Welcome to the inside of my head.

Posts tagged ‘food’

143. Things I Think I’m Good At

Well hello there! My term ended last Thursday and whilst I thought it would be an emotional day having my last lecture, it turns out I was just pretty darned relieved that I didn’t have any further content to revise.

Which brings me onto REVISION. I’ve only just begun and I’m already sick of it. Too much bloody content. Anyway during this rather horrible period I always feel a bit shit so I thought I’d remind myself and share with you guys that I’m not actually (completely) incompetent.

Without further ado, here is a list of things I *think* I’m good at:

  1. Candy Crush– I am GOOD at this game. I can spot a speckled candy or a packet faster than you can spot your mum. OHHHHHHHH.
  2. Formatting on Microsoft Word– I’ll have you know that this is an art form. Tables, borders, shaded cells. You name it, I can do it. I even got commended during my internship for sorting out some dodgy line spacing. Don’t mess.
  3. Remembering song lyrics– I often recite entire songs in my head when I can’t sleep. My favourites are ‘She will be loved’ by Maroon 5 and ‘Just Lose It’ by Eminem when I’m feeling adventurous.
  4. Flipping omelettes– I don’t do anything extravagant like chuck it in the air but I have perfected balancing it on the spatula and turning it over before it breaks. It’s all in the wrist action.
  5. Clicking my joints in weird and wonderful ways– Disgusted? I hope so. *clicks neck*
  6. Identifying sequences– There’s a reason I study Mathematics. I was once good at it.
  7. Acting like I’m listening when I’m not– You need to strike the balance between smiling and nodding and mhmm-ing at the right time.
  8. Enjoying my own company– I think more people need to get better at this. I am perfectly happy entertaining myself (titter). No but seriously I don’t feel alone even if I’m by myself.
  9. Reading quickly– I don’t know how many words per minute but I’m fast. I can read heavyweight books in a day.
  10. Finding good gifts– If Maths doesn’t work out, I think I could set up a successful tailored gift service. I like giving people kooky but practical things.
  11. Using keyboard shortcuts– It physically pains me to see people using their mouse to do things a keyboard could do in half the time.
  12. Not wasting money– I don’t get a high from retail therapy but I do when I see my bank statement.
  13. Being on time– not late, not early, on time. I think people who arrive early are nearly as annoying as people who arrive late.
  14. Adjusting to the situation– I can be sharp and serious when it matters, quiet when I need to be, loud when I want to be, and social if I have to.

Wowwww this list really isn’t very impressive.

Over and Out!

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140. What I tell myself v. What actually happens

What I tell myself: I’ll just have a quick nap. I’ll be so alert and energised afterwards.
What actually happens: Omg it’s tomorrow.

What I tell myself: I’ll start working at 7.30.
What actually happens: Oh look it’s 7.31, better start at 8.00 now.

What I tell myself: Oh god I’m so full- I cannot eat another bite.
What actually happens: Oooh ice cream! I got room for that.

What I tell myself: I’m going to try all of these questions without looking at the answers. The struggle is part of the question.
What actually happens: Fuck it where are those solutions? Ain’t nobody got time fo’ this.

What I tell myself: Omg he’s a douchebag- I’m never speaking to him again.
What actually happens: Hmm it’s been an hour. Maybe I should say sorry.

What I tell myself: I am going to do lots of revision today.
What actually happens: Hole punching my notes and neatly putting them into a folder counts as revision right?

What I tell myself: Ehhh I don’t want to have a bath.
What actually happens: I am a dolphin. I am a mermaid. I’m never leaving this tub.

What I tell myself: I shall read sophisticated books to improve my vocabulary.
What actually happens: Where’s my copy of 50 shades of Grey?

What I tell myself: Now that I’ve bought new kitchen utensils and oven equipment I will become a domestic goddess.
What actually happens: *eats Cornflakes for dinner*

What I tell myself: I need to lose weight- right! Time to do 50 sit ups.
What actually happens: *does 20* Good God, I can’t move.

What I tell myself: Saving a document? I’ll save it as ‘shizzle24’. It is both descriptive and I’ll remember exactly what it is in future.
What actually happens: *in the future* God dammit why do I have 36 files called shizzle.

What I tell myself: I’ll just watch the first episode of this series to decide if I like it.
What actually happens: What do you mean there are no more episodes to watch?! I’ve only watched 3 seasons in 3 days.

What I tell myself: I should really sort out my underarms.
What actually happens: Hmm forgot to do my underarms. I’ll just get through the day avoiding lifting my arms at all cost.

What I tell myself: I’m going to get up 10 minutes earlier so that I don’t have to rush.
What actually happens: Leaves 5 minutes late.

What I tell myself: I’m going to make an effort to look presentable and female.
What actually happens: Unflattering jeans and hoodie it is.

Over and Out!

81. Beetroot Juice

Recently my Mum has been obsessed with beetroot. She thinks we should all start chowing it down because it’s so good for us. Now I’m not averse to a bit of beetroot (and every time I eat some, I simply have to look in the mirror and check how red my tongue is) but I have limits. One of those limits is beetroot juice… hot beetroot juice.

My mum asked me to drink some and I was like:

Do you want to see me puke it up on the carpet? First off, it stinks. Secondly it looks like blood. Thirdly it was hot.

After I said no, my mum was like DRINK IT. DRINK IT NOW. What was the point of asking me if you were just going to force it upon me anyway?! I’m 21 years old and my mum can still make me to drink crap I don’t want to drink.

I reluctantly picked up the cup and pretended to take a gulp. Clearly my acting skills are not up to par because my mum knew straight away. She left me the whole cup and a threat: ‘this better be finished when I come back’.

I searched the room looking for a way out.

  1. I couldn’t drain it down the sink- Mum was in the kitchen.
  2. I couldn’t give it to the plants- their leaves would turn red.
  3. I couldn’t randomly take a stroll in the garden and accidentally drop it in the grass- Mum would be suspicious.

I was stuck.

I had to drink it.

75. #YOLO #SWAG

  1. Using blue pen instead of black
  2. Not removing your USB safely
  3. Putting cucumber in a fruit salad
  4. Eating After 8’s before 8
  5. Doing your maths homework in pen
  6. Talking in the silent section
  7. Not minding the gap before you get off the train
  8. Standing in front of the yellow line on the platform
  9. Eating crunchies in the silent section
  10. Dividing zero by zero
  11. Leaving out the constant of integration when integrating
  12. Ringing the bell for your bus stop and not getting off
  13. Eating only 4 pieces of fruit and veg a day
  14. Singing rolling in the deep in the shallow end
  15. Buying 11 items in the express queue
  16. Using degrees instead of radians
  17. Not using commas in a list
  18. Wearing red on St Patrick’s day
  19. Not smoking in the smoker’s section
  20. Drinking only 1.99 litres of water a day

#SWAG #YOLO #shinebrightlikeadiamond #bestpostevaaa #hatersgonhate #hashtag

(Muchos gracias James, Shakira and Dania for the ideas)

Over and Out!

59. I’ll make lunch he said

On my days off, I’m usually in charge of making lunch (or in my case breakfast) but today my Dad kindly volunteered to make it instead. I got the call/yell from downstairs that food was ready (Aluuuu nechay ao!) and I saw this:

food

I like vegetables… you know as an accompaniment to real food. I was sure that my dad would bring something else out like some grilled fish, roast chicken perhaps (wishful thinking), heck even some potatoes. Nothing came.

I stared at my dad all blank faced and said ‘but where is the food?’ to which he said ‘this is the food’.
Disappointment level: Jack Sparrow

But why is the rum gone?!

I ate my bland rabbit food but I’ll be making my own lunch in future, thank you very much.

Over and Out!

38. Are you one of these types of Facebookers?

Scrolling through my Facebook News Feed today, I couldn’t help but realise how much I could categorise the posts. About 80% is the same recycled rubbish every day. Sometimes I wonder why I bother. I guess that potential 20% keeps me coming back. Oh and I need help remembering birthdays.

So without further ado, I give you my types of Facebookers (Note this is entirely based on my own news feed… )

The Gym Rat

This person is always going to the gym and to prove it, they post on Facebook before and after a workout. They then follow this up with things like ‘NO GAIN WITHOUT PAIN’, several pics of their ‘ripped’ bodies, their love of protein shakes and how much their muscles ache after their intense exercising.

English: Heeeeeeeeench.

Would you like some chest with those abs? (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

It’s Complicated

This person is always going through emotional turmoil. They met someone 2 days ago and now they’re in love. It’s always ‘different’ this time… except it’s not because very soon they’re out of love and posting hate lyrics in their statuses about one another. It’s always in statuses too…never in a private message. They just have to post something really cryptic like ‘I hate you bitch’ for the whole world to see. Talk about airing your dirty laundry.

102.

This is why you should invest in waterproof mascara. (Photo credit: Zoë Campbell)

Vanity Queen

This person is a girl 99% of the time. She will dedicate entire albums to pictures of herself in the bathroom with 360 pictures of herself standing in one position, tilting her face 1 degree at a time. Or she might have slapped on all her makeup and call it her ‘natural’ look. Or she’ll post a picture of herself wearing a skimpy top and caption it with ‘it’s all about my new hair cuttt!’. Sure because everyone’s looking at your hair right?

(Photo Credit: Shutterstock)

The Serial Updater

This person updates their status about a dozen times a day.
I just woke up. I took a shit. I went to school. I just ate. I’m going to bed.

Rinse lather repeat.

The Party Animal

This person is always clubbing or partying, drinking themselves stupid and then posting lots and lots of pictures of their ‘messy’ night. They’ll normally post something like ‘Ayyy Pissheads!’, ‘just chundered everywhere lol’ or my personal favourite ‘I’m never drinking again’.

drunk_guy_at_reading01

(Photo credit: gusset)

The Loved Up Couple

Oh god, these people normally have matching profile pictures and they tag each other in just about every post. They confess their love for one another wherever possible. I’m really pleased for these people- I’m happy they’re happy but surely it’s more romantic and intimate saying these things in person or I dunno, in private? Just a thought.

I'm in Love

(Photo credit: ladytimeless)

Changed my life Bro

This person is always posting motivational speeches and inspiring messages. I was so sad and unsure about my life but now that I’ve read your post, I’m reformed. Wallahi, you changed my life bro.  *facepalm*

(Photo credit: ragetrolling.com)

Footy Mad

This person’s mood is entirely governed by their football team’s performance. I don’t even need to watch the match. I’ve got a running (albeit biased) commentary on my news feed. If their team loses, one of the following comments is always made; the ref was rubbish, we should have been given a penalty, the penalty to the other team shouldn’t have been given, the manager needs firing.

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Food Photographers

This person is constantly posting pictures of their food, normally of desserts. I swear it’s like they go out for the sole purpose of taking this picture to post on Facebook. I promise I’ll believe you ate that gorgeous chocolate waffle if you just write about it. Stop making me hungry dammit.

Desserts from JusQytly

(Photo credit: laRuth)

The Procrastinists 

They’re always online, complaining about all the stuff they’ve got to do. If they spent a little less time complaining and a little more time doing, they’d be done ages ago. But where would be the fun in that?

(Photo credit: whypain.org) 

The Activist

This person believes they can singlehandedly change the world through their socio-political commentary on facebook. I mean reading one news article qualifies you as a political expert right?
Have an opinion. I encourage it, but please read around the subject before opening your mouth. You might end up saying something stupid.

The Entrepreneur

This business person is always selling something such as tickets or phones or laptops. The funny thing is hardly anyone responds and if they do, it’s normally to say RIPP OFF. This is Facebook, not Gum Tree. What do you expect? You’re a teenager. Your friends are teenagers. They’ll need to ask Mummy and Daddy before they buy anything you’re selling.

(Photo credit: BBC)

I think that covers most people. No offense was intended. Disclaimer. Disclaimer. Over and Out!