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Posts tagged ‘heartbreak’

5 books that will give you all the feels

In case you don’t know, I read. A lot. And I am one of those people that actually enjoy reading books about pain and heartache and loss because I am a masochist but also because I think it helps put my own life, and my own struggles into perspective.

So without further ado, there is my top 5 list of books that will give you ALL the feels. Keep some tissues handy.

Eleanor and Park by Rainbow Rowell

I cannot rave about this book enough. I love it to death. I think it might be my favourite book of all time.

It’s short and bitter and about two teens who sit next to each other on the school bus and fall in love. The reason I think it’s special is because it reminds me of how exaggerated everything feels at that age; how amazing the good things feel and how utterly devastating the bad things feel. It makes you remember all of your firsts; the first time someone looked at you and really ‘saw’ you, the first time someone held your hand, the first time someone kissed you and you felt it right down to your toes.

Image result for eleanor and park

Memorable lines:

“Holding Eleanor’s hand was like holding a butterfly. Or a heartbeat. Like holding something complete, and completely alive.”

“The me that’s me right now is yours. Always.”

The Fault in Our Stars by John Green

In my opinion, this book is worth the hype. Why? Because John Green managed to write a book about two teenagers who have cancer and he made the cancer feel secondary; an intimidating obstacle for sure, but always second to them, and to their friendship. Augustus Waters breathed life into Hazel and it was so so beautiful to read. I will never hear the word ‘okay’ in the same way again.

Image result for the fault in our stars

Memorable lines:

“Some people don’t understand the promises they’re making when they make them,” I said.

“Right, of course. But you keep the promise anyway. That’s what love is. Love is keeping the promise anyway.”

“But I will say this: When the scientists of the future show up at my house with robot eyes and they tell me to try them on, I will tell the scientists to screw off, because I do not want to see a world without him.”

It ends with Us by Coleen Hoover

Coleen Hoover is a Wonder Woman. I don’t think she has it in her to write a bad book but this one in particular, really got to me. It is about a woman who has experienced domestic violence in her childhood home and hated her mother for ‘allowing’ it. Fast forward a few years and she is the same position. It shows you just how easily these sorts of situations can develop and how, even if you’re strong, your limits can be eroded. What you might have thought was unacceptable a year ago can become palatable.

I loved this because it never felt simple and that is what made it real. Could you leave someone who was the best thing to every happen to you 99% of the time but also the worst 1% of the time?

Image result for it ends with us

Memorable line:

“Preventing your heart from forgiving someone you love is actually a hell of a lot harder than simply forgiving them.”

All the Bright Places by Jennifer Niven

This book killed me. It was like a burning dagger to my heart that turned me into a bawling mess crying into my blanket at 1am. And that’s saying something because I have never ever wept whilst reading before.

Theodore Finch isn’t like other people. In fact he isn’t like anyone else at all. He is apologetically himself  but he seems to feel everything. His mind races at 100mph and he is constantly struggling to keep up with his own thoughts to the point where it is overwhelming. From the first page you know that he wants to die, and he’s about to do it when he realises that Violet is also standing on the belltower for the same reason. For someone so set on dying, it hit me right in the feels that he was able to talk her down.

In the months that follow, Theo still wants to die but Violet gives him a reason every day not to. In return he loves her fiercely.

I usually shy away from books like these because I think some authors try too hard to evoke emotions but I thought this was different. The ending felt both inevitable and surprising. Both beautiful and tragic. Both necessary and pointless.

Image result for all the bright places

Memorable line:

“You have been in every way all that anyone could be.… If anybody could have saved me it would have been you.”

The above is actually an extract from Virginia Woolf’s suicide note which is one of the most bittersweet things I have ever read.

If I stay by Gayle Foreman

The premise of this story is deceptively simple; Mia loses her entire family in a car crash and she is hanging on by a thread in intensive care. She has one choice to make; should she follow her family or should she stay?

This is not one of those books which is like oh love conquers all, she has her grandparents and her friends and her boyfriend, of course she’ll stay. It is messy and it is honest and it is vulnerable. I really appreciated that it was not clear cut. The snippets of her life as she knew it versus her life in real time were interwoven so compellingly that it made Mia and her choice feel real.

Image result for if i stay book

Memorable passage:

“It’s okay,’ he tells me. ‘If you want to go. Everyone wants you to stay. I want you to stay more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life.’ His voice cracks with emotion. He stops, clears his throat, takes a breath, and continues. ‘But that’s what I want and I could see why it might not be what you want. So I just wanted to tell you that I understand if you go. It’s okay if you have to leave us. It’s okay if you want to stop fighting.’

Okay who is cutting onions god dammit?!

Over and Out!


74. Bad Boy Syndrome.

He’s grumpy. He’s rude. He has questionable morals. He’s addicted to Vicodin. Most of the time, he’s just an ass. His name is Dr Gregory House and I am kinda in love with him.

You know the state of my love life is pretty poor if I’m emotionally taken by a fictional character on a series that ended last year but hey that’s how it is.

The thing with House is that although he is a complete jerk with no regard for the rules, he is a brilliant diagnostic doctor and I am naturally impressed by anyone who is really good at what they do. Coupled with his sharp wit, piercing blue eyes and uncanny ability of being right, you can start to see why I like him.

Are those reasons good enough though? His talents don’t negate the fact that he’s a moody git who listens to no-one. He’s hardly a ray of sunshine.

With this realisation came a glum conclusion. Women are idiots. (House would approve of that statement).

I ought to be more precise. Women are idiots when it comes to matters of the heart. Intelligent, sensible women who are perfectly capable of forming rational arguments are just as susceptible to ‘Bad Boy Syndrome’ as any other woman. This…disease makes girls attracted to unstable people which leads to dysfunctional relationships and a whole barrel of heartache.

Why do we do this to ourselves?

A woman’s capacity for forgiveness is both her saving grace and Achilles’ heel. We see damaged people, find the good in them, amplify these traits and turn a blind eye to their bad qualities. We like them because we think we can fix them and because the only thing more attractive than a bad boy is a bad boy reformed. We like the knowledge that we made them change. You must have heard a girl say ‘he’s different when he’s with me’. Well that makes us feel special- to have succeeded where other people failed.

But why do we like bad boys?

We always want things that we don’t have. Girls with wavy hair want straight hair and girls with straight hair want wavy hair. Similarly most of us are ‘safe’ and ‘stable’ but bad boys are inherently dangerous and volatile… and we want a taste of it. Being around them is a form of escape from our normal life and that feels exciting and stimulating. In the long term however, it usually leads to trouble.

Does it work?

Rarely. Take House and Cuddy for example. They had such a good thing going and House still ended up driving a car into her dining room (I am still seriously annoyed about that). Most people don’t change, but with everything, there are exceptions. It’s these cases that instill hope and encourage us to give bad boys chances that they probably don’t deserve.

So what should a guy do?

If you’re a nice guy and you’re wondering why you don’t get so much female attention, it’s because there’s nothing to ‘fix’.  Don’t take this to mean you need to become a raging alcoholic or start doing drugs to become a messed up individual. The truth is rather like the hare and the tortoise, nice guys end up being the eventual winners but unfortunately us silly women need to become emotionally attached to unsuitable people first before we realise what’s good for us. Terrible, I know.

Le sigh.

But until I learn my lesson, here’s a charming video of House:


Over and Out!

41. Second choice, second best

This post might seem a bit erratic in contrast to the tone of my other posts but I’m just feeling pensive today.  Bear with me. I heard about a difficult situation someone was in and it made me wonder how I would feel in their shoes.

To give you some context:

Imagine you applied to a job you really wanted. You thought it was exactly what you needed and you really felt like you had a place there. You go to the interview and perform well. They are impressed by your calibre and like your enthusiasm but unfortunately someone just pipped you and they don’t have enough space for you. Those words sound pretty hollow given the end outcome. But what if they got back to you? What if they said the person that pipped you is out of the picture and well…you’re next in line. Say you knew the other person wasn’t coming back. Would you take the job?

I think most people would- I would anyway- simply because of how much I wanted it initially. I’d take the first rejection on the chin.

But what if this wasn’t for a job? What if this was a relationship and it all revolved around someone you really cared about? Would you make the same decision?

It doesn’t feel straightforward anymore. When it comes to affairs of the heart, pride is a bitter pill to swallow. The rationale of this being everything you wanted plays second fiddle to the disappointment of being second choice, second best.

There’s something attractive about the idea of pushing someone away and hurting them right back, regardless of whether it’s actually what you want to. Some might call it ‘tit for tat’. You could also look at it another way. Technically you’re their ‘first’ second choice. Some might call that the silver lining. Maybe we should make the most of it.

If I’m being brutally honest, I would probably shove them away because I am bitter and stubborn, though I’m sure I would regret it. I like to think I’d eventually make amends though.

The question is…could you settle with being the person that someone settled for? 

29. Put your speakers on and get ready to empathise!

It’s the start of February. We all know that means Valentine’s day is around the corner. Now everyone will be having different experiences this year; there will be those who are beautifully, disgustingly in love, those who wish they were and those who think they don’t care. This post caters for the latter two types of people.

I think emotions and music pretty much go hand in hand. Music helps brings out what you feel even if you didn’t know it yourself and I think that’s pretty magical… the fact that you can hear something and it will make you think of a person, a memory or something you were trying to bury. I decided to try and compile a fairly comprehensive list of scenarios and I had great fun ‘researching’ relevant songs associated with them to help you get through The Valentine Blues.

I tried to pick songs from a variety of artists with the hope that you hear something new or something you haven’t heard in a while. So put your speakers on and get ready to empathise!

  • You’re in a relationship. It’s not working. You don’t know why but you’re too tired to hold on any longer.

Ellie Goulding- Hanging On

‘You know we can get away
Because I’m calling your name

I just can’t keep hanging on, to you and me
I just don’t know what is wrong, with you and me’

(Her voice just sounds ethereal in this, particularly in the beginning.)

  • Somebody left you. You’re a mess and they seem absolutely fine. What a !@#$%^.

The Script- Breakeven

‘What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you?
And what am I supposed to say when I’m all choked up and you’re ok?
I’m falling to pieces, yeah,
I’m falling to pieces’

  • When you’ve been let down or lied to and the best thing to do is say goodbye. Yeah time to leave that !@#$%^.

Lianna la Havas- Gone

‘Love is not blind, it’s just deaf and it is dumb
So how could I fool myself thinking you were the one
How sad, how undignified
Now I found you out
This is my last goodbye’

  • They can’t commit. They keep changing their mind because they don’t know what they want. What a !@#$%^.

Adele- Turning Tables

‘God only knows what we’re fighting for
All that I say, you always say more
I can’t keep up with your turning tables
Under your thumb I can’t breathe
So, I won’t let you close enough to hurt me
No, I won’t rescue you to just desert me
I can’t give you the heart you think you gave me
It’s time to say goodbye to turning tables’

(It’s not possible to talk breakup music without mentioning Adele)

  • That one person is just always on your mind and you can’t shake it. Seriously annoying.

Lemar- It’s Not That Easy

‘Girl I’ve tried and tried a million times
To get you off my mind
It’s not that easy
It’s not that easy
Don’t you know how hard it is for me
To smile and say goodbye
It’s not that easy
It’s not that easy’

  • When a relationship is over and they’re acting like it meant nothing to them. What a !@#$%^.

Gotye- Somebody That I Used To Know

‘But you didn’t have to cut me off
Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing
And I don’t even need your love
But you treat me like a stranger and that feels so rough
No you didn’t have to stoop so low
Have your friends collect your records and then change your number
I guess that I don’t need that though
Now you’re just somebody that I used to know’

(This is a radio edit of the song that I like a lot more than the original. Got a bit of extra kick to it.)

  • When you’ve had enough of this crap and decide you don’t need anyone but yourself. ALL THE LADIES IF YOU FEEL ME, HELP ME SING IT OUTTT (if you’ve heard the song before, you’ll understand)

Beyonce- Me, Myself & I

‘Cuz I realized I got me, myself and I
That’s all I got in the end
That’s what I found out
And it ain’t no need to cry
I took a vow that from now on
I’m gonna be my own best friend’

(I just had to share the live version of this song because my god Bey can SANG (it’s not a typo)! She turns this sad song into an anthem! Absolutely kills it from 1:45 onwards)

It was so hard whittling down to just seven songs but I figured 50 songs was probably overkill so there you have it.

If you’re actually beautifully, disgustingly in love, then have no fear my next post will be songs just for youu!

Over and Out!