Welcome to the inside of my head.

Posts tagged ‘health’

119. Man I feel like shit.

Overnight my nose has turned into a never ending snot tap. My pockets are full of damp bogey filled tissues. It’s disgusting. I swear this happens to me every year; as soon as the weather changes, my body gives up on me.

My head is throbbing from the complete lack of sleep I got. Half of the night my nose was blocked and I had the attractive task of sleeping with my mouth open. The other half of the time my nose was dribbling so I had a bogey moustache.

You know how dentists have suction machine things to collect your spit, I desperately wanted one for my nose. I don’t care if it makes me look like Zoidberg. Alternatively somebody needs to invent a nose bib and shut up it’s not the same thing as a tissue.

Talking of tissues. I’ve used so many that my nose has turned red. I probably shouldn’t have used kitchen towels.

Ehhhhh. I hate being ill.

Over and Out!

81. Beetroot Juice

Recently my Mum has been obsessed with beetroot. She thinks we should all start chowing it down because it’s so good for us. Now I’m not averse to a bit of beetroot (and every time I eat some, I simply have to look in the mirror and check how red my tongue is) but I have limits. One of those limits is beetroot juice… hot beetroot juice.

My mum asked me to drink some and I was like:

Do you want to see me puke it up on the carpet? First off, it stinks. Secondly it looks like blood. Thirdly it was hot.

After I said no, my mum was like DRINK IT. DRINK IT NOW. What was the point of asking me if you were just going to force it upon me anyway?! I’m 21 years old and my mum can still make me to drink crap I don’t want to drink.

I reluctantly picked up the cup and pretended to take a gulp. Clearly my acting skills are not up to par because my mum knew straight away. She left me the whole cup and a threat: ‘this better be finished when I come back’.

I searched the room looking for a way out.

  1. I couldn’t drain it down the sink- Mum was in the kitchen.
  2. I couldn’t give it to the plants- their leaves would turn red.
  3. I couldn’t randomly take a stroll in the garden and accidentally drop it in the grass- Mum would be suspicious.

I was stuck.

I had to drink it.