So I like to listen to music at work; more specifically I have no filter with regards to what songs I listen to. In fact the more inappropriate the better. I dunno, I just seem to get a kick out it. It may look like I’m building a spreadsheet on the outside but actually I’m having a private party in my head screaming SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS SHOTS.
This occasionally has adverse consequences. For example a few days ago someone approached me at my desk and I hastily took off my headphones but didn’t have time to mute. Unfortunately that was the exact moment Nicki Minaj ‘Only’ started to play. If you’re not familiar with the opening lines, let me enlighten you *ahem*
I never f*cked Wayne
I never f*cked Drake
All my life man – f*cks sake
If I did I’d ménage with them
And let them eat my a** like a cupcake
These are some inspired lyrics but probably not something I’d want my colleague to hear. I’m privately optimistic that he’s deaf.
Hear me out on this- I’m not saying we should go around offending one another but I do think that swearing in moderation when the occasion calls might actually have advantages.
1. It alleviates pain.
Seriously. I’m sure some study somewhere showed that swearing after you stub your toe releases endorphins which are happy hormones that make you feel better. A good old yelp of ‘shit, damn door!’ might just be what you need. Doctor’s recommendation.
2. It helps you exaggerate things.
A little bit of swearing interwoven into everyday language can have a wonderful effect for storytelling. I mean would you rather hear that something was ‘really weird’ or ‘batshit insane’? ‘Really bad’ or ‘piss poor’? There is a huge difference in descriptive power. Swearing makes things so much funnier too- I can’t explain why.
3. It can help win any argument (with people you don’t like)
A well placed STFU can end any argument instantly and have you crowned champion. I had to add the bit in brackets because if you use this against your partner say, you’re gonna be in deep shit. Use it carefully!
4. It enables you to enjoy some of your favourite songs
Listening to censored rap music is just unsatisfying. Swearing is a language all rap artists appear to be fluent in, maybe because it’s so effective at conveying anger and strength of feeling. And even if rap music isn’t to your taste, don’t act like you don’t enjoy screaming along to Cee-Lo Green’s ‘FUCK YOU’.
5. It’ll help you man up
I can’t stress enough that I don’t condone insulting people but should you ever receive any verbal abuse, I think it’s useful to have a colourful vocabulary so that you can deliver them a verbal punch back. It makes you less of a target.
On an aside, my favourite swear word is ‘shit’ closely followed by ‘bastard’. I dunno they just roll of the tongue. What are yours?
Over and Out!
There’s only one way to make tea… boiling water, milk and then sugar… in that order. Get it right people.
Don’t make it like this?
This video is for you.
This never stops being funny.
Over and Out!