Welcome to the inside of my head.

Posts tagged ‘sigh’

120. Can I go back to uni now?

I’m seeing posts and statuses everywhere about how excited people are to be returning to uni and I’m still sitting at home like a bum waiting for term to start. Most unis start in September; mine starts in October and whilst this is great if you’re actually doing something, it can get hella boring if you’re not. There is only so much daytime tv one can watch.

I can’t even work on my fourth year project because my project supervisor appears to be MIA. It doesn’t help that my project isn’t the traditional sort so I have no idea where to begin. Not good.

But it’s not like I haven’t done anything this Summer. I completed my internship. I got a job offer. I did two weeks of jury service. The thing is I’m one of those people who likes to always be working towards something and right now I’m not doing anything useful. If this is what being unemployed feels like, please God let me always have a job.


I’ve caught up on sleep. I’m rested. I am so ready to go back. I’d honestly prefer to be buried under coursework deadlines than be this dissatisfied with how I’m using my time.

Over and Out.


79. The day before the beginning

My exams start tomorrow and I have two in one day. Brilliant start eh?! Annoyingly the two papers I’m doing have no overlap- one is statsy and the other is ‘pure’ so they require very different ways of thinking. Out of the two, I’m more worried about the ‘pure’ one because the lecturer could potentially throw something quite horrible for us to prove that we’ve never seen before. I’m praying I have some epiphanies tomorrow.

I’m not looking forward to the exams but I feel like I’ve been waiting forever and now I just want them to start. Extra time is not going to help- I am so bored of revising. I have proofs coming out of my ears. I swear I was dreaming of proving the Tower Law last night. If that isn’t a sign of madness, I don’t know what is.

What I want to do:


What I am doing:

Over and Out!

71. Make it stop.

Every year, I reach a point during revision where I decide I don’t care. Today is that day.

I am so tired of this. I don’t want to revise. I don’t want to do these exams. I’ve been doing everything to avoid it. I’ll eat, catch up on House, decide to start doing sit ups because sure right now is a great time to start an exercise regime, right? But then I suffer this gut wrenching guilt for not spending my time wisely. All this proves is that I do care. But I wish I didn’t.

I could loosen up and settle for a 2:1. That’s good right? I can get a job with that. Can I live with it though? Is it good enough for my parents? As much as I try to convince myself otherwise, I know the answer deep down is ‘no’ but if I don’t sort this out, that is where I’m heading.

Why have I decided to stay on for another year? Surely I don’t love Imperial so much that I’m willing do this all over again. This is sucking my soul. Please let this be over soon. I don’t want to do this anymore.

*gets up*

*heads back to notes*