Welcome to the inside of my head.

Posts tagged ‘rant’

120. Can I go back to uni now?

I’m seeing posts and statuses everywhere about how excited people are to be returning to uni and I’m still sitting at home like a bum waiting for term to start. Most unis start in September; mine starts in October and whilst this is great if you’re actually doing something, it can get hella boring if you’re not. There is only so much daytime tv one can watch.

I can’t even work on my fourth year project because my project supervisor appears to be MIA. It doesn’t help that my project isn’t the traditional sort so I have no idea where to begin. Not good.

But it’s not like I haven’t done anything this Summer. I completed my internship. I got a job offer. I did two weeks of jury service. The thing is I’m one of those people who likes to always be working towards something and right now I’m not doing anything useful. If this is what being unemployed feels like, please God let me always have a job.

*sigh*

I’ve caught up on sleep. I’m rested. I am so ready to go back. I’d honestly prefer to be buried under coursework deadlines than be this dissatisfied with how I’m using my time.

Over and Out.

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99. Anti-Pervert Hairy Leggings…what the…

Disclaimer: these aren’t my legs.

Hairy leggings…or contraceptive fashion as they’re calling it. Apparently they’re all the rage in China!

They’re being sold as “Super sexy, summertime anti-pervert full-leg-of-hair stockings, essential for all young girls going out”.  

Hold up just a second.

Super sexy; unless hairiness is your ‘thing’, I think we can safely agree this is more repellent than sexy.

Anti-pervert, essential for all young girls; just how bad are Chinese men that these sorts of measures need to be resorted to? If they are that bad, surely that’s the bigger issue here?

I’m not even sure if it will keep men at bay. The first time I saw it, I was very much wtf but more so than that, I was curious. Is it real hair? What does it feel like? Do they come in different hair colours? The guys will probably want to come and stroke them.

I just have so many questions about this.

Who came up with this?

Who actually thought ‘yes this is what women need’… I’m going to go get it manufactured and I’m going to get it made with really coarse dark hair.

Who actually bought it?!

I would be mortified walking around like that. These girls must have balls.
Also the people buying this must be fairly fashion conscious. Clearly they want to wear short dresses…how exactly do these leggings look good with that?

Is it really necessary?

Come on. If you don’t want male attention, just put on trousers like the rest of us do when our legs become socially unacceptable.
If it’s hot, why not wear a floaty skirt or a maxi dress? There are so many other options.
If you truly believe this is the best way, why not just go natural and stop shaving?

What’s next? A gorilla suit?…

Over and Out!

P.S Ibtehaal, have you seen anyone wearing these?

98. What kind of reader are you?

The Devourer

This person doesn’t read books, they devour them! Hunger Games trilogy- yeah read it in 3 days. Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix- read it one day. They are hellbent on finishing their book as soon as possible…
Goes to the bathroom, takes book with them. Sitting at the dinner table, takes book with them. Meeting friends? Not anymore! Cancels and reads book instead.
For that day, they are completely and utterly immersed into another world.

My Harry Potter Experience

The Slow Coach

This person is still reading the same book 6 months on, reading approximately 5 pages a day and justifying it with ‘oh the plot is super complex and there are lots of characters’. Seriously I could hand write the book in that time…

The Organised One

This reader sets a guideline ie. they decide to read between 30-50 pages each days and actually stick to it! They pace themselves and take time to savour the details.

The Commuter

They guys are always reading on the bus/train making sure all the other passengers can see how well they are using their time and looking down upon the peasants reading the Metro. That is of course unless they’re reading 50 Shades of Grey in which case they’ll replace the book cover or hide behind their Kindle. You need not have bothered- your dilated eyes and panting give you away…

The Literature Hipster

Not content with what the ‘average’ folk read, they insist on reading things like the Iliad or something in Latin. More importantly they must inform everyone what they’re reading and occasionally quote it to really dig it in. You think you’re well read- I get it. Now shut up and let me read Twilight in peace.

The ‘oh whoops spoiled it’

This happens for books that are part of a series. This person reads the first one, is desperate to know what happens next, wiki’s it (or watches the TV series) and then decides that they don’t need to read the rest of the books because they now know how it ends. Well done.

The Later Later

Gets the book, leaves on desk for 3 months, renews it 10 times and eventually returns the book having never opened it.

The Pretender

Reading the spark notes version does not count as having read the book no matter how well you know the ‘themes’ and ‘symbolism’. Cheater!

Guilty!

Illiterate

What’s a book? These idiots can’t read nothing unless it’s in chat-speak or all gangster like. Yeh sik blad. Safe safe.
Let me know when you get a job.

Over and Out!

96. Neck pain, aching feet, stiff arms….yup sounds like a good day of SHOPPING!

My cousin who is about to get married came to visit to buy all her accessories and decorations. First of all I’ve gotto tell you IT IS SO MUCH FUN SHOPPING WITH A BRIDE.

We only had 2 days to buy everything so we had to be fast! Of course we went to Southall ie. Mini India in England. I got to go all the fancy shops and actually buy stuff instead of just walking around dreaming and contemplating my future (with excitement but also a heavy dose of fear). Everyone was super willing to help because they knew we had big moneys to spend. Additionally Southall is one of the few places in England where you can ‘negotiate on the price’ and I swear my mum is a force of nature when it comes to bargaining. She is FIERCE! The vendors might come up with a figure of £120 and she’ll just dive in and say NO £60. Like I would be too embarrassed to even start that low… She’s clearly not though and to her credit, she’ll walk away probably paying £80 because she is BOSS.

My friends will know that I like all things shiny but my cousin really puts me to shame. She loves her bling! She wants to wear the biggest, shiniest, brightest jewellery possible. She picked out what I thought were HUGE earrings and dismissed them casually… ‘nope not big enough’. Like woah sister! Are you still hoping to have ears after this?

If she could have this, she probably would… It’s wayyyyy too much in my opinion but each to their own…

She also bought 5 inch heels. I made the mistake of trying them on and I seriously could not walk; the best I could do was an awkward shuffle and even wearing them for under a minute killed my feet. She on the other hand was strutting like a model, no problem. Talking of shoes…

Me no like

So many of the heels I saw were poor excuses for shoes. There was literally just a small strip that was supposed to hold your foot in place. I tried one of them on and my feet felt naked. Why would anyone want so much of their feet on show?! Feet aren’t even pretty. Also I don’t know why but wearing them made me feel like a stripper. I almost expected people to start throwing money. Maybe it was the clear heels I dunno. All I know is, never again.

 

 

My cousin was also very excited to buy some parandas which are things you plait into your hair. It’s essentially a decorative piece that some brides like to wear on their Mehndi. Ooh we also got her chooriya which are bangles. We went to this guy who specialises in this sorta stuff and showed him what colours she was going to wear; he rummaged around in the back for a while and came back with a lovely bangle set that was spot on in terms of colour combinations. It was expensive though!

Bangles bangles everywhere

This is what parandas look like

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This shopping trip was also a chance for me and my mum to look around and buy something for ourselves to wear. I saw this stunning blue dress thing that had lots of shiny stuff around the neck and they let me try it on. Guys, I looked good…my first thought was wow I look like a Middle Eastern princess. If I wore that to a wedding and didn’t come back with at least three marriage proposals, I would be disappointed. That was how good I looked. Howeverrr I was in danger of upstaging the bride and it was rather expensive so I didn’t buy it. In fact I didn’t buy anything which means I need to go to Southall… again!

Car Shambles

I also need to tell you guys about our car.

My dad was dropping us all off at Southall; he pulled out the driveway and drove a little way down the road when I started hearing this funny sound from the right hand side. I told my dad to stop and as soon as we got out of the car, we noticed that the back tyre was flat. Great start!

My dad keeps all sorts of tools and equipment in the car boot so we had everything we needed to change the tyre. I was in charge of jacking the car up (manually by the way- took bloody ages). My mum and my cousin were very helpfully still sitting in the car- thanks a lot for making this harder. Me and my dad undid the nuts and lugged the spare tyre out, replaced the tyre, redid the nuts…only to realise that it didn’t have enough air in it. Yup our replacement tyre was also flat! Wonderful! We had a (manual) foot pump in the car so again it was me standing there like an idiot pretty much jumping up and down to get air in the tyre. However I was failing epicly… because the foot pump had a crack and air was escaping. Eventually we borrowed an electronic air pump and got it all sorted out but my God, anything that could of have gone wrong DID go wrong….

Just another day in the life of Aliya.

Over and Out!

 

94. Student on a mission!

I only have a few hours to completely prepare my oral presentation for tomorrow afternoon. It’s only worth a quarter of my entire module. No biggie.

Oh who am I kidding?! I am freaking out. And before some quips in that I should have started earlier, I tried but my stupid project took a ridiculous amount of time to format and edit and print.

But hey, I can do this. I can present. I’m speaking about something I know well. I’m passionate about it. I just need to try not to swear. And not to speak too fast. And not to make inappropriate jokes. And not diss the teachers too much. And not complain about the children.

Dammit if only this oral presentation was a rant- I would ace it.

Argh I have worked my arse off all week- there’s only one day to go and one final hurdle.

This will be the best presentation eva.

LET’S GET THIS SHIT DONE.

Over and Out!

89. Every time my mum goes to Mothercare…

She comes back like: WHY DON’T YOU HAVE CHILDREN ALREADY! I saw this beautiful baby dress that had lace and sequins on it and it was so cute and it had matching socks and a hairband AND I WANTED TO BUY IT AND THE PUSHCHAIR (it was half price!) AND ONE OF THOSE THINGS BABIES CAN BOUNCE AROUND IN but I couldn’t buy them because you’re too big now and I don’t have any grandchildren. THIS IS YOUR FAULT ALIYA. GOD, HURRY UP.

And I’m just standing there like…

What just happened?

*fart*

I mean I could make it happen if you really want. Let me know Ma. Like I don’t mind looking after a burping, pooping, fart machine for the rest of my life just so you can buy clothes.

(I do want kids, honest. Just you know…later. Like… later later.)

Over and Out!

 

87. The only way to make tea.

There’s only one way to make tea… boiling water, milk and then sugar… in that order. Get it right people.

Don’t make it like this?

This video is for you.

This never stops being funny.

Over and Out!