Welcome to the inside of my head.

Posts tagged ‘Facebook’

115. 20 things I wish I knew before I started my internship

1. Keep a pen and notepad with you at all times. You never know when someone will give you something to do.

2. If you’re stuck on something, give it a decent attempt. If you’re still struggling, note down your questions precisely as well as what you’ve already tried so you don’t have to keep pestering people.

3. Note down the names of people you’ve met eg Harry Potter and a memorable trait eg. lightning bolt scar. You don’t want to go through the awkward ‘erm what’s your name again’ conversation.

4. Respond to emails quickly. Often people are waiting for your response before they can move forward. Don’t keep them waiting too long.

5. Put your email sign off eg. Kind regards in your email signature. You will get tired of typing it.

6. Constantly inform people what you are doing. They like reassurance that you haven’t forgotten about their work. In fact you shouldn’t be alarmed if you spend more time informing people of this than actually working.

7. Always make a note of where you found any facts and figures. You will cry if they ask you to find it later and you’ve forgotten.

8. Implement checks in your work wherever possible. This will prevent follow through mistakes which are annoying to fix.

9. Say ‘yes’ to any work given to as long as you have enough time to do it… and even if you don’t. You’ll be surprised how much you can reshuffle to make time.

10. Make a comprehensive list of your tasks and how long you think they’ll take. But also keep a Post-It of immediate tasks in your direct eye line so you are constantly aware of what needs to be done.

11. People care a lot about the appearance of documents so make it look pretty. I got commended in my final review for adjusting the line spacing so that everything fit neatly onto one page.  Such a minor detail and it got noticed. Thank you OCD.

12. Ask people questions. It makes them feel knowledgeable so do so even if you know the answer. If you’re feeling brave, subtly mention the answer and they’ll think you’re clever.

13. Facebook stalk other people in the office and find out what they’re interested in. You’ll find it easier to talk to them.

14. If you can think of a better way of doing something, discuss it with the person who gave you the job. DON’T just jump into it. Some people are surprisingly touchy if you drift even a little from their instructions.

15. Wherever possible, get feedback on any work you’ve done. It’s a good way to learn and get more work as well building a rapport through the correspondence.

16. If you have the option to speak to someone rather than email them about something important, speak to them. Things are far less ambiguous when you talk directly.

17. Take regular breaks and stretch your legs. It’s good for your concentration. This doesn’t mean you’re wasting your time. Do the coffee round or plan your lunch and meetings in such a way that you’re not at your desk for hours and hours.

18. Food is the best way to butter up your colleagues. Cake always goes down a treat, especially if it’s homemade.

19. Do not let people get away with giving vague instructions. Pester them if you have to. It will save you a lot of time in the long run.

20. It’s always better to ask for help than to struggle in vain.

Over and Out!

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66. I think my discomfort-meter just peaked.

lucaspeytontruelovealways

Good God, seeing something steamy on TV when my parents are around is one of the most uncomfortable feelings ever.

Picture the scene: Two characters will be talking and to my horror I’ll realise they’re flirting and the sexual tension is building. Two seconds later they leap on other, snogging the living daylights out of one other and ripping off each other clothes.

Here’s what usually happens when I’m stuck in this situation:

Avoid all eye contact
Look anywhere…anywhere at all, besides the tv screen. This is the perfect time to start counting how many flowers are on my wallpaper (126).

Fidget 
Do something, anything, so that it looks like I’m distracted from the shenanigans on tv. I usually feign getting more ‘comfortable’, patting the cushions or twiddling my thumbs.

Check my phone
Lifesaver! Remember that text I got yesterday that I couldn’t be bothered to reply to- well now’s the perfect time to reply with an essay. Check Facebook. Scroll through my photos. Change my ringtone settings- it doesn’t matter that my phone is always on silent. Just look busy.

Take a loo break
If I’ve seen the movie before and anticipate a steamy scene, I will just dash upstairs and have a pee. If my bladder’s empty, I’ll simply wash my hands and contemplate life or something.
I did this one time and I went downstairs feeling smug that I’d just escaped an awkward situation only to realise that my dad had pressed pause so I didn’t miss anything. Epic fail.

Head for the fridge
Fill the awkwardness with food. One time I searched the fridge but there was nothing decent to snack on. I didn’t want to come back empty handed so I took a tomato.

Awkward fast forwarding
If the show’s recorded, the natural thing to do is to fast forward. This is an awful time to lose the remote (I’m still scarred from that incident). The bad thing about fast forwarding is that you still ‘see’ everything…just very quickly.

Change the channel
If it’s not recorded, someone will usually change the channel and I’ll pretend to be really engrossed about some documentary about.. something. There have been a few times when my dad’s changed the channel and then changed back (often more than once) but they’re still ‘at it’. Cringe.
The worst time was when my dad changed channels to a programme that was also in the middle of a steamy moment. I could have cried.

Over and Out!

54. Things that annoy me

  1. When one shoe lace is tied tighter than the other.
  2. When the L and R on headphones are not adhered to.
  3. Being touched with moist/sweaty/ hot/wet hands. Actually, just don’t touch me.
  4. When subtitles are behind the actual speech or worse, subtitles are unavailable.
  5. When I’m in a public bathroom and I’m not alone and it’s pin drop silence so I can’t pee peacefully because I’m conscious of how much noise I’m making.
  6. When the home phone, my mobile AND the doorbell all ring at once. Seriously- this happens.
  7. When I need my glasses to you know, find my glasses.
  8. When I accidentally bite my tongue or the inside of my mouth while I’m eating. Such pain.
  9. When people don’t close the door behind them when leaving my room.
  10. TV epidoes that end with a cliffhanger and then announce there’s a season break and it won’t be back for like 3 months.
  11. Eating oranges, mangoes and other such fruit that get all sorts of stuff stuck between your teeth.
  12. Looking in the mirror before going out and thinking I look (extra) sexy only to realise I look like a pregnant elephant in all the photos.
  13. When I really like a song but don’t know who sang it or what it was called, nor did I catch enough lyrics to run a search in Google.
  14. People who don’t write their working out clearly when doing maths questions and those who don’t use the equals sign symbol correctly.
  15. When delivery costs are higher than the price of the item I ordered.
  16. The excessive and completely redundant use of hashtags on Facebook. If I see one more #YOLO or #SWAG, somebody gonna get hurt real bad.
  17. When TFL (Transport for London) tells me a tube line has severe delays so I change my journey only to find out the line was running fine. GET YO SHIT TOGETHER TFL.

38. Are you one of these types of Facebookers?

Scrolling through my Facebook News Feed today, I couldn’t help but realise how much I could categorise the posts. About 80% is the same recycled rubbish every day. Sometimes I wonder why I bother. I guess that potential 20% keeps me coming back. Oh and I need help remembering birthdays.

So without further ado, I give you my types of Facebookers (Note this is entirely based on my own news feed… )

The Gym Rat

This person is always going to the gym and to prove it, they post on Facebook before and after a workout. They then follow this up with things like ‘NO GAIN WITHOUT PAIN’, several pics of their ‘ripped’ bodies, their love of protein shakes and how much their muscles ache after their intense exercising.

English: Heeeeeeeeench.

Would you like some chest with those abs? (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It’s Complicated

This person is always going through emotional turmoil. They met someone 2 days ago and now they’re in love. It’s always ‘different’ this time… except it’s not because very soon they’re out of love and posting hate lyrics in their statuses about one another. It’s always in statuses too…never in a private message. They just have to post something really cryptic like ‘I hate you bitch’ for the whole world to see. Talk about airing your dirty laundry.

102.

This is why you should invest in waterproof mascara. (Photo credit: Zoë Campbell)

Vanity Queen

This person is a girl 99% of the time. She will dedicate entire albums to pictures of herself in the bathroom with 360 pictures of herself standing in one position, tilting her face 1 degree at a time. Or she might have slapped on all her makeup and call it her ‘natural’ look. Or she’ll post a picture of herself wearing a skimpy top and caption it with ‘it’s all about my new hair cuttt!’. Sure because everyone’s looking at your hair right?

(Photo Credit: Shutterstock)

The Serial Updater

This person updates their status about a dozen times a day.
I just woke up. I took a shit. I went to school. I just ate. I’m going to bed.

Rinse lather repeat.

The Party Animal

This person is always clubbing or partying, drinking themselves stupid and then posting lots and lots of pictures of their ‘messy’ night. They’ll normally post something like ‘Ayyy Pissheads!’, ‘just chundered everywhere lol’ or my personal favourite ‘I’m never drinking again’.

drunk_guy_at_reading01

(Photo credit: gusset)

The Loved Up Couple

Oh god, these people normally have matching profile pictures and they tag each other in just about every post. They confess their love for one another wherever possible. I’m really pleased for these people- I’m happy they’re happy but surely it’s more romantic and intimate saying these things in person or I dunno, in private? Just a thought.

I'm in Love

(Photo credit: ladytimeless)

Changed my life Bro

This person is always posting motivational speeches and inspiring messages. I was so sad and unsure about my life but now that I’ve read your post, I’m reformed. Wallahi, you changed my life bro.  *facepalm*

(Photo credit: ragetrolling.com)

Footy Mad

This person’s mood is entirely governed by their football team’s performance. I don’t even need to watch the match. I’ve got a running (albeit biased) commentary on my news feed. If their team loses, one of the following comments is always made; the ref was rubbish, we should have been given a penalty, the penalty to the other team shouldn’t have been given, the manager needs firing.

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Food Photographers

This person is constantly posting pictures of their food, normally of desserts. I swear it’s like they go out for the sole purpose of taking this picture to post on Facebook. I promise I’ll believe you ate that gorgeous chocolate waffle if you just write about it. Stop making me hungry dammit.

Desserts from JusQytly

(Photo credit: laRuth)

The Procrastinists 

They’re always online, complaining about all the stuff they’ve got to do. If they spent a little less time complaining and a little more time doing, they’d be done ages ago. But where would be the fun in that?

(Photo credit: whypain.org) 

The Activist

This person believes they can singlehandedly change the world through their socio-political commentary on facebook. I mean reading one news article qualifies you as a political expert right?
Have an opinion. I encourage it, but please read around the subject before opening your mouth. You might end up saying something stupid.

The Entrepreneur

This business person is always selling something such as tickets or phones or laptops. The funny thing is hardly anyone responds and if they do, it’s normally to say RIPP OFF. This is Facebook, not Gum Tree. What do you expect? You’re a teenager. Your friends are teenagers. They’ll need to ask Mummy and Daddy before they buy anything you’re selling.

(Photo credit: BBC)

I think that covers most people. No offense was intended. Disclaimer. Disclaimer. Over and Out!

3. Facebook Passwords

Why do people share Facebook passwords. This has bothered me for a while. In my experience, nothing good has ever come out of it. Ever. 

Why do people do it? People seem to think that sharing FB passwords is some sacred act of trust. I prefer to call it a voluntary invasion of privacy. Just because I don’t want you going through my messages or newsfeed doesn’t mean I have anything to hide. I just don’t want people knowing about every miniscule part of my life.

How do people even ask for it? Personally I’d find asking for someone’s password completely inappropriate. However let’s say somebody does ask. They’re looking at you with their puppy dog eyes, they’re reminding you that they’re your bestest friend ever/ boyfriend/ girlfriend and honestly they probably won’t ever look at it. SURE! If you’re not going to look, why are you guilt tripping me?

It gets worse though when they give you their password. I don’t want that knowledge. I fully acknowledge that I’m too curious for my own good and you’re just handing me ammunition. Several people have given me their passwords. Every time I make sure that they change it. I’m touched that they trust me. Unfortunately I don’t trust myself.
And then there’s that expectation…I’ve given you my password… You should really give me yours. NO.

So what goes wrong? How about everything. For a site that is supposed to ‘bring people together’, it sure breaks a lot of people apart.

  1. Eurgh, why are you talking to her/ him?! I hate them and you’re my friend so you can’t talk to them either.
  2. Oh my god, you’ve said such bad things about me to so and so after we had that fight.
  3. Why are you flirting with them? Your MY boyfriend/girlfriend. I no longer trust you. I will censor all your messages from now on. You cannot go anywhere without me by your side. I will be jealous and mistrusting of your companions of the opposite sex.
  4. Why were you on my account pretending to be me? I don’t remember having all these conversations.
  5. Oh my god, you changed my privacy settings. Now my family will see what I’m really like and judge me.And my personal favourite…
  6. WHY WERE YOU ON MY ACCOUNT?

People use the finding of ‘evidence’ as justification of FB password sharing. All I will say is, if someone wants to say bad things about you, they will find a way to do it. FB is not the only medium for chatting. People can verbally say things, instant message, whatsapp or go old school and sent horrible notes. Now unless you want to go all Big Brother on everyone, you cannot control this. Take comfort in the fact that if someone is a bitch, then so is karma.

Over and Out.