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Posts tagged ‘relationships’

D8

So I survived my date. I’m going to try and write down as much as I remember so I can look back and scrutinize this later!

When I described the meet-up as a date, my mum was horrified. I asked her why she was reacting like this and what exactly she thought a date entailed. “Doesn’t it include kissy-wissy stuff?” – I genuinely face-palmed and assured her that everyone would be on their best behaviour.

Now the dude, let’s call him Mr K. He was travelling from Stoke to London which is a lot of effort so he got brownie points for that straight away. I met him at Euston and beat him there so we played ‘who can spot the other first?’. I told him I was near the information desk but actually I was a few metres away so I could run if I needed to. Safety first, ladies! But I spotted him and he did not look like an axe murderer so I approached him.

I had no idea how I was going to greet him. In the hour or so it took me to get to Euston, I stress farted several times. I also found myself becoming self conscious over really stupid things like how I walk and if my lips looked chapped. My mind was basically like this:

But I managed to pull myself together. I even napped a bit on the tube. The soundtrack to my journey was “Back to love” by Chris Brown because apparently I am a sap.

When I saw him, he hugged me and I responded on instinct. Thank god he took care of that decision because I would have been just stood there awkwardly if it was left to me. Or worse, gone in with a handshake as if it was a work meeting. Anyway the hug broke the ice and we said hi and stuff and starting discussing Avengers End Game (will post about that separately!).

I’ve been talking to him on and off for over a year but it’s been predominantly over whatsapp. We didn’t do phonecalls or videochats though I’ve received the occasional voice message so I was taken aback when I heard him speak. I should have put two and two together. He’s from Stoke. He’s a Northern boy so he’s going to have an accent. It was actually pretty charming.

I think the whole day could be summarised as “City girl meets Northern boy”. It was obvious he’s not from London. He let people off the tube first; he asked how literally everyone was; he didn’t walk aggressively fast.  In comparison I must have looked like a pushy angry Londoner lol. One of thing he said that cracked me up was when he said “wow everything is contactless in London”.

We made our way to Piccadilly Circus where he bought snacks and then we went to the theatre to watch Book of Mormon. He had an umbrella with him and joked that he’d probably leave it behind. I said I’d remind him (famous last words).

I’d been warned several times about Book of Mormon, that it was offensive and controversial. Those warnings were well deserved but I enjoyed it anyway. It was witty and crude. If I saw it online, I probably wouldn’t bat an eyelid but hearing it live in an audience of well mannered people made it shocking. We had awesome seats which Mr K paid for; I’m still trying to convince him to let me pay for my own ticket. He promised he would as long as I let him pay for dinner (which I did after some convincing). He sat quite close to me during the show and it didn’t feel awkward which is something.

Afterwards we went to Masala Zone for dinner. We have different attitudes towards food which to be fair is not surprising given I am annoying person to eat with i.e. I eat boring plain food and am not very experimental whereas he is a lot more foody and really enjoys eating. I eat to live, not live to eat, though my weighing scales may dispute that. During dinner, we had a proper chance to talk. It was nice that we could gloss over the bullshit opening questions because we already know each other. And it was nice to have this conversation in real life, and to be able to match words with a voice and face and gestures. Made it all real.

After dinner, we went to Snowflake Gelato for desert and I got chocolate ice cream *grin* and he got an Eton Mess. This was my favourite part of the evening because it felt like we were sitting in a little bubble and I got to ask him the real stuff… if I was what he expected, if it all felt weird, if he was happy we met. He answered pretty positively. I like that he didn’t try any mushy stuff like say he thought I was pretty or any other crap. Am super non-receptive to that.

It was here that the umbrella got left. Face palm.

We then headed to Oxford circus and parted ways. I hugged him – I had to to tip toe which he found amusing. Whilst I got home fine, turns out he couldn’t get a train home so was stranded for a while. He eventually took a train to another destination and got his cousin to drive him home. This must have been an expensive date for him…

After I got home, I got a mini interrogation from my mum. She went a lot easier on me than I expected… Are you okay? (I made it home, didn’t I?!) Did you like him? (Yes I did) Did he like you? (I think so) Will you see him again? (Yes most likely)

We’ve spoken a bit since then and one of the things that has cropped up is that he is a specific type of Shia Muslim whereas I’m technically a Sunni Muslim. These labels mean very little to me. I think they’re a minor issue for my parents but ultimately if I liked someone enough, they’d be fine with it. The rest of my family would likely kick up a fuss but I’m less bothered about that. Unfortunately my “Sunni-ness” might be problematic for his family. Call me egotistical, but I never expected to be a problem for anyone’s family! Either way, we both agreed to cross that bridge if and when it arose.

Why can’t anything be simple?!

 

Hello boys.

So I joined Minder – for those that don’t know what this is – it’s “Muslim Tinder”. Quite frankly that sounds like a paradox but I thought what the heck. Just like Tinder you take a peep at someone’s pics and bio and if they sound aight you swipe right. Otherwise you swipe left. If the other person also swipes right for you, then you can start a conversation. So that’s the mechanics… here’s what I have observed from my experience so far:

  • Is it Mind-er or Min-der? And if it’s Mind-er, that doesn’t rhyme with Tinder. This frustrates me.
  • Literally every guy says he goes to the gym and loves to travel… like every single one.
  • 90% of these guys say they are 6 foot or taller. Now I dunno if I’ve clicked something saying I only want tall guys (if I have, I desperately want to untick it) but surely everyone can’t be this tall.
  • I am such a bitch. I swipe left so much. I am a terrible human being.
  • I’ve got a type. The app stores the people you’ve had conversations with and if you put all my guy’s pictures together, they’re practically the same person. It would be embarrassing if it wasn’t so funny – but hey at least I know what I’m attracted to? Beards and swishy hair? God I am letting the female race down.
  • Things that will instantly make me swipe left: shirtless pictures, pictures of guys at the gym, shameless pictures of muscles, guys wearing really unbuttoned or low cut shirts, guys with earrings, guys doing shisha, guys wearing their trousers too low, guys taking pictures in bed
  • Okay not all of the muscle is bad. Some of these guys have nice arms.
  • Conversations are weird. I dunno what’s wrong with me – when I engage it’s like I’m actively trying to make them run away just to see who will stick around. Sarcasm abounds. One person said I had a “cute, nerdy look” and I said “is that a compliment or a veiled insult?”. I think he got scared.
  • Just because someone looks innocent does not mean they are innocent. One supposedly friendly looking guy asked for my thoughts on buttsex within the first 5 minutes. That promptly ended that conversation.
  • In case there was any doubt, guys are super interested in sex. Like I get it, it’s important, but there is MORE TO EXPLORE. I can’t even post some of the stuff I’ve been on the receiving end over the last few weeks but here’s a sample:
    • “If you were my wife, you wouldn’t be able to walk”
    • “Do you like choking?”
    • “Have you heard of Mia Khalifa?” <- If you don’t know who she is, for the love of god don’t Google her.
    • “I’m trying to imagine what kind of roleplay you’d be into”

THIS IS NOT OKAY. At all.

Over and Out!

 

 

150. Just me, being an idiot.

Edit: I got a call back which led to a marathon Skype session. It was perfectly fine once I got past ‘hi’.  Shouldn’t have worried.

So now that I’m totally and utterly free from uni (post about that in the works) I’ve had an alarmingly large amount of time to just think. One of the things that has been particularly bothering me is that I’ve been a pretty poor friend to my friends outside of uni. Enduring your final year at Imperial doesn’t leave much stress-free time but I still feel like it’s my fault.  Anyway the reason I’m writing this post is because I tried to rectify that today. I thought I’d call a friend who I haven’t spoken to in ages so I did; I unlocked my phone, went to the address book, found his name and then sat paralyzed in fear for about 20 minutes. I have rarely felt so pathetic.

I was actually scared. What if he doesn’t want to talk to me? How do I even start the conversation? It got to the point where I was practicing variations of  ‘hello’ and considering writing down an opening line. And the overwhelming feeling accompanying this was guilt. Guilt that I hadn’t stayed in touch. Guilt that I hadn’t called. And fear that I might lose a friend because I couldn’t get over my own god damn pride and press a button on my phone.

Anyway after convincing myself that backing out meant I was a scaredycat, I hit the ‘call’ button and listened to it ring, and ring.

Yeah it went to voicemail. Didn’t leave a message. Now I have to make sure I don’t mess things up when/if I get a call back.

Moral of the story: I need to man the eff up.

 

Over and Out!

134. Emotionally Single

Literally me from the age of 14 to 20. Embarrassing? Absolutely. But there is something about talking to your crush that is both exciting and frustrating; it’s a mix between the anxiety from over analysing everything they’re saying (oh my god they said ‘heyyy’ instead of ‘hey’… success!) and joy that they’re even responding.

Yes I am that psychotic girl who hides behind her keyboard. I am like 500 million times funnier and more interesting online because I feel #like a boss and fear nothing. In person in any kind of vaguely non-platonic situation I’m either silent or chatting absolute bollocks. I am fail.

This video got me thinking though…I haven’t had a crush on anyone non-fictional/ non celebrity for a while now… and it’s a bit a rarity for me (I don’t crush on loads of people, just a few people but for extended periods of time). It feels weird.

I’m not thinking about anyone else. I’m not wondering what they’re doing. I’m making even less of an effort when it comes to what I look like (didn’t think it was possible). That last one’s quite bad. I shouldn’t have to fancy someone to put in some time to distinguish myself as a woman.

What all this does means however is that I now have a lot more free time (good thing too because I have so much damn work). Who knew pining was so time consuming?

Secretly though, I think I miss it. Sure it was emotionally draining and it felt like my hormones were flying all over the place but something small like my crush starting a conversation could make my day and make me feel warm and fuzzy inside. Now something really special has to happen to make my day. Even academic success doesn’t cut it anymore.

The worst thing about all of this is the timing. This is not the optimum time to be emotionally single especially when my mother is saying things like ‘you need to find a man’ as if I can just order one I like online. It is not easy and I don’t have time to get my flirt on. I’m not even sure I remember how to get my flirt on.

Ehhh I feel like a younger, brown version of Bridget Jones.

Over and Out!

125. I hate it when someone asks you for advice and then they get angry because you were honest with them

I don’t get it- do you want my advice or do you just want me to agree with whatever you say? Like let me know- I can start neck exercises in preparation for all the nodding if that’s what you want. I thought it was in the friend job description to look out for your best interests and help you overcome your hurdles, even if one of those hurdles is you getting in your own way.

When my friend asked me if I recommended he study Mathematics at uni, I told him I thought he’d find it difficult and I suggested other subjects that were numerate but not quite so intense.  I think it was a fair comment because I know what a Maths degree entails having lived through three years of it already and I took care to tell him this kindly. However all he heard me saying was ‘no’ and accused me of not being supportive and preventing him from reaching his goals.

My opinion that Maths isn’t right for him ≠ My opinion that no subject is right for him

Why do people interpret things so negatively?

Surely I don’t deserve his anger for thinking there is a better alternative out there for him?

I don’t get it.

Over and Out.

91. A Perfect End

I think I felt something akin to euphoria the moment I heard the invigilators say ‘pens down’ for my last exam. I had been dreaming of that moment for almost two months and to finally hear it felt liberating but also surreal. I could not wipe the grin off my face; it also helped that I thought the exam went decent, though it’s very hard to judge this sort of stuff.

I genuinely felt like I lost a stone in mental anxiety. It might sound dramatic but having to go home every day and force yourself to revise and then get distracted and then feel guilty for procrastinating is a tiring process. It is miserable, lonely and quite frankly depressing- by far the worst part of the uni experience.

But it’s over! No more whining from me! (okay maybe a bit but I’ll keep it to a minimum)

So how did I spend my first bit of freedom? Well I chilled in Hyde Park with some of my favourite people in the world as per tradition. The sun made a welcome appearance too. I lay on the grass and basked in the fact that my mind was completely clear. Later we practiced handstands and decided to go rolling down hills like real 21 years do. Oh and we took fun photos!

Lovely peoples

vader

Just Vadering in Hyde Park as you do…

Totes not Photoshopped

On the way to the station, guess who we saw? You’ll never believe it! The Queen! We saw the Queen! We were about to cross the road when this policeman comes out of nowhere with a whistle telling everyone to hold it and before we knew it, this fancy maroon car rolled past, flag flying and upon closer inspection we could see the Queen sitting inside wearing mint coloured clothes and a hat. The tourists started clapping and in that moment I felt pretty patriotic. I only saw her for a few seconds and I was in awe. It was perfect timing too. Had we been even a few seconds late, we would have missed it!

When I got home my mum gave me a huge squish and I could see the relief on her face too. Obviously five minutes later, she started listing all the things I promised I would do once my exams were over…shopping, cleaning, gardening, making roti, meeting all sorts of random people. But I’m not complaining; I’ve been saying ‘yes’ to everything.

Then I went clubbing and got absolutely smashed. Like I was sooo out of it. It was awesome.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

lol just kidding. I fell asleep for 2 hours because I’m hardcore.

In the evening, we took the party to Northwood and I celebrated with my cousins and by celebrate I mean they told me all the gossip from their school and we watched videos on Youtube but it was just what I needed.

However I did want to do something silly to mark this momentous day and so I decided to watch two episodes of House at 1am even though I was tutoring the next morning. A silly decision to mark the end of a prolonged season of studying and seriousness. Perfect!

*fangirl squeal*

Over and Out!

89. Every time my mum goes to Mothercare…

She comes back like: WHY DON’T YOU HAVE CHILDREN ALREADY! I saw this beautiful baby dress that had lace and sequins on it and it was so cute and it had matching socks and a hairband AND I WANTED TO BUY IT AND THE PUSHCHAIR (it was half price!) AND ONE OF THOSE THINGS BABIES CAN BOUNCE AROUND IN but I couldn’t buy them because you’re too big now and I don’t have any grandchildren. THIS IS YOUR FAULT ALIYA. GOD, HURRY UP.

And I’m just standing there like…

What just happened?

*fart*

I mean I could make it happen if you really want. Let me know Ma. Like I don’t mind looking after a burping, pooping, fart machine for the rest of my life just so you can buy clothes.

(I do want kids, honest. Just you know…later. Like… later later.)

Over and Out!

 

83. I can’t do it for me but I’ll do it for you.

You ever find that you can do things for other people but that you can’t do them for yourself? Why does that happen?!

Let me give you some examples.

Being brave

I am scared of the dark. I know. I’m a wuss. There’s something about the thought of what’s lurking in the shadows that just creeps me out. However if I’m with anyone else, particularly younger cousins, I’m fearless and constantly reassuring them that there’s nothing to be scared of. Why can’t I do that when I’m alone?

Epiphanies

I could be tackling something (like Maths problem for example) and get horribly stuck. If I’ve tried and failed a few times, I’ll eventually give up. However if someone else asks me for help on the same problem, I will persevere until I find the answer. This happened to me this morning with regards to a question about Statistical modelling. I’d never have bothered to take the time to actually think it through unless my friend asked for help. I think it’s because I hate letting other people down and that forces my brain to get into gear. Disappointing myself is fine though clearly -_-

Forgiving

I can forgive my friends for almost anything. Over the years, I think I’ve let some big stuff slide but I’m not that easy on myself. If I feel like I’ve screwed up, I’m the first one to berate myself and the last one to stop.

Cooking

I am a lazy shite. I’d happily live on Rice Krispies and omelette because I seriously can’t be bothered to cook for myself. As soon as someone else needs to eat though, I’ll take the time to actually make something that contributes to their 5 a day and make some rotis. Shock. Horror. It’ll even taste nice.

Over and Out!

 

82. A Bachelor No More…

Looks like my brother has found himself a lady… finally. He’s turning 30 this year so everyone was kinda like… get a move on. He’s actually been ‘looking’ for quite a while but his list of requirements was so long that I didn’t think there was a woman on Earth that encompassed everything he wanted. My Dad succinctly put it: ‘Stop looking for the perfect woman. You’re not the perfect guy’. In the end he compromised.

He’s actually my half brother so I haven’t really been involved in the ‘search’ process. We just heard updates every now and again. For people that aren’t brown, here’s an insight on how some weddings happen in our culture.

  1. You announce that you are single and want to get married.
  2. You ask your friends and family to spread the news far and wide.
  3. They return with details of other people who are also in the marriage market that they reckon might be compatible with you.
  4. You then request more information about the people who piqued your interest. In particular, questions are asked about the family and whether there is any unsavoury gossip about them floating around.
  5. If these basic tests are passed, a meeting is requested, usually at the girl’s house.
  6. Often the first time, the guy doesn’t actually see the girl. He meets her parents first and everyone chats. Here the guy gets drilled on his job and future prospects. The girl will probably be listening to every word from the banisters.

Sometimes the process ends here. a) One of the parties isn’t keen on the other or b) both parties like each other and decide this is enough to agree to a marriage.

If you’re a ‘modern’ brown person, the process can continue.

  1. The guy and the girl get to talk and if they’re really lucky, they’ll get some privacy by which I mean her parents are on the other side of a glass door that’s left slightly open.
  2. If they can still tolerate each other, there will be more meetings of this kind until they find something major they disagree on (in which the whole process starts again) or everything is dandy and it’s happy days. In my brother’s case, this took approximately 7 meetings which personally I think is really quick for such a huge life decision but hey.

I have SO MUCH to say about this process (not all critical) but I think I’ll save it for another post. For now, I will continue with my story.

Right so my brother is 29, turning 30. Here’s the shock, horror part. The girl is 20, turning 21. That’s right, SHE’S YOUNGER THAN ME. I am having real problems getting over this. I know everyone is different and we all have different levels of maturity but if someone asked me to get married right now (lol theoretically), I would request another 3 years.  Because I’m not ready. I would need a separate post listing all the reasons why but the biggest one is that I couldn’t possibly take care of someone else when I only just about manage to take care of myself.

Anyway, I’m going with my Dad on Sunday to meet the girl. Not only that, my Dad will be making a formal proposal on my brother’s behalf to the girl’s dad for her hand. To be honest I was surprised to be invited, but I’m curious to meet my new sister in law. Should be interesting….

Over and Out!

P.S. Mele, if you’re reading this, don’t tell everyone else about it.

74. Bad Boy Syndrome.

He’s grumpy. He’s rude. He has questionable morals. He’s addicted to Vicodin. Most of the time, he’s just an ass. His name is Dr Gregory House and I am kinda in love with him.

You know the state of my love life is pretty poor if I’m emotionally taken by a fictional character on a series that ended last year but hey that’s how it is.

The thing with House is that although he is a complete jerk with no regard for the rules, he is a brilliant diagnostic doctor and I am naturally impressed by anyone who is really good at what they do. Coupled with his sharp wit, piercing blue eyes and uncanny ability of being right, you can start to see why I like him.

Are those reasons good enough though? His talents don’t negate the fact that he’s a moody git who listens to no-one. He’s hardly a ray of sunshine.

With this realisation came a glum conclusion. Women are idiots. (House would approve of that statement).

I ought to be more precise. Women are idiots when it comes to matters of the heart. Intelligent, sensible women who are perfectly capable of forming rational arguments are just as susceptible to ‘Bad Boy Syndrome’ as any other woman. This…disease makes girls attracted to unstable people which leads to dysfunctional relationships and a whole barrel of heartache.

Why do we do this to ourselves?

A woman’s capacity for forgiveness is both her saving grace and Achilles’ heel. We see damaged people, find the good in them, amplify these traits and turn a blind eye to their bad qualities. We like them because we think we can fix them and because the only thing more attractive than a bad boy is a bad boy reformed. We like the knowledge that we made them change. You must have heard a girl say ‘he’s different when he’s with me’. Well that makes us feel special- to have succeeded where other people failed.

But why do we like bad boys?

We always want things that we don’t have. Girls with wavy hair want straight hair and girls with straight hair want wavy hair. Similarly most of us are ‘safe’ and ‘stable’ but bad boys are inherently dangerous and volatile… and we want a taste of it. Being around them is a form of escape from our normal life and that feels exciting and stimulating. In the long term however, it usually leads to trouble.

Does it work?

Rarely. Take House and Cuddy for example. They had such a good thing going and House still ended up driving a car into her dining room (I am still seriously annoyed about that). Most people don’t change, but with everything, there are exceptions. It’s these cases that instill hope and encourage us to give bad boys chances that they probably don’t deserve.

So what should a guy do?

If you’re a nice guy and you’re wondering why you don’t get so much female attention, it’s because there’s nothing to ‘fix’.  Don’t take this to mean you need to become a raging alcoholic or start doing drugs to become a messed up individual. The truth is rather like the hare and the tortoise, nice guys end up being the eventual winners but unfortunately us silly women need to become emotionally attached to unsuitable people first before we realise what’s good for us. Terrible, I know.

Le sigh.

But until I learn my lesson, here’s a charming video of House:

*swoon*

Over and Out!