fake nails and even if you manage to get a scrap of roti, dipping your claws into curry is kinda gross and getting them cury stained doesn’t look great either.

3. You don’t realise just how much you touch your face until you get fake nails. Scratching your face feels like having your face sandpapered. Within 2 days, I looked like I had been attacked by a savage animal.

4. It is genuinely a mission to pick things up from a flat surface. Heaven forbid trying to pick up a penny. I would be there for a good 10 seconds moving the item around until I got some sort of grip on it. The aim would be to get the nail UNDER the item and then hold it firmly.

5. Last but not least, they made my hands look weird.

My hands actually looks alien to me. Don't ask what happened to the forefinger because I don't know either...

They actually look alien to me. Don’t ask what happened to the forefinger because I don’t know either…

Moral of the story…don’t do it! Get a manicure or just grow them naturally. Natural and clean looks best!