Welcome to the inside of my head.

Posts tagged ‘women’

153. Ten Things You Really Shouldn’t Say To Me After I’ve Just Completed My Degree

1. Oh- I didn’t even know you were at university.
What did you think I was doing for the last four years?

2. Mathematics- Isn’t that a boy-subject? What can you do with Maths?
1) Maths isn’t gender specific. 2) Plenty.

3. You got a First?! *surprised* I thought you didn’t specify because you only passed and were embarrassed.
-_-

4. Yes it’s all very well you can do this Maths-shaths but how are your rotis?
Edible.

5. Acha good, uni finished. When you getting married?
*sigh*

6. You know this degree paper means nothing till you find a good boy and settle down. Life isn’t complete without shaadi.
*sigh*

7. Did you meet anyone at uni? *suggestive look* You can tell me, I’m your Aunty.
*sigh*

8. Oh you’ve finished your degree. My daughter got married this year and she’s pregnant. She has a family.
Good to know.

9. Oh you have a job. Will you leave when you have children?
I haven’t even started my job yet. Gimme a chance.

10. Look at the girls these days. They all want to do the job-shob but can they run a home? No.
Thanks for the vote of confidence.

I am sad to say there is no embellishment in this post. In fact most of them are quoted directly. Aren’t people sensitive?

Ahh the plight of a brown girl!

 

Over and Out!

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145. Brain Fart

So Seb kinda brain farted and came up with these questions for me…and I’ve finally found some time to formulate some responses.

1- Who would win in a fight between a legless gorilla with chainsaws for hands and an ostrich with robo legs made out of titanium? And what are your reasons for this?

I feel like this depends on what the saw in the chainsaw is made of. If it’s brutal enough to cut through titanium then the ostrich loses its advantage. However I think titanium is pretty damn strong and added to the fact that the ostrich will probably be able to move quicker, I feel like it has the edge. Continuously karate kick that gorilla in the face! I’d like to see this battle.

2- Do you think that people who don’t follow whatever you believe in on a religious scale are doomed in the afterlife, regardless of how nice they are?

Absolutely not. The majority of people believe what their parents believe because that was what they were taught. If people really are doomed for believing the wrong thing and their parents beliefs are supposedly ‘wrong’, then they too are doomed by association. That just seems grossly unfair to me. I don’t even believe religious beliefs qualify you for a happy afterlife. I’ve always felt than being a decent human being takes priority.

3- If you had to, would you rather have wings which give you the ability to fly for a minute, but then you gotta rest the flying for an hour because it’s super tiring, or would you rather have a tail that is flexible and can carry your own body weight and you can use it whenever? The wings and tail can be in your own image.

Having a tail probably wouldn’t be the best look… Also if I had a tail, I’d probably use it all the time to carry my lazy arse around and then I’d get fat and look even worse. Yes, vain I know. By that logic wings all the way. Plus omg flying.

4- If you had the opportunity to instantly learn any language in the world that you don’t already know, which one would you pick?

That’s easy- Elvish. It’s just sounds divine no matter what you say or how nasty. Plus it’s hella sexy! I point you to this video of Liv Tyler:

5- Favourite Pokémon?

Don’t shout at me but whilst I enjoyed Pokemon as a kid, I’m not a hardcore fan. I don’t know all the names of the original Pokemon and I also never played the games. That being said- Pikachu. I do good Pika Pika impersonations. Hire me for £5 an hour.

6- Tell me about the moment when you felt the most betrayed and used.

If I shared that experience here, shit would hit the fan. Instead I will say that it was awful and I have never felt more stupid.

7- If you had the option to wipe out all people who had one particular personality trait or image in common, who would you annihilate and why?

I have a really low tolerance for people who don’t have a sense of humour and/or can’t take a joke. That’s not to say I think everyone should turn into giggly idiots. I just feel it’s important to be able to laugh at yourself and whatever bad situation you might be in. I also find it annoying having to censor what I say to avoid offending their sensitive ears. So yeh, them.

8- If you become rich and famous, could I please have some money? Couple of grand would be fine.

Sure. You’ll have to get in line though. SO many people have made dibs on my salary. I’m not gonna have anything left.

9- If I were to bring you into my crew in a post-apocalyptic world, (e.g zombies) what skills do you have that would benefit the group enough for us to take you on?

1. I have killer stinkbomb farts that would keep an army of zombies at bay. I have people that can validate this.

2. I can count because I do maths and shit. This could be useful. For example ‘Argh Seb there are one, two, THREE zombies on our tail’.

3. I’m short and small so don’t take up much room.

4. Under pressure I have mad reflexes. I discovered then when I was 15 and the guy I had a crush on threw scissors at my face (his way of showing affection?) and I caught them millimetres from my face like a ninja. He then threw a ruler really hard at my head and I caught that too so it wasn’t just a fluke!

10- If Stalin and Hitler were hanging off the edge of a cliff and you had to save one, which dictator would you save?

Good God they’re both grade A bastards. I don’t think there’s an obvious choice here. Although people know Hitler was a nasty piece of work, I feel like people generally underestimate Stalin’s crimes. Stalin overall is responsible for more deaths perhaps not directly but certainly through his policies. Also Hitler only invaded Poland (often taken to be the trigger for WW2) after the Nazi-Soviet pact. Had Stalin not agreed to this, I think there’s a good chance a world war could have been avoided. On these grounds, I vote Stalin.  (This is probably the first time my GCSE in History has come in useful!)

11- Tell me about an invention you could make a reality, even if it’s actually impossible to do.

I have actually thought about this before. I would like to invent a painless, instant form of hair removal that is permanent. I just think it would save women so much grief and time and money (and pain). We’ve sent people to the moon, surely we can find a way to blast some hair follicles permanently. C’monnnn. I honestly think it would be Nobel prize worthy.

Over and Out!

117. I need to pee.

This cracked me up…because it’s so damn true!

Over and Out!

99. Anti-Pervert Hairy Leggings…what the…

Disclaimer: these aren’t my legs.

Hairy leggings…or contraceptive fashion as they’re calling it. Apparently they’re all the rage in China!

They’re being sold as “Super sexy, summertime anti-pervert full-leg-of-hair stockings, essential for all young girls going out”.  

Hold up just a second.

Super sexy; unless hairiness is your ‘thing’, I think we can safely agree this is more repellent than sexy.

Anti-pervert, essential for all young girls; just how bad are Chinese men that these sorts of measures need to be resorted to? If they are that bad, surely that’s the bigger issue here?

I’m not even sure if it will keep men at bay. The first time I saw it, I was very much wtf but more so than that, I was curious. Is it real hair? What does it feel like? Do they come in different hair colours? The guys will probably want to come and stroke them.

I just have so many questions about this.

Who came up with this?

Who actually thought ‘yes this is what women need’… I’m going to go get it manufactured and I’m going to get it made with really coarse dark hair.

Who actually bought it?!

I would be mortified walking around like that. These girls must have balls.
Also the people buying this must be fairly fashion conscious. Clearly they want to wear short dresses…how exactly do these leggings look good with that?

Is it really necessary?

Come on. If you don’t want male attention, just put on trousers like the rest of us do when our legs become socially unacceptable.
If it’s hot, why not wear a floaty skirt or a maxi dress? There are so many other options.
If you truly believe this is the best way, why not just go natural and stop shaving?

What’s next? A gorilla suit?…

Over and Out!

P.S Ibtehaal, have you seen anyone wearing these?

74. Bad Boy Syndrome.

He’s grumpy. He’s rude. He has questionable morals. He’s addicted to Vicodin. Most of the time, he’s just an ass. His name is Dr Gregory House and I am kinda in love with him.

You know the state of my love life is pretty poor if I’m emotionally taken by a fictional character on a series that ended last year but hey that’s how it is.

The thing with House is that although he is a complete jerk with no regard for the rules, he is a brilliant diagnostic doctor and I am naturally impressed by anyone who is really good at what they do. Coupled with his sharp wit, piercing blue eyes and uncanny ability of being right, you can start to see why I like him.

Are those reasons good enough though? His talents don’t negate the fact that he’s a moody git who listens to no-one. He’s hardly a ray of sunshine.

With this realisation came a glum conclusion. Women are idiots. (House would approve of that statement).

I ought to be more precise. Women are idiots when it comes to matters of the heart. Intelligent, sensible women who are perfectly capable of forming rational arguments are just as susceptible to ‘Bad Boy Syndrome’ as any other woman. This…disease makes girls attracted to unstable people which leads to dysfunctional relationships and a whole barrel of heartache.

Why do we do this to ourselves?

A woman’s capacity for forgiveness is both her saving grace and Achilles’ heel. We see damaged people, find the good in them, amplify these traits and turn a blind eye to their bad qualities. We like them because we think we can fix them and because the only thing more attractive than a bad boy is a bad boy reformed. We like the knowledge that we made them change. You must have heard a girl say ‘he’s different when he’s with me’. Well that makes us feel special- to have succeeded where other people failed.

But why do we like bad boys?

We always want things that we don’t have. Girls with wavy hair want straight hair and girls with straight hair want wavy hair. Similarly most of us are ‘safe’ and ‘stable’ but bad boys are inherently dangerous and volatile… and we want a taste of it. Being around them is a form of escape from our normal life and that feels exciting and stimulating. In the long term however, it usually leads to trouble.

Does it work?

Rarely. Take House and Cuddy for example. They had such a good thing going and House still ended up driving a car into her dining room (I am still seriously annoyed about that). Most people don’t change, but with everything, there are exceptions. It’s these cases that instill hope and encourage us to give bad boys chances that they probably don’t deserve.

So what should a guy do?

If you’re a nice guy and you’re wondering why you don’t get so much female attention, it’s because there’s nothing to ‘fix’.  Don’t take this to mean you need to become a raging alcoholic or start doing drugs to become a messed up individual. The truth is rather like the hare and the tortoise, nice guys end up being the eventual winners but unfortunately us silly women need to become emotionally attached to unsuitable people first before we realise what’s good for us. Terrible, I know.

Le sigh.

But until I learn my lesson, here’s a charming video of House:

*swoon*

Over and Out!