So in that last post where I said I hoped to still keep up with my blog- yeah that didn’t happen. I can only apologise. I’m guilty. I chose sleep over blogging. Disgraceful.
So what the hell have I been doing? The daily grind covers it- the getting up, going to work, commuting home and collapsing in bed routine.
People ask me all the time how my job is going and I smile and say it’s good and that I’m being kept busy.
But here is what I really want to say.
I have caught myself questioning working life a hundred times over the past month.
The first, and it makes me sad to say this is, is this it? Is this what my life is going to be… 40 years of a daily 9-5 (let’s be honest 8.30-6) and catching up on sleep on the weekend. There’s got to be more, surely.
Then there’s WHAT I’m doing. I like that I’m being given responsibility and I’m doing something ‘real’ but I’m basically a glorified Excel person. Spreadsheets and Outlook are my two sidekicks.
Sometimes I feel like such a sellout. I picked such a ‘safe’, ‘stable’ career. I’ve been so busy being realistic about the future that I never sat down to actually ask myself what I wanted to do. I stumbled into this with my eyes closed and my fingers crossed and a mantra that it’ll work out. And you know what, it probably will. I just need to adjust and grab any opportunity to do non-standard stuff. But for now I’m going to moan because I bloody well want to.
I also worry about my time, more specifically the lack of it. What’s the point of earning money if you don’t have time to use it? I am quickly beginning to realise that there are not enough hours in the day for me to do all the things I want, and this makes me feel bitter. I want to see my family, chat to my friends, keep up to date with all my tv shows, listen to all the new music and spend hours exploring YouTube and WordPress. But I can’t. And I think it sucks.
And the bit that shocks me is that I’m lucky. I can come home and my parents take such good care of me. How do people living alone function? When do they find the time to go food shopping or cook? How do parents drum up the energy to entertain their kids and keep up to date?
The way I see it…if you let it, work will suck you in and take over your life. I need to prioritise what is really important and do enough things in my personal life so that I don’t lose my identity.
I need to remind myself that I am so much more than just an employee.