Welcome to the inside of my head.

Posts tagged ‘questions’

145. Brain Fart

So Seb kinda brain farted and came up with these questions for me…and I’ve finally found some time to formulate some responses.

1- Who would win in a fight between a legless gorilla with chainsaws for hands and an ostrich with robo legs made out of titanium? And what are your reasons for this?

I feel like this depends on what the saw in the chainsaw is made of. If it’s brutal enough to cut through titanium then the ostrich loses its advantage. However I think titanium is pretty damn strong and added to the fact that the ostrich will probably be able to move quicker, I feel like it has the edge. Continuously karate kick that gorilla in the face! I’d like to see this battle.

2- Do you think that people who don’t follow whatever you believe in on a religious scale are doomed in the afterlife, regardless of how nice they are?

Absolutely not. The majority of people believe what their parents believe because that was what they were taught. If people really are doomed for believing the wrong thing and their parents beliefs are supposedly ‘wrong’, then they too are doomed by association. That just seems grossly unfair to me. I don’t even believe religious beliefs qualify you for a happy afterlife. I’ve always felt than being a decent human being takes priority.

3- If you had to, would you rather have wings which give you the ability to fly for a minute, but then you gotta rest the flying for an hour because it’s super tiring, or would you rather have a tail that is flexible and can carry your own body weight and you can use it whenever? The wings and tail can be in your own image.

Having a tail probably wouldn’t be the best look… Also if I had a tail, I’d probably use it all the time to carry my lazy arse around and then I’d get fat and look even worse. Yes, vain I know. By that logic wings all the way. Plus omg flying.

4- If you had the opportunity to instantly learn any language in the world that you don’t already know, which one would you pick?

That’s easy- Elvish. It’s just sounds divine no matter what you say or how nasty. Plus it’s hella sexy! I point you to this video of Liv Tyler:

5- Favourite Pokémon?

Don’t shout at me but whilst I enjoyed Pokemon as a kid, I’m not a hardcore fan. I don’t know all the names of the original Pokemon and I also never played the games. That being said- Pikachu. I do good Pika Pika impersonations. Hire me for £5 an hour.

6- Tell me about the moment when you felt the most betrayed and used.

If I shared that experience here, shit would hit the fan. Instead I will say that it was awful and I have never felt more stupid.

7- If you had the option to wipe out all people who had one particular personality trait or image in common, who would you annihilate and why?

I have a really low tolerance for people who don’t have a sense of humour and/or can’t take a joke. That’s not to say I think everyone should turn into giggly idiots. I just feel it’s important to be able to laugh at yourself and whatever bad situation you might be in. I also find it annoying having to censor what I say to avoid offending their sensitive ears. So yeh, them.

8- If you become rich and famous, could I please have some money? Couple of grand would be fine.

Sure. You’ll have to get in line though. SO many people have made dibs on my salary. I’m not gonna have anything left.

9- If I were to bring you into my crew in a post-apocalyptic world, (e.g zombies) what skills do you have that would benefit the group enough for us to take you on?

1. I have killer stinkbomb farts that would keep an army of zombies at bay. I have people that can validate this.

2. I can count because I do maths and shit. This could be useful. For example ‘Argh Seb there are one, two, THREE zombies on our tail’.

3. I’m short and small so don’t take up much room.

4. Under pressure I have mad reflexes. I discovered then when I was 15 and the guy I had a crush on threw scissors at my face (his way of showing affection?) and I caught them millimetres from my face like a ninja. He then threw a ruler really hard at my head and I caught that too so it wasn’t just a fluke!

10- If Stalin and Hitler were hanging off the edge of a cliff and you had to save one, which dictator would you save?

Good God they’re both grade A bastards. I don’t think there’s an obvious choice here. Although people know Hitler was a nasty piece of work, I feel like people generally underestimate Stalin’s crimes. Stalin overall is responsible for more deaths perhaps not directly but certainly through his policies. Also Hitler only invaded Poland (often taken to be the trigger for WW2) after the Nazi-Soviet pact. Had Stalin not agreed to this, I think there’s a good chance a world war could have been avoided. On these grounds, I vote Stalin.  (This is probably the first time my GCSE in History has come in useful!)

11- Tell me about an invention you could make a reality, even if it’s actually impossible to do.

I have actually thought about this before. I would like to invent a painless, instant form of hair removal that is permanent. I just think it would save women so much grief and time and money (and pain). We’ve sent people to the moon, surely we can find a way to blast some hair follicles permanently. C’monnnn. I honestly think it would be Nobel prize worthy.

Over and Out!

Advertisements

99. Anti-Pervert Hairy Leggings…what the…

Disclaimer: these aren’t my legs.

Hairy leggings…or contraceptive fashion as they’re calling it. Apparently they’re all the rage in China!

They’re being sold as “Super sexy, summertime anti-pervert full-leg-of-hair stockings, essential for all young girls going out”.  

Hold up just a second.

Super sexy; unless hairiness is your ‘thing’, I think we can safely agree this is more repellent than sexy.

Anti-pervert, essential for all young girls; just how bad are Chinese men that these sorts of measures need to be resorted to? If they are that bad, surely that’s the bigger issue here?

I’m not even sure if it will keep men at bay. The first time I saw it, I was very much wtf but more so than that, I was curious. Is it real hair? What does it feel like? Do they come in different hair colours? The guys will probably want to come and stroke them.

I just have so many questions about this.

Who came up with this?

Who actually thought ‘yes this is what women need’… I’m going to go get it manufactured and I’m going to get it made with really coarse dark hair.

Who actually bought it?!

I would be mortified walking around like that. These girls must have balls.
Also the people buying this must be fairly fashion conscious. Clearly they want to wear short dresses…how exactly do these leggings look good with that?

Is it really necessary?

Come on. If you don’t want male attention, just put on trousers like the rest of us do when our legs become socially unacceptable.
If it’s hot, why not wear a floaty skirt or a maxi dress? There are so many other options.
If you truly believe this is the best way, why not just go natural and stop shaving?

What’s next? A gorilla suit?…

Over and Out!

P.S Ibtehaal, have you seen anyone wearing these?

25. Honest Interview Answers

This post is inspired by a conversation I had with a friend at Paddington today.

There appears to be a shift towards competency style interviews. In case you don’t know what that means, it’s the type of interview where they ask you to describe relevant experiences you’ve had that demonstrate the skills the employer is looking for. These include things such as:

  • Describe a time you’ve worked in a team.
  • Tell me about a time you managed a project.
  • What is your greatest achievement?

Now if you’ve done a shred of preparation, you will have answers to the popular questions but you often find yourself exaggerating your role or just bullshitting till the cows come home. I have met people who completely fabricate some of their experiences and to be honest I think very few people can pull that off.

I thought I’d give my ‘real’ answers to some of the questions out there.

Tell me about yourself.

My name is Aliya. I’m studying Mathematics at university. I have feelings towards numbers, in particular 3 is my favourite number. My star sign is Aquarius. I love to read, tell stories, gossip and watch movies. I really love Harry Potter and I’m still waiting for my Hogwarts letter. I don’t know exactly what I want to do with my life but I want to be good at what I do. I am extremely clumsy and a little weird most of the time but I like to think that makes me entertaining to be around. I really think you ought to hire me.

What do you know about the role you applied for?

I have absolutely no idea what I will be doing but I need the experience. Instead I will regurgitate anything I’ve read on your company website including lots of terminology I don’t understand so please don’t ask me what anything means. Kthanks.

Give an example of when you’ve been a leader.

My friends can never decide where to go for lunch. This usually leads to five minutes of everyone asking everyone else where they want to go to lunch and finally ending with me deciding. I believe this shows real leadership on a daily basis. I’m also really bossy so if people can’t make decisions and they ask for my advice, I make their decisions for them.  If you don’t like it, don’t ask me.

Tell me about a time you missed a deadline.

I’m being brutally honest here when I say I have never missed any deadline of importance unless I was physically ill. I don’t see why I should have to make up some fake reason and use it to explain what I’ve learnt and how that developed my ‘character’. Leave me alone.

Tell us about a situation when you failed to communicate appropriately.

That would be most of the time. I find myself increasingly searching for the right word and getting phrases jumbled in my mouth. I also have a tendency to switch accents unnecessarily and turn into a freshie when I’m feeling awkward. Don’t even get me started on what happens to my verbal communication skills when I’m around someone I find attractive. I either become mute or babble like a crazy woman. I am sure one day I will seduce someone with my awkwardness.

How do you adapt to change?

I hate change but I understand it is inevitable. It will never be something I embrace because I am a stickler for routine but if the change is permanent, then I will do my best to adapt to it. Take my mobile phone for example. I upgraded from a brick to a Blackberry. I really missed my brick initially but now I can’t imagine being without my Blackberry. That’s my adaptive skills right there.

What is your weakness?

I don’t have faith in people’s abilities until I’ve seen it with my own eyes. This prevents me delegating effectively because I don’t trust that people can do things to the standard that I can. This sounds incredibly pompous but hey once I am convinced you can do what you say you do, then I am very happy to share the responsibility and workload. But I need convincing first.

What is your biggest mistake?

Well that’s a loaded question. Excluding an array of personal mistakes, I think my biggest blunder was getting the date of my driving test wrong. That was the height of idiotic. I genuinely thought it was on a Wednesday but it turned out to be on Tuesday. I still think the person examining me must have been on something because I am a threat to society behind a wheel.

Describe a situation where you had a disagreement or an argument. How did you handle it?

There are few things I’ve fought as hard for as I did to study Mathematics at university. I was destined to go down the medicine route according to my parents and the rest of my family and normally I just cave to their demands. However I felt very strongly that medicine wasn’t right for me and for the first time I grew some balls and stood my ground. I am not exaggerating when I said numerous dinner discussions, tears and emotional breakdowns followed. This was probably not the best way to handle it but it worked so I don’t regret it.

 

And there you have it. ‘Real’ interview answers!

Over and Out.