Welcome to the inside of my head.

Posts tagged ‘Shit’

124. 5 reasons why swearing is good for you

Hear me out on this- I’m not saying we should go around offending one another but I do think that swearing in moderation when the occasion calls might actually have advantages.

1. It alleviates pain.

Seriously. I’m sure some study somewhere showed that swearing after you stub your toe releases endorphins which are happy hormones that make you feel better. A good old yelp of ‘shit, damn door!’ might just be what you need. Doctor’s recommendation.

2. It helps you exaggerate things.

A little bit of swearing interwoven into everyday language can have a wonderful effect for storytelling. I mean would you rather hear that something was ‘really weird’ or ‘batshit insane’? ‘Really bad’ or ‘piss poor’? There is a huge difference in descriptive power. Swearing makes things so much funnier too- I can’t explain why.

3. It can help win any argument (with people you don’t like)

A well placed STFU can end any argument instantly and have you crowned champion. I had to add the bit in brackets because if you use this against your partner say, you’re gonna be in deep shit. Use it carefully!

4. It enables you to enjoy some of your favourite songs

Listening to censored rap music is just unsatisfying. Swearing is a language all rap artists appear to be fluent in, maybe because it’s so effective at conveying anger and strength of feeling. And even if rap music isn’t to your taste, don’t act like you don’t enjoy screaming along to Cee-Lo Green’s ‘FUCK YOU’.

5. It’ll help you man up

I can’t stress enough that I don’t condone insulting people but should you ever receive any verbal abuse, I think it’s useful to have a colourful vocabulary so that you can deliver them a verbal punch back. It makes you less of a target.

 

On an aside, my favourite swear word  is ‘shit’ closely followed by ‘bastard’. I dunno they just roll of the tongue. What are yours? 

Over and Out!

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119. Man I feel like shit.

Overnight my nose has turned into a never ending snot tap. My pockets are full of damp bogey filled tissues. It’s disgusting. I swear this happens to me every year; as soon as the weather changes, my body gives up on me.

My head is throbbing from the complete lack of sleep I got. Half of the night my nose was blocked and I had the attractive task of sleeping with my mouth open. The other half of the time my nose was dribbling so I had a bogey moustache.

You know how dentists have suction machine things to collect your spit, I desperately wanted one for my nose. I don’t care if it makes me look like Zoidberg. Alternatively somebody needs to invent a nose bib and shut up it’s not the same thing as a tissue.

Talking of tissues. I’ve used so many that my nose has turned red. I probably shouldn’t have used kitchen towels.

Ehhhhh. I hate being ill.

Over and Out!

94. Student on a mission!

I only have a few hours to completely prepare my oral presentation for tomorrow afternoon. It’s only worth a quarter of my entire module. No biggie.

Oh who am I kidding?! I am freaking out. And before some quips in that I should have started earlier, I tried but my stupid project took a ridiculous amount of time to format and edit and print.

But hey, I can do this. I can present. I’m speaking about something I know well. I’m passionate about it. I just need to try not to swear. And not to speak too fast. And not to make inappropriate jokes. And not diss the teachers too much. And not complain about the children.

Dammit if only this oral presentation was a rant- I would ace it.

Argh I have worked my arse off all week- there’s only one day to go and one final hurdle.

This will be the best presentation eva.

LET’S GET THIS SHIT DONE.

Over and Out!