Welcome to the inside of my head.

Posts tagged ‘expectations’

140. What I tell myself v. What actually happens

What I tell myself: I’ll just have a quick nap. I’ll be so alert and energised afterwards.
What actually happens: Omg it’s tomorrow.

What I tell myself: I’ll start working at 7.30.
What actually happens: Oh look it’s 7.31, better start at 8.00 now.

What I tell myself: Oh god I’m so full- I cannot eat another bite.
What actually happens: Oooh ice cream! I got room for that.

What I tell myself: I’m going to try all of these questions without looking at the answers. The struggle is part of the question.
What actually happens: Fuck it where are those solutions? Ain’t nobody got time fo’ this.

What I tell myself: Omg he’s a douchebag- I’m never speaking to him again.
What actually happens: Hmm it’s been an hour. Maybe I should say sorry.

What I tell myself: I am going to do lots of revision today.
What actually happens: Hole punching my notes and neatly putting them into a folder counts as revision right?

What I tell myself: Ehhh I don’t want to have a bath.
What actually happens: I am a dolphin. I am a mermaid. I’m never leaving this tub.

What I tell myself: I shall read sophisticated books to improve my vocabulary.
What actually happens: Where’s my copy of 50 shades of Grey?

What I tell myself: Now that I’ve bought new kitchen utensils and oven equipment I will become a domestic goddess.
What actually happens: *eats Cornflakes for dinner*

What I tell myself: I need to lose weight- right! Time to do 50 sit ups.
What actually happens: *does 20* Good God, I can’t move.

What I tell myself: Saving a document? I’ll save it as ‘shizzle24’. It is both descriptive and I’ll remember exactly what it is in future.
What actually happens: *in the future* God dammit why do I have 36 files called shizzle.

What I tell myself: I’ll just watch the first episode of this series to decide if I like it.
What actually happens: What do you mean there are no more episodes to watch?! I’ve only watched 3 seasons in 3 days.

What I tell myself: I should really sort out my underarms.
What actually happens: Hmm forgot to do my underarms. I’ll just get through the day avoiding lifting my arms at all cost.

What I tell myself: I’m going to get up 10 minutes earlier so that I don’t have to rush.
What actually happens: Leaves 5 minutes late.

What I tell myself: I’m going to make an effort to look presentable and female.
What actually happens: Unflattering jeans and hoodie it is.

Over and Out!

85. Trust your instincts.

Everyone’s been told at one point in their life to ‘listen to your heart’. Seriously over-rated. It ought to be changed to ‘consult your heart’. I think of the heart as this beating embodiment of optimism and the home of all hope, however irrational. On the other side, we have the brain…sensible, rational, cool, borderline pessimistic.

For example, deep down in my heart of hearts I am a soppy romantic idiot who is waiting for something magical to happen to her. On the flip side we have my brain which acknowledges that life is no fairytale and it also told me to put ‘idiot’ next to romantic in the last sentence.

Listening to too much of either will get you into trouble. Listen to your heart all the time and you will suffer a string of disappointments. Listen to your brain all the time and you’ll find your life becoming incredibly lack lustre and and boring. You need a happy compromise and for me, that compromise is my instinct…that feeling I get in my gut.

I think instinct is very special… though a complete mystery. It’s as if we’ve been given something that consults both our heart and our brain and screams a decision… the Judge Judy of our bodies. Obviously it’s not right all the time but I’ve trusted it for big decisions such as my degree choice and my secondary school choice, but also for things in everyday life like deciding when to have a difficult conversation or taking a gamble with my feelings.

Today my instincts surpassed even my wildest expectations. I made some impossible deductions and my gut was actually screaming ‘You’re right. You’re right. For God’s sake you’re right. Ask and get it confirmed’.

‘Lo and behold, I was right.

Over and Out!