Today I had my mid-internship feedback session. It was supposed to be informal but my blood pressure was elevated the entire time. I’m not sure why I was so nervous- maybe it’s because I’ve never had feedback like this before or maybe I was bracing myself for criticism.
My line manager said lots of nice stuff but of course it is the negatives that stick out and keep replaying in my mind. Though of course they weren’t negatives, they were ‘constructive criticism’. The biggest of these was how I wasn’t making the most of the social scene which is a toughie as far as criticism goes. It’s not something like ‘Aliya you need to be on time’- that’s very easily rectifiable. This is more like Aliya we think you need to be more outgoing- that kinda requires a personality transplant.
Now a lot of things that make you ‘outgoing’ are things I don’t do. I don’t drink. I don’t club. That is not my lifestyle and it’s not something I’m prepared to compromise on. But I am guilty of not speaking to enough people when I have the opportunity. I mean I know the people around me pretty well but not so much people on the other floors outside of people I’ve worked for. But that’s what I’m like. I take time to warm to people and I prefer small intimate circles rather than big networks. It’s not that I’m scared of an awkward conversation- I just hate inane conversation. I like quirky. I’m not interested if you were out clubbing till 3am and that you’re still hung over but I am interested if you can click your fingers in 8 different ways.
So how did I take all of this?
Well obviously I didn’t love hearing it but I can’t dispute it either. All of her comments were fair and justified. I just need to decide what to do about it now.
I mean I could force myself into being more of a social butterfly but it would be temporary. What’s the point of faking it to get a graduate offer and then going back to my reclusive self? That’s IF I get one. I don’t think I will and in that situation it might for the best- I’d be better off at a smaller company.
Over and Out!