Welcome to the inside of my head.

Posts tagged ‘mum’

139. It’s Ma Birthday

Guysss I’m 22- according to Taylor Swift I should be feeling happy, free, confused and lonely in the best way.

I think I’ll just stick to happy.

I’ve celebrated by playing Candy Crush obsessively (it’s becoming a problem). I’m on level 89 after 4 days (yeah I know late on the bandwagon). I’m even dreaming of those stupid colourful blocks bursting. Anyone else suffering from Candy Crush syndrome? If you don’t play, I suggest you keep it that way.

No but seriously, my real celebration will be to have dinner with my parents. We’re just about to head off. I fully plan on stuffing my face with yummy goodness. Party part 2 will be on Wednesday- I’ve having my uni friends around and we’re going to party like a mofo- by which I mean we’re going to watch Pitch Perfect and play Monopoly. Same thing right?

In terms of presents, my mummy bought me a very beautiful photo frame with pearly shiny stuff on it (anything shiny is a winner tbh). I just need to find a picture to put in it now…

Over and Out!

89. Every time my mum goes to Mothercare…

She comes back like: WHY DON’T YOU HAVE CHILDREN ALREADY! I saw this beautiful baby dress that had lace and sequins on it and it was so cute and it had matching socks and a hairband AND I WANTED TO BUY IT AND THE PUSHCHAIR (it was half price!) AND ONE OF THOSE THINGS BABIES CAN BOUNCE AROUND IN but I couldn’t buy them because you’re too big now and I don’t have any grandchildren. THIS IS YOUR FAULT ALIYA. GOD, HURRY UP.

And I’m just standing there like…

What just happened?

*fart*

I mean I could make it happen if you really want. Let me know Ma. Like I don’t mind looking after a burping, pooping, fart machine for the rest of my life just so you can buy clothes.

(I do want kids, honest. Just you know…later. Like… later later.)

Over and Out!

 

81. Beetroot Juice

Recently my Mum has been obsessed with beetroot. She thinks we should all start chowing it down because it’s so good for us. Now I’m not averse to a bit of beetroot (and every time I eat some, I simply have to look in the mirror and check how red my tongue is) but I have limits. One of those limits is beetroot juice… hot beetroot juice.

My mum asked me to drink some and I was like:

Do you want to see me puke it up on the carpet? First off, it stinks. Secondly it looks like blood. Thirdly it was hot.

After I said no, my mum was like DRINK IT. DRINK IT NOW. What was the point of asking me if you were just going to force it upon me anyway?! I’m 21 years old and my mum can still make me to drink crap I don’t want to drink.

I reluctantly picked up the cup and pretended to take a gulp. Clearly my acting skills are not up to par because my mum knew straight away. She left me the whole cup and a threat: ‘this better be finished when I come back’.

I searched the room looking for a way out.

  1. I couldn’t drain it down the sink- Mum was in the kitchen.
  2. I couldn’t give it to the plants- their leaves would turn red.
  3. I couldn’t randomly take a stroll in the garden and accidentally drop it in the grass- Mum would be suspicious.

I was stuck.

I had to drink it.

77. And then I heard a blood curdling scream…

My dad loves to pull pranks and his favourite victim is my mother. Now my mum isn’t one to get easily surprised (all mothers have eyes at the back of their heads after all) but occasionally my dad catches her completely off guard to terrifying effect. Today was such a day AND he managed to get an accomplice to aid him.

We had a guest come to our house early in the morning but my mum didn’t hear the doorbell because she was watering the flowers in the garden. Instead my dad opened the door. It was my mum’s friend who just wanted to drop by to say ‘hi’. He convinced her it would be a good idea to surprise my mum. What he did was call my mum from inside of the house and she opened the garden door fulling expecting to see my dad behind it. Instead my dad had our guest stationed there who my mother totally didn’t expect to see.

She let out a blood curdling scream which I heard from upstairs in my room with the windows closed. She then burst into tears. I shouldn’t have laughed. My mum crying should not be amusing but I did. I laughed. I mean come on- as far as pranks go, this was a complete winner. I think the fact that she was so relaxed made her even more unprepared for the shock.

Anyhow I went down and consoled her. I have rarely seen her so pissed/ shaken. She is totally not going to speak him for the next few hours (minimum). My dad and the guest meanwhile were looking visibly guilty. I doubt they’ll be trying that again anytime soon. Lol.