Welcome to the inside of my head.

Posts tagged ‘Emotion’

146. Heighten your reading experience

My two favourite art forms are music and literature. Both have the liberating ability of evoking emotion and transporting you to somewhere new. What’s even better I find, is combining the two.

I’m not sure how many people do this but I really enjoy having a song on repeat whilst reading. Obviously the choice of song here is important. ‘Barbie Girl’ would not be the right accompaniment to Harry Potter, say. But every so often you find a song just … clicks.

Recently I finished reading the whole Divergent series. 3 books, 3 days, standard. All the while I had this gem of a song playing in the background. It’s a cover of the 80s classic ‘Everybody wants to rule the world’ and I think it’s perfect and heartbreaking. I also think it’s appropriate for lots of stories. The Hunger Games and Monsters of Men certainly springs to mind.

Anyway hearing this song now is like a portal. It takes me straight back to the world of Divergent. I find it fascinating how our brains can associate something so strongly with music.

 

P.S It shocks me how many people don’t know how to play a YouTube video on repeat so I’ll share it here.

Say you have a YouTube video with URL:

All you need to do is replace the youtube bit with ‘listenonrepeat’ as follows:

https://www.listenonrepeat.com/watch/?v=HEskmwV1pMU

Tadaaa!

Over and Out!

 

 

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134. Emotionally Single

Literally me from the age of 14 to 20. Embarrassing? Absolutely. But there is something about talking to your crush that is both exciting and frustrating; it’s a mix between the anxiety from over analysing everything they’re saying (oh my god they said ‘heyyy’ instead of ‘hey’… success!) and joy that they’re even responding.

Yes I am that psychotic girl who hides behind her keyboard. I am like 500 million times funnier and more interesting online because I feel #like a boss and fear nothing. In person in any kind of vaguely non-platonic situation I’m either silent or chatting absolute bollocks. I am fail.

This video got me thinking though…I haven’t had a crush on anyone non-fictional/ non celebrity for a while now… and it’s a bit a rarity for me (I don’t crush on loads of people, just a few people but for extended periods of time). It feels weird.

I’m not thinking about anyone else. I’m not wondering what they’re doing. I’m making even less of an effort when it comes to what I look like (didn’t think it was possible). That last one’s quite bad. I shouldn’t have to fancy someone to put in some time to distinguish myself as a woman.

What all this does means however is that I now have a lot more free time (good thing too because I have so much damn work). Who knew pining was so time consuming?

Secretly though, I think I miss it. Sure it was emotionally draining and it felt like my hormones were flying all over the place but something small like my crush starting a conversation could make my day and make me feel warm and fuzzy inside. Now something really special has to happen to make my day. Even academic success doesn’t cut it anymore.

The worst thing about all of this is the timing. This is not the optimum time to be emotionally single especially when my mother is saying things like ‘you need to find a man’ as if I can just order one I like online. It is not easy and I don’t have time to get my flirt on. I’m not even sure I remember how to get my flirt on.

Ehhh I feel like a younger, brown version of Bridget Jones.

Over and Out!

57. Expressing your anger

My dad isn’t speaking to my mum right now (don’t worry- this isn’t a sob story). Every now and again, my mum makes a comment perhaps a little sharper than she intended and my dad will take it personally. Today for example, my dad came home from work feeling chatty for some reason but my mum wasn’t in the mood to talk because she had just finished working with some really noisy kids. Dad took it badly.

When my dad gets offended, he gets all huffy and speaks minimally to the person he’s angry with. He also wears a very grumpy expression. The longest I’ve seen it last is about 5 days. As long as you’re not the person he’s peeved at, it’s actually quite funny because usually my dad is super mature but when he’s like this, he acts like a stubborn child. Say he’s angry at my mum and she offers him water, he’ll say no. If I offer him water however, he’ll say yes. Petty, I know.

Then you have my mother. Sometimes really tiny things set her off and when my mum gets angry, she unleashes her inner scary (and screechy) demon. She will rant and rave and won’t censor a damn thing. If she’s really pissed, she’ll revert to Punjabi and start swearing. That’s when you know the shit just got real.

What I find interesting is that I am a real mix of my parents. I have never shouted at anyone in anger in my life (though sometimes I wish I did) but nor do I simmer in silence. I have a habit of  giving the silent treatment and once I’ve calmed down a bit, I write down my angry feelings and give it to them. I realise this makes me sound like a nutcase but that’s just how I roll. I have always had great difficult verbally speaking about serious things. In essence, I write the things I can’t say.

In my memory, the only time I’ve lost it was when I was 8 years old and slapped a boy. He repeatedly kept throwing mud at me and the teachers told me to ignore him but that didn’t work so I complained to my mum and she said to hit him- so I did. The thing is I burst into tears straight afterwards because I felt so bad. (I slapped him well and proper though; even several hours later you could see my hand print on his face. My bad.)

What are you guys like when you’re angry? And what’s the craziest thing you’ve done in the heat of the moment?

(I don’t usually do this whole ask people questions thing. I’m kind of trying it out. Please don’t leave me hanging.)

Over and Out!