Welcome to the inside of my head.

Posts tagged ‘fail’

I told you so

So my dad thinks he can fix/fit/install anything and to give him credit, 9 times out of 10, he can. It just takes him a long long time.

Yesterday the weather was lovely so he decided it would be the perfect opportunity to fit the new window for our living room (which has been sitting in our garage for the best part of year).

It was all going so well. We removed the glass from the original window, walloped the edges of the window (I got to help with this – so satisfying) and painstakingly removed the window frame. Then we hauled the new window into place and secured it. Next was putting in the new glass.

To secure the glass you need to clip some stuff around the edges, almost like a border. However my dad wanted to put some ‘packers’ in first (learning the lingo) except he needed to remind himself how to do it so went off to watch a YouTube tutorial (I can’t make this up).

Meanwhile the glass is literally secured by the act of gravity and some duct tape. I warned my dad that this was too flimsy and he was adamant that it would be fine.

I kid you not. 15 minutes later, a gust of wind resulted in the glass crashing onto the floor, shards everywhere.

I learnt that my fight or flight response is screaming. Like a banshee.

I spent the rest of evening cleaning up and hoovering glass. Think I deserve an award for not telling my dad ‘I told you so’.

Given we didn’t want to get burgled, my dad installed the broken window (one side was still miraculously intact) and slept downstairs with a bat.

 

ePIC FAil

I GOT THE DATE OF MY DATE WRONG. AND HE KNOWS THAT I GOT IT WRONG.

I AM SO MORTIFIED.

WHAT IS MY LIFE.

IT IS NEXT SATURDAY.

Shame

So I usually find myself writing/rambling when my feelings are all over the place. I guess this is one of those times.

I got the results from my second sitting of the actuarial exams yesterday. I passed one and I failed one. Let me clarify that; I, Aliya Khalid, who has never really failed anything before, failed an exam. So this whole thing has been a rather novel experience.

I’m fairly accepting that I failed this exam. I knew it was borderline and I have a hundred excuses to justify it but the honest truth is, I should have prepared more. No, the part I was worried about was how my parents would react. I must have asked them a dozen times:

‘How would you react if I failed an exam?’

‘Yeah but you didn’t.’

‘But what if I did?’

And now, this was my great opportunity to find out.

I thought it was my mum I should worry about and that my dad would take it on my chin. I couldn’t be more wrong if I tried (I must be really off my game).

My mum was perfect; the poster ad for supportive parent. It’ll be fine; you were busy at work; we went to the wedding in Scotland days before your exam; you can sit it later; this won’t hold you back; it’ll be fine. And I thought great- what was I worrying about- now I just need to tell my dad.

Do you know what he said?

‘I’m so disappointed.’

It was like being doused with cold water.

Disappointed? I haven’t put a foot wrong (academically) like ever and the ONE TIME that I mess up a little bit, I’m a disappointment. That’s fucking great.

He topped it off with ‘so all your other friends passed that exam? What went wrong with you? Why did you sit the exam if you weren’t ready? Oh so over 50% of the people who took the exam passed- that makes it
worse.’

I feel furious and hurt and more than a little betrayed. It is easy to be on someone’s side when things are going well but it is a mark of character to stay on their side when things aren’t.

I never expected that from my dad in a million years.

How Not To Flirt

So the guy I like asked me what I thought of his face. I could have said anything; I could have said that he has a very nice face, (what looks like) smooth skin and that he has a cheeky grin. 

So many flattering comments I could have made…

Instead I said “if I squint and tilt my head and the lighting is just right, your face looks mildly okay”. 

He replied “I hate you”. 

I don’t know whether I deserve a round of applause or a slap. 

Breaking into my house

So we recently took up the opportunity to buy the house directly next door to us. No one has lived in it for 20 years. Opening the door feels like opening a time capsule. The decor, the furniture, everything is so so old. It needs a lot of work; the whole thing is a mess. The roof needs fixing. The central heating needs updating. The God damn bath tub is made out of cast iron. And the garden is basically a network of homocidal stinging nettles.

This week we have focused on central heating. The way it was originally set up is actually illegal now because it is so inefficient. They didn’t even separate the supply from the return which is plumbing 101. Anyway this entire week I have been dashing from one house to the next fetching tools and keeping my poor dad hydrated and engergised. This means opening and closing the shoddy front door several times a day. This door is so dodgy and awkward that you have to kick it (hard) in just the right place or it won’t open. This evening however the door threw a strop and didn’t budge even after we nearly broke our legs smashing it. We were essentially locked out of our house.

What to do?

It’s pitch black outside but we need to get back in. We got a ladder and climbed onto the kitchen extension roof and walked across to next door. From here we had access to the bathroom window. But of course it was too small for my dad to get through.

Guess who had to pull her sorry arse ungracefully through this damn window in pitch darkness and land on friggin floorboard with nails poking out.

That’s right, me.

My butt hurts.

Just Aliya Things

I would just like to share the fact that I accidentally sprayed eau de toilette on my underarms instead of deodorant because I am fail. On the plus side my underarms smell hella fine. On the downside I look like a weirdo sniffing my underarms.

144. Basically the entire student population right now.

*sweeps away books*

*rips up notes*

*runs out into the sun arms outstretched*

140. What I tell myself v. What actually happens

What I tell myself: I’ll just have a quick nap. I’ll be so alert and energised afterwards.
What actually happens: Omg it’s tomorrow.

What I tell myself: I’ll start working at 7.30.
What actually happens: Oh look it’s 7.31, better start at 8.00 now.

What I tell myself: Oh god I’m so full- I cannot eat another bite.
What actually happens: Oooh ice cream! I got room for that.

What I tell myself: I’m going to try all of these questions without looking at the answers. The struggle is part of the question.
What actually happens: Fuck it where are those solutions? Ain’t nobody got time fo’ this.

What I tell myself: Omg he’s a douchebag- I’m never speaking to him again.
What actually happens: Hmm it’s been an hour. Maybe I should say sorry.

What I tell myself: I am going to do lots of revision today.
What actually happens: Hole punching my notes and neatly putting them into a folder counts as revision right?

What I tell myself: Ehhh I don’t want to have a bath.
What actually happens: I am a dolphin. I am a mermaid. I’m never leaving this tub.

What I tell myself: I shall read sophisticated books to improve my vocabulary.
What actually happens: Where’s my copy of 50 shades of Grey?

What I tell myself: Now that I’ve bought new kitchen utensils and oven equipment I will become a domestic goddess.
What actually happens: *eats Cornflakes for dinner*

What I tell myself: I need to lose weight- right! Time to do 50 sit ups.
What actually happens: *does 20* Good God, I can’t move.

What I tell myself: Saving a document? I’ll save it as ‘shizzle24’. It is both descriptive and I’ll remember exactly what it is in future.
What actually happens: *in the future* God dammit why do I have 36 files called shizzle.

What I tell myself: I’ll just watch the first episode of this series to decide if I like it.
What actually happens: What do you mean there are no more episodes to watch?! I’ve only watched 3 seasons in 3 days.

What I tell myself: I should really sort out my underarms.
What actually happens: Hmm forgot to do my underarms. I’ll just get through the day avoiding lifting my arms at all cost.

What I tell myself: I’m going to get up 10 minutes earlier so that I don’t have to rush.
What actually happens: Leaves 5 minutes late.

What I tell myself: I’m going to make an effort to look presentable and female.
What actually happens: Unflattering jeans and hoodie it is.

Over and Out!

138. Because I’m Happyyy

Yes it’s been too long…. but I was working my butt off on my beast of a Statistical Pattern Recognition coursework. I handed it in on Friday and pretty much hibernated during the weekend because I was so exhausted from staring at a screen. Saying I handed it in doesn’t quite convey that actual stress of that day; it would be more accurate to say that I was filling in my name and college details in the lift on the way to the 6th floor where I was supposed to hand it in merely 10 minutes before the deadline. Then because I’m a plum I managed to submit it in the wrong slot and embarrassingly had to beg the lady in the office to retrieve it for me. I think she took pity on me.

The whole point of taking this immense coding course was to alleviate stress later because it would mean taking one fewer exam in the Summer. Maybe it’ll feel the benefits later but on Friday I’m quite sure I had high blood pressure coupled with a thumping headache and lack of sleep. Not the greatest of combinations. Oh well it’s over now.

Since then I’ve been pretty much listening to this on repeat. If any of you need your spirits raising, this song’ll do it. Loosen up. Get those shoulders moving.

Oh and for those of you still reading this and persevering with me:

gold star

Over and Out!

134. Emotionally Single

Literally me from the age of 14 to 20. Embarrassing? Absolutely. But there is something about talking to your crush that is both exciting and frustrating; it’s a mix between the anxiety from over analysing everything they’re saying (oh my god they said ‘heyyy’ instead of ‘hey’… success!) and joy that they’re even responding.

Yes I am that psychotic girl who hides behind her keyboard. I am like 500 million times funnier and more interesting online because I feel #like a boss and fear nothing. In person in any kind of vaguely non-platonic situation I’m either silent or chatting absolute bollocks. I am fail.

This video got me thinking though…I haven’t had a crush on anyone non-fictional/ non celebrity for a while now… and it’s a bit a rarity for me (I don’t crush on loads of people, just a few people but for extended periods of time). It feels weird.

I’m not thinking about anyone else. I’m not wondering what they’re doing. I’m making even less of an effort when it comes to what I look like (didn’t think it was possible). That last one’s quite bad. I shouldn’t have to fancy someone to put in some time to distinguish myself as a woman.

What all this does means however is that I now have a lot more free time (good thing too because I have so much damn work). Who knew pining was so time consuming?

Secretly though, I think I miss it. Sure it was emotionally draining and it felt like my hormones were flying all over the place but something small like my crush starting a conversation could make my day and make me feel warm and fuzzy inside. Now something really special has to happen to make my day. Even academic success doesn’t cut it anymore.

The worst thing about all of this is the timing. This is not the optimum time to be emotionally single especially when my mother is saying things like ‘you need to find a man’ as if I can just order one I like online. It is not easy and I don’t have time to get my flirt on. I’m not even sure I remember how to get my flirt on.

Ehhh I feel like a younger, brown version of Bridget Jones.

Over and Out!